This story is true; however, names and other identifying characteristics may have been changed or altered in accordance to the principal of "plausible deniability." Any likeness to persons living, real, dead, or imaginary is intentionally unintentional.
Bribing The Realtor Part #1
We became accidental landlords in the mid-90's when some property was bequeathed to us and over the next few years we acquired several other "investment" properties. I worked full time and my wife (CJ) managed the properties. This was a good fit because she wanted our children to be her primary responsibility. Thus she managed the day-to-day operations with me doing some of the heavy lifting on weekends.
After she died it took around two years for all the legal issues to conclude during which time I had to, continue to work, be a Dad, kick insurance company butt, kick trial lawyer butt, hire my own trial lawyer, help my kids deal with their grief, deal with extended family grief, deal with my grief, and manage the properties. At first the properties were not a big hassle, we had good tenants and relatively few maintenance issues. However, over time tenants changed and new ones had to be found, items broke and repairs made or new ones installed. I hired a property management company which helped some, but that created problems with a couple of long time tenants who ceased being customers some time ago when they became friends. I decided it was time to sell the Hunter Monopoly Empire.
I interviewed several Realtors and chose Kate for all the right, professional reasons. One of which was as a Broker/Realtor she offered a grantee that if a property she listed didn't sell within X months her commission would progressively drop each month after that. A more personal level, she was recommended by friends of my wife. Kate and CJ never met, but they shared friends.
At our first meeting, Kate wore a classy paints-suit so she didn't trigger off my clothing fetish, but that would change. Originally, from the south east US, Kate came to Texas with her husband after graduating college in the 80's (around the time I was keeping the world safe from Communism). Their two boys straddled the gaps between my three kids, which partially explains why Kate and CJ shared friends but hadn't met. More pertinent to me is that Kate is a very stylish dresser who liked to show off her legs and highlight her figure in a variety of skirts, dresses, and suits. Very professional and very, very sexy.
And yes, I started to notice. Every showing, every contract negotiation, every closing, I noticed. I noticed what she was wearing, how she wore it, when she wore it, and most importantly how it looked on HER. One thing I noticed was that on each of our closings the hem of her outfit was near mini in length. Something else I noticed was her tendency to complain about her husband. Kate wasn't overtly angry or running him down, but expressing some frustration some can feel when the SO appears takes them for granted. And I noticed...
What you have to understand is this, I was then entering my third year of celibacy after 15 years of honeymoon sex in both style and frequency, and urges were coming back. The fears of commitment may be preventing Love from planting, but her legs in a black pair of pumps have juices flowing again.
I'm a simple guy with simple guy like wants & pleasures. Excepting Christmas lights, I'm not big on displays of status. I drive a cheap-o-mobile; it gets me down Central just as fast as any luxury car. I much prefer wearing jeans to slacks, plain vs. fancy shirts, sneakers to oxfords, and I hate wearing suits and ties. I wear ties only for God and customer reviews. I'm lucky in that regard, for the most part my customers are more impressed with how my systems perform than what I drive or how trendy my clothes are (just put on a tie for that review). That's why sales gets the expense accounts and engineering get the shaft.
At our second closing, we were in a room together and she was wearing this very sexy, near mini-dress that pulled tightly across her bust. I was in blue jeans and a casual work shirt. We chatted, she laughed at all my jokes (always a good sign), and so I tried some mild flirting, which was either ignored or so poorly delivered so as not even to be noticed. I think it was ignored.
Many, many years ago a friend and I went into a club when (from reasons that now escape me) I was dressed relatively "up" and he was relatively "down." The crowd was hopping, I was out mingling and dancing with the ladies, but my buddy was having difficulty getting a waitress to take his drink order. He later pointed out that whenever we were together the waitress would always talk to me. The clothes make the man. In my professional world my clothing works. If you need a mission critical system who do you want designing it, someone that looks this guy or this guy? Sometimes perception trumps the truth. Looking at it another way, if I'm attracted to the way she dresses, shouldn't I do the same for her?
Except it's different. Women like shopping for clothes, men generally don't. The reciprocal is that most men will enjoy a trip to Elliott's Hardware (AKA Daddy's Toy Store) and women generally don't. Both can be as expensive. I don't like shopping for clothes; I won't even try on a pair of jeans before I buy them. If what I want is to get attention from a female then I need to set bait a female likes. I need to go clothes shopping with a woman. (shudder...)
That's where Lauren comes in. Lauren is Jake's wife, I've known Jake since the creek incident back in 1969 (we don't talk about it). We don't even knock at each other's house anymore, wastes time. He's in the kitchen doing what he does best, eating.
"Hey dude. I need to borrow your wife."
He slowly looks up at me, "You know I'm not into that, besides you have nothing to trade..."
"I heard that!" comes a female shout from the back.
"Jake, you're sick..." I smile.
"So I've been told." He resumes eating.
Lauren comes in, "What's up?"
"I need your help shopping for a new wardrobe."
I explained that a new promotion at work implies I need to dress "up" a bit more. Lauren was almost gleeful at the prospect. I spent the next four hours at the mall feeling more like Lauren's Ken doll than her husband's childhood friend. However, as events will show she did a very good job dressing me "up". And they form the core of my wardrobe today. It good to be a guy.
Now what to do about the very sexy Kate?
I can't wait.
