How Long Is Too Long?

I'd like to hear some opinions on how long is too long to be listing a provider as a reference. I received a screening request from a lady asking about one of the first few guys I had seen when I started in the hobby about 2 years ago. I didn't want to come across as being petty or unwilling to provide a reference, but I don't even have his number anymore so I couldn't verify him with that information. Generally speaking, I would feel comfortable providing a reference for someone up to a year, but not past that.

Ladies: How long are your references good for after an appointment and what is your reasoning behind it? Would you feel comfortable taking a reference from another provider if she hadn't seen the client in over a year or so?

Gentlemen: When you see a provider and she says she is reference friendly, do you have a certain expectation of how long you will be able to obtain references from her?

Excellent question, Vannah. I just had an incident today where a gentleman that I had only seen once, 4 or 5 years ago, asked to provide me as a reference...

I would say that a lot depends on whether you still have his information and whether you still remember him. But even so... to me, references are part of the service that we provide. If a client hasn’t paid for our services in years, then maybe there should be some type of compensation. I have thought about charging a reference fee for very old references. I’d be interested to know everyone’s opinion about this idea.

My normal reference policy is six months. I have extended it up to a year but that’s only if the person had seen me regularly prior.

Good question Vannah. I've wondered this myself and IMO i believe it all boils down to if provider still remembers client and has his or her info. My personal expectation is up to a year. Maybe more than a year if I have established rapport and a proper client/provider relationship.


Also I agree with pretty much everything Ginger just said in regards to a reference fee. Great idea!

A reference fee huh? How would you plan to collect it?

I feel like 6 months is a fair cutoff for providing a reference, at least for somebody you've only seen once. Depending on how often you see and/or interact with each other, you could have a longer cutoff, but that would depend on the provider.

till death do us part?


i get the year sentiment. really all sorts of shit can happen in a year. (like getting sick)

i had 2 ladies give me references for a long time after and it was very appreciated. especially for a guy that doesn't get out to play all that much.
for that i would have paid a reasonable ref fee. though i really, really don't want a paper or electronic payment trail leading back to me.
can you make anonymous payments through the walmart money desk?

I feel like 6 months is a fair cutoff for providing a reference, at least for somebody you've only seen once. Depending on how often you see and/or interact with each other, you could have a longer cutoff, but that would depend on the provider. Originally Posted by JdeHog

This is what I'd consider reasonable also. One year is stretching it, multiple years is ridiculous. Unless you'd seen them very frequently in the past, but in that case I think as a provider screening a client I'd wonder what changed to cause the gap.

I dont blame you!! like recently I had someone who didn't want to see me agaiin but wanted me to give him a reference every week but when we tried to plan it was beat around the bush!!

so when it comes to situations like that ! or like gingers! than that is only fair to charge for a reference. Especially when they have only seen you one or two times and keeps using you as a reference. And if their older than a year for me !

i understand life happens as well!

Every lady has the right to set her own guidelines. I am long time member with a few reviews, but I struggle to maintain recent/current references. Several reasons, I do not play a lot any more, and I see more newbies and they get out of the hobby, and there are other reasons.

I am grateful to several unnamed ladies that helped me in the past, some I did not not even review, and had not seen in quite a while, but they were so helpful in providing a reference. And I do APPRECIATE THAT!

Question? How long does a review, last? Does it go away?
If a guy took the time to review you, would you just acknowledge it and provide a reference?
Thanks again to any lady that has given me a reference, I do appreciate it.

A reference fee huh? How would you plan to collect it? Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

There are prepaid credit cards, etc... It can be anonymous.

...Also I agree with pretty much everything Ginger just said in regards to a reference fee. Great idea! Originally Posted by Parttimehobbyist

Thanks. There is virtually no difference between my suggestion and the entire premise of preferred411... They just charge an annual fee to maintain records of references/ok’s.

