Regular Domme vs. Provider Domme

Recently there have been more discussions centered around providers doing fetish/domination and "true" dommes who engage in many things, but not provider behavior.

Obviously we are in a provider environment, but I'm curious what others think. From what I have seen, experienced and from being around the community for a while, dommes are much more into the lifestyle aspects, investing in many pieces of bondage gear, equipment, corsets and exotic domina clothing, full-time dungeons, etc. Sexual play (aside from toys) is usually never on the menu. Dommes seem to be far more likely to attend cons and events to take classes, network and learn new techniques (as well as see the latest in gear offerings from BDSM vendors).

Providers seem to buy a minimal amount of gear, their equipment tends to be easily transportable, their clothing is often more lingerie-based than true fetishy based, and they generally don't have a lot of training and skills in BDSM arts like Shibari. All of which makes sense, as they tend to be more on the sexual side. As far as I can tell (and please correct me if I'm wrong), providers attend socials looking for new business, but there don't seem to be as many events for them where you go and learn new things.

And then there are the ladies who easily move between both standards, but as far as I can tell they seem to be the exception rather than the rule.

So I have a few questions, but please feel free to add to the discussion! It's great to share info and expand your horizons.

To the gentleman, what type of domme do you prefer, and why?

To the ladies, do you prefer being "fetishy", or do you like having more domination-oriented sessions, and why?

It's more of a spectrum than black and white.

Some non-provider dommes crave the sexual aspects of BDSM; some are prudes. Most are somewhere in between. As with everything else in the scene, the trick is to find others whose kinks align with yours.

I think this is an EXCELLENT thread.. And I completely agree. But I also agree with that it is a spectrum of differences.

San Antonio is not very large on the Fetish play business.. believe me if I could get enough business only doing Domme scenes.. I would fill my book with those appt's first. I find them much more thrilling. But I do endulge in the sexual aspect of BDSM. Even in my personal life, my sub's are used for my pleasure.. whatever that may be in the moment.

If I could afford a dungeon, OH MY I would be in heaven. And I am slowly working up to that.

Even with that fact, this is a business. And going to socials and such can help with marketing. Advertising only goes so far, and sometimes it's just not enough.

i like having valuable experience in both worlds...
i like being being fully equipped for either or both...
i would like to think that i am flexible and adaptable enough to
customize your visit to your needs...wants...desires...
they call me a hybrid...

In the past, when I was looking for hardcore domination, I always went to see a regular domme, who've had years of experience. But me having a SO now... had to cut that out. Can't explain the brusies.

Now... I just prefer regular providers, "who caters to most fetishes," to help me live out my kinky and roleplay scenarios with light to moderate BDSM activities thrown in.

Trooper H

Great thread!

I have always loved all aspects of the BDSM scene...but never had much luck in finding a Domme that is into the sexual aspect as well.

Would love to find a provider in the Austin/San Antonio area

I am not into BDSM. That seems to be what "dommes" are into. Being tied up, spanked/beaten doesn't do it for me.

I'd prefer a lady who has an open mind, imagination, a few kinks of her own and is interested in letting me act out MY fantasies in a consensual environment. If the lady is a good listener, and is willing to take some initiative, she can find out what my hot buttons are. Safe, sane consensual--AND KINKY. That's my motto. LOL.

That's the kind of lady I'd like to find. (Although I think I have found her finally.)

I think SOME, NOT ALL, of the true dommes see BDSM, D/s as a convenient way to separate men from their money without having to provide anything of a sexual nature to the men. I tried that once, and felt totally disregarded as a human being by the domme. I left 15 minutes into the session. It was my fault, I suppose. I had misguided expectations. But I will never do that again.

I think the whole domination thing is tough for a lady until she knows exactly what floats your boat. The word means so many different things to everybody. If a lady told me she wanted me to dominate her in bed, my idea of domination might not be exactly what she is looking for. I think it takes time to build some rapport with a lady.

I agree with your Barney it takes a little time to be comfortable enough to go all out, but once your there....WHOOOOOOOO EEEEEEE it can get crazy adventerous and fun, if the right man walked up to me with the right amount of presence and confidence he could get me to do almost anything though...I think its also a YMMV issue

I am not into BDSM. That seems to be what "dommes" are into. Being tied up, spanked/beaten doesn't do it for me.

I'd prefer a lady who has an open mind, imagination, a few kinks of her own and is interested in letting me act out MY fantasies in a consensual environment. If the lady is a good listener, and is willing to take some initiative, she can find out what my hot buttons are. Safe, sane consensual--AND KINKY. That's my motto. LOL.

