OUTED BY A POULAR PROVIDER who posts here. What would you do?

Now Now before you respond read this.........This is also a lesson learned thread.

This is more informational and for advice.

This was not recent. It has been about 3 to 5 years since I have been outed. And it didn't effect my life financially (never married) but it did effect me emotionally as I eventually lost a good relationship. The pieces could never be mended although we tried.

I have always never hobbied while in a relationship. Even when I was dating I always took a break from the hobby world. I always kept my p411 though just in case......

Now you see a lot in threads about guys preference to not use their real names. And for the most part I haven't had to. But to sometimes get your foot in the door to see the ladies you prefer you have to volunteer a lil information like a name. Usually I do this with two ladies only....and apprently I picked the wrong provider to trust with this info.

Well I did this over 3 to 5 years ago. And strangely.....although not surprisingly the provider saved and kept the email. And this was many years after our initial encounter...the initial email in which I used my name
And a second email I used as a provider reference requests to see another lady which she approved for me to see three ladies. I even spoke to her on the phone, to confirm that I was asking.

So now this lady (who does post regularly and is in somewhat of a higher threshold of service acumen since then........sent an email hotlinked and forwarded displaying all my emails with her to my girlfriend at the time.....to include time periods and date requests I sent in each email. She even was so vindictive as to hotlink all of my past reviews on aspd and eraps at the time. It was a hotmess.

Now at the time I wasn't overly concerned with contacting the lady to ask her why she did that..........and still haven't. My girlfriend did not know the provider. However I found out the screener for this provider is the one who outed me. I was naive at the time and assumed ladies wouldn't used outside sources for their business such as emails.....but apprently she did. Which really puzzled me because she would always answer her own calls. Apprently the screener was very old friend with my girlfriend........who of course was telling the screener about this new man in her life....then my name came up and my life changed. I'm smarter for it now though.

Well I have seen this provider post in many threads on this site. She seems very popular. Usually if something like this occurred I would post an alert, but I didn't really know definitively if it involved her. But I'm unsure because on aspd I received a pm saying "I know who you are"....after the damage had been done.

So I was just wondering what you ladies and gents think I should do if you were in my shoes. I mainly wrote this so people could see a lesson learned from this. Choose your providers carefully and also be careful screening with your info. My losses werent as serious as a married persons....but they damn well could have been at the time and I wasn't even hobbying.

Since the outting infraction was committed by the screener, and if you believe the provider wasn't involved, then I would begin by informing the provider. She might want to consider using another screener. I would post an advisory on the screener so that other providers could avoid similar problems.

I'd out the screener and the provider. No one deserve to be treated as you were.

See so far I have been conflicted about what to do.

I tried to put myself in everyones shoes. The screener had a moral obligation somewhat to her old friend (my girlfriend) to tell her about me. I think if other ladies homegirls were put in a situation like that they would do the same thing. But women are devious....and later I found out the screener and her were old chums but not very close at all recently.......so basically the screener wanted to shit on my girlfriend happy parade over me.

The thing that concerns me the most is the access to stuff the screener had. She responded to the emails and probably had access to her p411 since it didn't require a voice. But the fact that she had old ass emails and paper trails is what concerned me the most. But I can't even co contact the provider directly by phone. Because all communication is limited to email first or a voicemail....which the screener would have access to.

Its just a weird situation altogether.

I feel better discussing it. But it lingers a little mentally and everytime I screen sometimes I feel as if it might could happen again. I don't want that experience to impede upon another, but its always a concern for me when screening.

Since the outting infraction was committed by the screener, and if you believe the provider wasn't involved, then I would begin by informing the provider. She might want to consider using another screener. I would post an advisory on the screener so that other providers could avoid similar problems. Originally Posted by Bigh1955

Totally agree.

I disagree the screener had a moral obligation to her friend/your gf. Even if she did, there were numerous ways to approach the subject more tactfully than she did. What she did was to violate a professional confidence...In other professions this would likely result in her loss of license. In the hobby it should result in permanent blacklisting. We need to protect ourselves for obvious reasons. Those who deliberately compromise our identity - outting - have no place in our community - Personally I wish you'd stand up for everyone else who may be exposed to this by screening thru her and EXILE HER!

The screener had a moral obligation somewhat to her old friend (my girlfriend) to tell her about me. I think if other ladies homegirls were put in a situation like that they would do the same thing. Originally Posted by gimme_that

Moral obligation?! No, she was just being a messy bitch. The only time women rat on their homegirl's man is to keep up shit and spread misery. This would be understandable if she was a screener for a BBFS crackhead tranny provider.

I am so sorry this happened to you. It is a tough call but really the screener has probably messed up alot of guys lives and who knows the provider may know also. I feel for people on both sides. I feel for guys cause I think how women could mess their whole life up over what a few dollars and I feel for girls cause we get some crazy ass that outs us or tries and harm our family. I know it is a tough battle with yourself and I wish I could tell you what to do. Hope you have a good week take care. TP

See so far I have been conflicted about what to do.

I tried to put myself in everyones shoes. The screener had a moral obligation somewhat to her old friend (my girlfriend) to tell her about me. I think if other ladies homegirls were put in a situation like that they would do the same thing. But women are devious....and later I found out the screener and her were old chums but not very close at all recently.......so basically the screener wanted to shit on my girlfriend happy parade over me.