Any provider that does not want me to use them as a reference ever again, I understand. Please pm me and let me know. I am willing to comply. And I am not offended about it. I think this might be the best open honest policy. I would rather know, when I am doing some thing a provider, does not like, that is the only way I can correct it.

Excellent question, Vannah. I just had an incident today where a gentleman that I had only seen once, 4 or 5 years ago, asked to provide me as a reference...

I would say that a lot depends on whether you still have his information and whether you still remember him. But even so... to me, references are part of the service that we provide. If a client hasn’t paid for our services in years, then maybe there should be some type of compensation. I have thought about charging a reference fee for very old references. I’d be interested to know everyone’s opinion about this idea.

My normal reference policy is six months. I have extended it up to a year but that’s only if the person had seen me regularly prior. Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

I think that would be a good idea, Ginger. And I'm sure that the clients that don't hobby often would definitely be able to appreciate it.

Since I remembered his handle, I was able to tell her that I had seen this member before and he was very nice, but with a disclaimer that it had been almost 2 years and I no longer had his number.

Every lady has the right to set her own guidelines. I am long time member with a few reviews, but I struggle to maintain recent/current references. Several reasons, I do not play a lot any more, and I see more newbies and they get out of the hobby, and there are other reasons.

I am grateful to several unnamed ladies that helped me in the past, some I did not not even review, and had not seen in quite a while, but they were so helpful in providing a reference. And I do APPRECIATE THAT!

Question? How long does a review, last? Does it go away?
If a guy took the time to review you, would you just acknowledge it and provide a reference?
Thanks again to any lady that has given me a reference, I do appreciate it. Originally Posted by challenger340

That's totally understandable, Challenger. To answer your questions, I believe the reviews stick around as long as the provider's account has not been disabled, but I'm not completely sure so don't take my word for it. If someone that I remember wrote me a review and it was over a year since I had seen them, I wouldn't have a problem with providing a reference. I would however let the lady seeking the reference know that it had been awhile and let her decide if she's comfortable accepting a reference from that long ago.

From my stand point, the only reason I have concerns about giving a reference after a year is because things happen and people change. What if he lost his marbles since the last time I saw him and he did something inappropriate to the provider? Then that good reference would come back on me.

Excellent question, Vannah. I just had an incident today where a gentleman that I had only seen once, 4 or 5 years ago, asked to provide me as a reference...

I would say that a lot depends on whether you still have his information and whether you still remember him. But even so... to me, references are part of the service that we provide. If a client hasn’t paid for our services in years, then maybe there should be some type of compensation. I have thought about charging a reference fee for very old references. I’d be interested to know everyone’s opinion about this idea.

My normal reference policy is six months. I have extended it up to a year but that’s only if the person had seen me regularly prior. Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

Here's where it will get interesting, hobbiest tries to schedule with Provider A, gives Provider B as a reference. A contacts B for screening, B says it's been too long, so I need a fee to confirm. Does A pay B? Does A tell hobbiest to pay B for a reference? Since that in effect increases A's donation rate, is A now priced out and hobbiest goes to Provider C? And who is A pissed off at now, B or hobbiest?

I hobby enough that I always have a few within 6 months that will give reference, but sit back and watch that drama unfold if references start coming with fees.

Well I wouldn’t tell the girl ! I would tell him only lol
But it’s really for what ginger was saying if you seen him once 4 years ago and he still is using you as a reference !!
That is the situation we’re talking about not just get a fee for any reference no lol !!
Meaning if the guy only Has seen you once but use you as a reference constantly ! (And still won’t book with you) Than That is only fair for a fee!

But not for someone you see often or who tries to rearrange their schedule to see you ! We’re not talking about them guys gentlemen!!!

We are talking about the ones that see a girl once an use her as a reference every time but doesn’t plan to see her again!!

I love giving references cause I feel safer when I have one!

Recently I had to tell someone to stop using me as a reference cause he never wanted to book with me but every week he needed a reference! I told him to see me or send me something!
Situations like thAt & Ginger’s its only right on us!