Why do I do this to myself?

Hmm, thought I hit submit but its gone so here it is again




I never post reviews like this, but I just had to in this case.

Date: 3/1/2012
Provider: The Wife
Email Address: Thewife@TheBowelsOfHell.com
URL / Website: TheBowelsOfHell.com
City: The frozen North
State: North Pole
Phone: trust me, You don't want it but if your a Masochist , PM me for the info
Appointment Type: Incall
Did the Appointment take place at the agreed-upon time?: Unfortuantly
Activities: Dish washing, sweeping, catbox cleaning, office cleaning, other household chores
Session Length: 27 years but seems like forever
Fee: All my worldly goods and my inmortal soul
Hair Length and Color:Shoulder length. Roots are growing out so hard to tell her real hair color. Was dk brown at one point but who knows now?
Age: Don't know about her, but I feel a lot older everytime I see her
Smoking Status: yes. can breath smoke and fire at the same time as she can lower the temp so far hell freezes over
Ethnic Background: not sure. Demon? Shedevil? hellspawn?
Physical Description: Does the quote "Cptn, Thar She Blows!!" mean anything to you?
The Rest of the Story: Have not had any extra money lately to spend on the ladies so I decideded to try an old favorite. I had not had sex with her in over a year with her and was hoping things might be better this time. About 10pm I craweled on my belly down the hall to the Wifes bedroom and slinked into bed. I was in luck (maybe not). She was still awake!

Now, the forplay begins:
me: (in my best pleading voice)Can we have sex tonight, please?
Wife; Did you take out the trash?
me: yes dear. My heart lept with joy, she did not say no!!
Wife; Did you do the dishes?
me: yes dear. Still not a no. the little fellow starts to get excited
Wife: Did you clean the cat box?
me: yes dear. I reach out and touch her back.
Wife: (pulling away a little) Did you clean your office?
me; yes dear. I slip my hand down to her lower back, headed for that fat ass of hers
Wife: Did you clean the bathrooms and toliets?
me: yes dear. With a trembling hand I touch her butt
Wife: Did you vacuum the house?
me; yes dear. She did not push my hand away. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I keep my hand on her ass but don't move it.
Wife: Rub my back
me; yes dear. Oh how my heart and penis leapped with joy! Bare Skin!!!
Wife; Now rub my feet
me; yes dear. Boy, things are heating up now!
Wife: Did you change the sheets?
me: no dear, you were in bed already and I did not want to disturb you. I will do it as soon as you get up inth emorning. I am hit with a panic attack! Had I lost my chance?
Wife: (pushed her ass up in the air) Kiss it.
me: yes dear. Ah, still hope!
Wife: ( after trying to kiss her on the mouth) Your breath stinks. Go brush your teath.
me: yes dear. I hurry to the bathroom, brush, floss and gargle. Now, I have a hard on. After 13 months, SEX with the wife! Returning to bed, I see she is laying on her back. Heaving boosums slowly rising and falling she breaths. Nipples poking through her flannel night cloths. With eager anticipation, I reach my hand over to those bossoms of delight and touch her.
Wife; (slapping hand away) Go away, I have a headache.
me: yes dear, thank you dear. Good night dear

I crawl back to my room. My equipment has drawn up inside so far, I know I will need plyers to get it out again. Thanks goodness Rosey Palm and her 5 sisters were still in town. At least my plan B worked out.

Dispite everything, I am sure it was my fault. I will try her again in a year or so.


Recommendation: Yes, After all, its free sex, right?

Damn Bubba, how did you get her to agree to separate bedrooms? Mine makes me sleep in the same bed with her and won't give it up. Some guys have all the luck.

Bolt?

Bubba you did post it, but it got moved to The Sandbox, where this belongs. Unless that a member's wife is an active provider here, the humor in this thread belongs in the sandbox. With that said, I am moving this one.

kill joy! :-)

Greek or watersports on the menu?

I agree Bubba, Matador is a Kill Joy,

I already posted in the other thread but way to take one for the team. You should get full credit for this one. TFF

ASS

Monk-

I believe watersports may be on the menu. She does tell him to Piss Off quite a bit!

She and I both snore. Took awhile and a lot of pratice to snore loud enough for her to kick me to my own room but was worth the effort

Damn Bubba, how did you get her to agree to separate bedrooms? Mine makes me sleep in the same bed with her and won't give it up. Some guys have all the luck. Originally Posted by coven

Bolt? Originally Posted by Bubba3452

Yes?

Amusing post, Bubba.

"She and I both snore. Took awhile and a lot of pratice to snore loud enough for her to kick me to my own room but was worth the effort"

Quote:
Originally Posted by coven
Damn Bubba, how did you get her to agree to separate bedrooms? Mine makes me sleep in the same bed with her and won't give it up. Some guys have all the luck.

My wife and I have slept in separate bedrooms for years. It's the only way to go. I sleep like a baby every night.

What's her contact number?

I would not wish that even on you. Although there are a couple of other guys who I might consider

What's her contact number? Originally Posted by pyramider

Fuck! Bubba is married to my wife.....

So fuck'in sad. So fuck'in familiar.