That's the kind of lady I'd like to find. (Although I think I have found her finally.)

I think SOME, NOT ALL, of the true dommes see BDSM, D/s as a convenient way to separate men from their money without having to provide anything of a sexual nature to the men. I tried that once, and felt totally disregarded as a human being by the domme. I left 15 minutes into the session. It was my fault, I suppose. I had misguided expectations. But I will never do that again.

I think the whole domination thing is tough for a lady until she knows exactly what floats your boat. The word means so many different things to everybody. If a lady told me she wanted me to dominate her in bed, my idea of domination might not be exactly what she is looking for. I think it takes time to build some rapport with a lady. Originally Posted by barneyrubble

I agree with your Barney it takes a little time to be comfortable enough to go all out, but once your there....WHOOOOOOOO EEEEEEE it can get crazy adventerous and fun, if the right man walked up to me with the right amount of presence and confidence he could get me to do almost anything though...I think its also a YMMV issue Originally Posted by DDMcGee

Yup n Yup

I am a Provider, a Dominant provider and a Dominatrix. Now, what was your question? What is my favorite session?

None are cookie cutter sessions, that is for sure. But my favorite these days is with a couple who come to see me. She is very inexperienced and has only had two lovers. She's in her late 30's and I'm her 3rd lover, first woman....and she's never even seen me!

He brings her in and blindfolds her. I then give her a massage that turns into a bondassage while her husband waits silently for my invitation to have sex with her after I'm done violating her body for my pleasure. She wears the blindfold because she is too nervous to go through with it if she looks at me.

I want to bring another man in to be with her while she's tied up and her husband watching or force her to watch me in a mirror in another room while i tie up her husband and rape him. Is that naughty?

This is my favorite session right now and I've fantasized about it often.

OMG thats SO HOT!!! Its naughty and I love it, can i watch?

I want to bring another man in to be with her while she's tied up and her husband watching or force her to watch me in a mirror in another room while i tie up her husband and rape him. Is that naughty?

This is my favorite session right now and I've fantasized about it often. Originally Posted by TaylorMaiden29

yup, taylor---that is very naughty and delicious

I suppose you could call me all three as well... provider, provider Domme, and Domme. I have two different personas. The reason I do that is because a lot of men that seek Dommes aren't looking for provider type services. I enjoy those sessions for different reasons and feel I can relate to the bottom. If you think about it, the sub actually has the control in the pro world. Its a fine line anyway. I guess I am some what of a cultural tourist. I'm like a sponge when it comes to things new and exciting. Everything about bdsm excites me. One of my goals is to have a stable of slaves one day. I dream of having a dungeon equipt with tons of furniture, bondage beds, exam rooms, and a closet full of beautiful corsets and latex and vinyl dresses along with tons of boots and 7 inch heels. I would like to know more Dommes and attend more classes. I don't know that I would have a D/s relationship, but definately play partners from time to time. Provider....I like these types of sessions for totally different reasons. Provider Domme....I really like these sessions because its a mix of things and if I feel I want to end in gfe or have sexual gratification I can freely do that as I am a very sexual creature. Great thread!!! Eventually Britney will maintain a very small number of gfe clients and become a Domme and providerDomme full time.

I am a Provider, a Dominant provider and a Dominatrix. Now, what was your question? What is my favorite session?

None are cookie cutter sessions, that is for sure. But my favorite these days is with a couple who come to see me. She is very inexperienced and has only had two lovers. She's in her late 30's and I'm her 3rd lover, first woman....and she's never even seen me!

He brings her in and blindfolds her. I then give her a massage that turns into a bondassage while her husband waits silently for my invitation to have sex with her after I'm done violating her body for my pleasure. She wears the blindfold because she is too nervous to go through with it if she looks at me.

I want to bring another man in to be with her while she's tied up and her husband watching or force her to watch me in a mirror in another room while i tie up her husband and rape him. Is that naughty?

This is my favorite session right now and I've fantasized about it often. Originally Posted by TaylorMaiden29

Wow...that is soooo hot on so many levels. Oh my!!

Wonderful thread. I had completely left the provider world for about 15 years or so to just do bdsm with dommes and wonderful ladies who do not provide "intimacy". Lady Lydia McLane, Domina Athena and Mistress Montana to name a few. However, I had met an UTR dancer who was a natural in domination and we had included sex from time to time in our bdsm roleplay. Wow! After that Idrifted back in to the provider world..but find I really want someone with a large measure of domination skills. So far, I have been blown away by Oklahoma's Gothic Pleasure Pet...Sexy and most skilled. But providers are very forthcoming as to how much of bdsm is in their wheelhouse when it comes to setting things up.