Interesting and poignant. Lessons for us all.
A palliative nurse recorded the most common regrets of the dying and put her findings into a book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’ It’s not surprising to see what made the list as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book. At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in checking it out.
One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
http://www.collective-evolution.com/...-of-the-dying/
- CuteOldGuy
- 04-28-2013, 01:05 AM
- Zabrina Sarafina
- 04-28-2013, 03:06 AM
Of course you knew I was going to reply to this 
First of all, let's rephrase that morbid title. DYING. Noone really dies. The outer shells die. We as souls are pretty much transcendental (at lease as far down the road I can 'see')
Yea the structure you are is always breaking down and evolving but I wouldn't call that "dying". So no need to get out the weeping kleenex tissues, all is well
But the theme of this book, the people near or right by the edge have very valuable insight to remind us, make us stop and remember what this. living. life. is all about. "as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love"
Things that we. truly love. How hard can that be?
Another key point "Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward."
Everything around is always moving forward. The past? What past? There is no past, except in the area of your physical brain which keeps memories stored. All the events coming back to haunt you pleasant/unpleasant - let it play don't force to block it out, however understand it for what it is - memories. I know a it's a huge mind blowing perspective change for some people who cling to the past so desperately. But it's ok to allow yourself to process the emotions which then your emotional body will filter through, which facilitates the healing process - if needed. Then and then only will you be released, unchained, to move forward. "be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice." Amen!
"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself" - What is being True? What is your personal Truth? Only you Know
A good place to start can be by asking yourself, What it is Not? Who are you Not? What don't you love? Enjoy?
"I wish I hadn’t worked so hard." - I feel if what you're working hard for is your life's passion, as above being true to yourself, then why would you regret it? It would have been a life well lived. On the other hand, if you do feel regret then you know something was wrong, whatever you were busy with wasn't right, it wasn't True
And then you feel remorse, but allow yourself personal forgiveness. We in our human forms with our limited perspectives (as in we can't see as much as the Universe sees)
aren't expected or judged on some saintly goal of "perfection". People get mistaken. Our sole purpose here is to Learn. Live. Let go
"I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings." - Again this ties with being true to you. Now why were we given a vocal cord? A Voice? For what Reason, purpose? To help express our highest vibrations - to express our Love, to say I Feel You, I Want you to Feel me. Can You Feel Me? Can you see what I see? Can you show me what you see? Understanding. If there is a blockage in communication it can lead to hurt or repressed emotions/feelings, which is obviously not healthy and as the blockage builds up and up inside ...we see an outburst. (As you see in the news all the time)
"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends." - I feel the following poem explains it all
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- unknown
"I wish that I had let myself be happier." - Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
You know I have been guilty of this myself in the past (and am still working on creeping out of the 'small box' I live in, it's so hard letting go of familiarity, as I am a creature of my habits I welcome change yet I have to be holding on to something for support
Whew! Long post
First of all, let's rephrase that morbid title. DYING. Noone really dies. The outer shells die. We as souls are pretty much transcendental (at lease as far down the road I can 'see')
Yea the structure you are is always breaking down and evolving but I wouldn't call that "dying". So no need to get out the weeping kleenex tissues, all is well
But the theme of this book, the people near or right by the edge have very valuable insight to remind us, make us stop and remember what this. living. life. is all about. "as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love"
Things that we. truly love. How hard can that be?
Another key point "Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward."
Everything around is always moving forward. The past? What past? There is no past, except in the area of your physical brain which keeps memories stored. All the events coming back to haunt you pleasant/unpleasant - let it play don't force to block it out, however understand it for what it is - memories. I know a it's a huge mind blowing perspective change for some people who cling to the past so desperately. But it's ok to allow yourself to process the emotions which then your emotional body will filter through, which facilitates the healing process - if needed. Then and then only will you be released, unchained, to move forward. "be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice." Amen!
"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself" - What is being True? What is your personal Truth? Only you Know
A good place to start can be by asking yourself, What it is Not? Who are you Not? What don't you love? Enjoy?
