Embarrassing Family Lessons

Ok,
I'm in my hometown for some personal stuff, and with that, I see a bunch of family. Now let me preface this by saying that my family is nuts. I know, I know, your family is nuts too. But I mean it. My family is the Barone family from "Everybody Loves Raymond".

So I'm sitting here overnight watching over a family member, and my 19 year old cousin walks in (male) and asks for a pen. I tell him to go into my laptop bag and grab one. Well, I forgot I had a small pouch in there that held condoms. Like, at least 25. So he opens it, and asks why I have so many, and I kinda laugh it off and say, "Oh well, you never know when that ********** (last name omitted) charm is going to work..."

So he then launches into this empassioned speech and was like,

"Dude...seriously. Just buy a 6-pack and re-use them until they get too worn, and then pitch them."

He then begins to instruct me in the "fine art" or condom re-usage. I gotta say, I work in healthcare, have literally massaged a human heart, and my stomach turned a little. I mean...Jesus.

He proceeded to show me, with some hospital toothpaste, no less; how to perform said maintenance. I was impressed and disgusted at the same time.

WTF, people.

I know some sick SOBs have done this. I once had a provider tell me to rinse my condom out in the sink and then throw it away.

My cousin then begins to teach me how to use a "reasonable substitute", such as plastic wrap to "get [you] by in a pinch." I don't think I can eat sausage wraps again without laughing.

Has anyone else had any weird-ass conversations like this with random or not-so-random family members since hobbying?

Oh that was TFF thanks so much sweetie I think we all needed a good laugh around here.
~Kisses Jen

LMFAO, We may be distant relatives.

Has anyone else had any weird-ass conversations like this with random or not-so-random family members since hobbying? Originally Posted by TheItalianStallion

Howdy, Folks!


Yes.

While sitting at the family dinner table, after a large meal and several bottles of wine, with my dad, his wife (my Step Mother), her brother (my Step Uncle), his wife, and other family members, we start talking about my dad's sister (my Aunt) who is a little random. My step mother is complaining about my Aunt's strange behavor. What strange behavor?

My Step Mother says "Well, while we were shopping together at the drug store, and she (my Aunt) yells from one end of the aisle to the Stocker at the other end aisle, `Heah, do you have anything for dry vagina?' Her voice is loud enough for everyone in the store to hear it. So I (my Step Mother) react by saying `Lady, who hell are you?' and I duck out of there as if I don't know her."

By now, the family is howling in laughter at dinner table for minutes about the question, the volume, the look of horror on faces, the possible responses, the products, etc, ...

The laughter settles down at the family dinner table. Except, my Step Uncle is still giggling, when he asks loudly "What's wrong with a little spit?" His wife blushes and leaves the table.

Once again, the family is howling in laughter at dinner table for minutes about the question, the volume, the look of horror on faces, the possible responses, the products, etc, ...

And now in my hobby, I occasionally have to ask "What's wrong with a little spit?"

Nothing near as funny but my first ex-wife, about the same time I found out she had been cheating on me, was explaining to me how she had been told at a clinic that in order to ensure no STDs were transmitted during DATY, you should put a piece of saran wrap down first. Apparently, you just lay it on and perform through that. Not sure if she ever did that with her boyfriend, but she sure didn't do it with me!

Well, it kinda makes sense to wash and re-use them. After all, you don't throw away your dick after getting man juice all over it.