The thing that concerns me the most is the access to stuff the screener had. She responded to the emails and probably had access to her p411 since it didn't require a voice. But the fact that she had old ass emails and paper trails is what concerned me the most. But I can't even co contact the provider directly by phone. Because all communication is limited to email first or a voicemail....which the screener would have access to.

Its just a weird situation altogether.

I feel better discussing it. But it lingers a little mentally and everytime I screen sometimes I feel as if it might could happen again. I don't want that experience to impede upon another, but its always a concern for me when screening. Originally Posted by gimme_that

There are NO moral obligations in the Hobby to out someone. I see this in the same light as patient confidentially, as I hear many things that a fellow would normally only say to his therapist. Why you go to a provider is your business and yours alone, and unless you tried to harm someone physically, there is no reason for your real world info to be revealed - ever. There is an implied code of silence here with discretion paramount if a lady wants to remain in business with a good reputation.

The screener was, and yes, I'll say it, a bitch. I don't understand why ladies use these services to begin with. Are they THAT busy? All providers should know how to do their own screening and keep that precious info close. The less links involved in a chain, the less likely it is to break.

Since you couldn't get hold of the provider directly, you pretty much had no choice but to put out a warning on her assistant. However, if this happened several years ago, I'm not sure an alert now would even be relevant or taken seriously. Do you know for sure if this provider still uses the same screener?

Thank you for sharing a bad experience as a caveat emptor to others.

I agree with Fancy. What the screener did was very wrong. The screener is held at the same level as a provider. Confidentiality. Trust. I would definitely let people know what happened, who the screener was, and who the screener is screening for. I'm very sorry that happened to you. Not all providers or screeners are that way. Most do believe in discretion and confidentiality. If the screener is doing this to others, he/she could be ruining that provider's business or even other people's business. That screener is not to be trusted with any piece of information and definitely shouldn't be reading old emails.

+ 1 with Fancy, I wouldn't trust the Secret Service to screen for me! (well you know what I mean lol)

Sorry that happened Gimme, It always helps to remind people to stay on their toes and always take necessary precautions to avoid a situation like this

Since the outting infraction was committed by the screener, and if you believe the provider wasn't involved, then I would begin by informing the provider. She might want to consider using another screener. I would post an advisory on the screener so that other providers could avoid similar problems. Originally Posted by Bigh1955

The provider should have known immediately when it happened that her screener was outing her clients, and SHE should have put that bitch on blast. Now whomever this lady is, she could suffer since there is no telling who else is outed dealing with her and her screener, even if it's unbeknownst to her.

Whoever this screener is, she should NOT be trusted with anyone's client information. She had a moral obligation to keep her fucking mouth shut. I don't watch First 48 because I don't like snitches. A companion is only as trustworthy as the people around her.

She's the one that needs to be outed. I would leave it for the lady to inform her clients of the breach.

I disagree the screener had a moral obligation to her friend/your gf. Even if she did, there were numerous ways to approach the subject more tactfully than she did. What she did was to violate a professional confidence...In other professions this would likely result in her loss of license. In the hobby it should result in permanent blacklisting. We need to protect ourselves for obvious reasons. Those who deliberately compromise our identity - outting - have no place in our community - Personally I wish you'd stand up for everyone else who may be exposed to this by screening thru her and EXILE HER! Originally Posted by Bigh1955

Yea I am thinking the way you are. I am a bit confused this happened during the old aspd days? That was more like, 6 years ago? Why didn' t you contact the provider to let her know her own screener (who she was probably paying) was doing this?

I am sure there are two sides to every story, but it seems odd that you are now just pondering outing the provider possibly here now that you claim she has become "popular".

My radar is up on this one..

It is really easy to ruin a ladies rep on boards like this when no one really knows what the motivations are behind posts like these.

Edit: I think also the other thing that is bothering me about the OPs post here is he talks so casually about this.. like it wasn't that big of a deal at that time, "but now she has become popular" and he is wondering if he should take action?

Now Now before you respond read this.........This is also a lesson learned thread.

This is more informational and for advice.

This was not recent. It has been about 3 to 5 years since I have been outed.


3 to 5 years ago. the provider saved and kept the email. this was many years after our initial encounter...the initial email in which I used my name And a second email I used as a provider reference requests which she approved

So now this lady ......sent an email hotlinked and forwarded displaying all my emails with her to my girlfriend ....to include time periods and date requests I sent in each email. She even was so vindictive as to hotlink all of my past reviews on aspd and eraps at the time.

I wasn't concerned with contacting the lady to ask her why she did that..........and still haven't.. I found out the screener for this provider is the one who outed me.. Apprently the screener was very old friend with my girlfriend.......

Usually if something like this occurred I would post an alert

So I was just wondering what you ladies and gents think I should do if you were in my shoes.. Originally Posted by gimme_that

There's not a whole hell of a lot you can do, now.

But there was a whole hell of a lot that you could have/should have done when this happened.

When it happened you should have posted an alert. Since you didn't,
you've done the a community a disservice by not making us aware of their transgressions.

.... and since they're still both active in the hobby,
who knows how many other people's personal information
they've managed to stockpile...?

But the thing that sticks out most in my mind, is, why all the concern now?

You obviously weren't concerned when it happened, so why now?

.

.

I'm sure his feathers get ruffled every time he sees her post from the bad experience he had .


dumb picture but I thought it was funny