"I wish I hadn’t worked so hard." - I feel if what you're working hard for is your life's passion, as above being true to yourself, then why would you regret it? It would have been a life well lived. On the other hand, if you do feel regret then you know something was wrong, whatever you were busy with wasn't right, it wasn't True
And then you feel remorse, but allow yourself personal forgiveness. We in our human forms with our limited perspectives (as in we can't see as much as the Universe sees)
aren't expected or judged on some saintly goal of "perfection". People get mistaken. Our sole purpose here is to Learn. Live. Let go
"I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings." - Again this ties with being true to you. Now why were we given a vocal cord? A Voice? For what Reason, purpose? To help express our highest vibrations - to express our Love, to say I Feel You, I Want you to Feel me. Can You Feel Me? Can you see what I see? Can you show me what you see? Understanding. If there is a blockage in communication it can lead to hurt or repressed emotions/feelings, which is obviously not healthy and as the blockage builds up and up inside ...we see an outburst. (As you see in the news all the time)
"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends." - I feel the following poem explains it all
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- unknown
"I wish that I had let myself be happier." - Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
You know I have been guilty of this myself in the past (and am still working on creeping out of the 'small box' I live in, it's so hard letting go of familiarity, as I am a creature of my habits
I welcome change yet I have to be holding on to something for support Whew! Long post
- Randy4Candy
- 04-28-2013, 06:41 AM
Awww, gritsboy, how sensitive, warm and human you are. You sound like a bleeding heart liberal.
According to 99.5% of gritsboy and his teawipe acolytes' usual postings, these five regrets smack of socialistic, if not communistic, anti-production anti-Americanisms. You guys are all about "kneel before Zod," be thankful for a job and do exactly what you are told corporatism. There's no room for the self when you're at the beck and call of your daddy's in today's version of corporate serfdom.
According to 99.5% of gritsboy and his teawipe acolytes' usual postings, these five regrets smack of socialistic, if not communistic, anti-production anti-Americanisms. You guys are all about "kneel before Zod," be thankful for a job and do exactly what you are told corporatism. There's no room for the self when you're at the beck and call of your daddy's in today's version of corporate serfdom.
- i'va biggen
- 04-28-2013, 07:45 AM
which was yours corrupt old geezer?
- gnadfly
- 04-28-2013, 11:31 AM
6. They wish they hadn't spent so much time replying to stupid trolls on SHMBs.
- Chica Chaser
- 04-28-2013, 03:33 PM
- Guest032516
- 04-28-2013, 10:11 PM
1. They wish they had not been so gullible and listened to so many conspiracy theories.
- CuteOldGuy
- 04-29-2013, 01:13 AM
Of course you knew I was going to reply to thisA long post, yes, and well worth reading! Thanks!
First of all, let's rephrase that morbid title. DYING. Noone really dies. The outer shells die. We as souls are pretty much transcendental (at lease as far down the road I can 'see')
Yea the structure you are is always breaking down and evolving but I wouldn't call that "dying". So no need to get out the weeping kleenex tissues, all is well
But the theme of this book, the people near or right by the edge have very valuable insight to remind us, make us stop and remember what this. living. life. is all about. "as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love"
Things that we. truly love. How hard can that be?
Another key point "Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward."
Everything around is always moving forward. The past? What past? There is no past, except in the area of your physical brain which keeps memories stored. All the events coming back to haunt you pleasant/unpleasant - let it play don't force to block it out, however understand it for what it is - memories. I know a it's a huge mind blowing perspective change for some people who cling to the past so desperately. But it's ok to allow yourself to process the emotions which then your emotional body will filter through, which facilitates the healing process - if needed. Then and then only will you be released, unchained, to move forward. "be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice." Amen!
"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself" - What is being True? What is your personal Truth? Only you Know
A good place to start can be by asking yourself, What it is Not? Who are you Not? What don't you love? Enjoy?
"I wish I hadn’t worked so hard." - I feel if what you're working hard for is your life's passion, as above being true to yourself, then why would you regret it? It would have been a life well lived. On the other hand, if you do feel regret then you know something was wrong, whatever you were busy with wasn't right, it wasn't True
And then you feel remorse, but allow yourself personal forgiveness. We in our human forms with our limited perspectives (as in we can't see as much as the Universe sees)
aren't expected or judged on some saintly goal of "perfection". People get mistaken. Our sole purpose here is to Learn. Live. Let go
"I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings." - Again this ties with being true to you. Now why were we given a vocal cord? A Voice? For what Reason, purpose? To help express our highest vibrations - to express our Love, to say I Feel You, I Want you to Feel me. Can You Feel Me? Can you see what I see? Can you show me what you see? Understanding. If there is a blockage in communication it can lead to hurt or repressed emotions/feelings, which is obviously not healthy and as the blockage builds up and up inside ...we see an outburst. (As you see in the news all the time)
"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends." - I feel the following poem explains it all
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- unknown
"I wish that I had let myself be happier." - Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
You know I have been guilty of this myself in the past (and am still working on creeping out of the 'small box' I live in, it's so hard letting go of familiarity, as I am a creature of my habits
Whew! Long post Originally Posted by Zabrina Sarafina
+1
- essence
- 04-29-2013, 03:10 PM
- CuteOldGuy
- 04-29-2013, 10:45 PM
For once, you're right, Essence. That should DEFINITELY be on the list!