Old Fashioned Pet Peeve

When I first got into this business, before the internet, I worked for an escort service that NEVER sent anyone to a hotel without giving a lady the man's real name and room number first. We were instructed to call the hotel and say, "May I speak to so and so in such and such room?" to verify the client's identity before going to see him.

I was taught that it is important for a lady to know who she is going to see. Sometimes the hotel parking lot is full, and if you have to valet your car, the first thing the valet will say when he opens your car door is, "What is your room number?" If you are not registered they want to know who you there to see. If you don't know the name of the person, just a room number, you look like an idiot. Eye brows are raised.

Sometimes elevators can be hard to find. If you need to ask the concierge to direct you, they will ask you for the room number, and name of the guest you are visiting. They will look for your client in the hotel computer, and offer to give him a call and announce your arrival. If you do not the name correct, they will tell you that they don't have a guest registered by that name, and show you the door.

If you decide not to the concierge for help, and wander around looking for the elevators, a hotel employee may notice that you look lost and offer to help you find your way. Then he will take you to the concierge desk. Any way you cut it, it is bad news to go knocking on hotel doors without knowing the name of the person you are going to see.

I am surprised at how many guys want women to deliver services to their hotel room door, but they don't want the lady to know their name. If I were a guy, I'd be exactly the opposite. I'd want to make sure the lady has the name exactly right.

If a lady agrees to come see you with out knowing your name, and she gets hauled to the concierge desk, what is she supposed to say when they ask her the name of the guest she is visiting? Do you want her to tell the truth and say , "I am here to see the guy who is in room such and such! But he doesn't want me to know his name!"

Hotels know why a guest doesn't want a visitor that he has invited to his room to know his name. It is much more discrete and professional for everyone involved to know the name of the person you are going to see.

Nice once upon a time story! Years ago you could tell the Pit Boss, Bell Man or Concierge what you were looking for and have "her" sent to your room in Las Vegas. Not any more I'm afraid. Things have changed.

Deva,
It's the same for us gents. I know better than to ask a lady for a real name though. How would you answer that? I had an appointment with a lady a while back that was going to be a photo shoot as well. when I got the room number and directions she told me the wrong way to turn past the lobby. I was carrying my camera bag, my portable light set, tripod, reflector etc wandering the hall. I finally had to ask a maid where the hell the room was. I was in the wrong section completely. It took 10 minutes to finally get there. When I mentioned it the girl just smiled. I always ask which way to go once your in the lobby or better yet if there's a side door. And standing in the lobby looking for room number signs or elevators will get you looked at always. The less time your wandering about the better... BD

"Hotels know why a guest doesn't want a visitor that he has invited to his room to know his name. It is much more discrete and professional for everyone involved to know the name of the person you are going to see. Originally Posted by Deva Divine

Exactyly. I have always believed it does more harm to withdraw the hobbyists name from the list of details I need to know regarding safety. Discretion is the ultimate key in this hobby, and its the slip-ups that cause mishaps and LE attention - death in the details!
A topic that needed address!

So if I tell you mine ...will you tell me yours? BD

Girls, here are the facts. Some of us guys will not give you our real names. It is not only to protect ourselves but also you. Also, some of you think all of us stay at the Ritz or 4 and 5 star hotels. Reality is most of us stay at the Comfort Inn where nobody cares who you are or why you are there. If a potential client is staying at a swanky hotel, I would think they would know how to be discrete and make the rendezvous happen while preventing nosey staff from interfering. Maybe the guy will meet the lady in the lobby. Maybe the guy will check in under an assumed name and give that name to the agency/girl when booking. Maybe the girl can follow rule #1 when operating in a hotel-- act like you know what you are doing. I think I speak for 95% of all the guys-- we aren't going to give our real names if it puts us at risk. Once I give someone my real name, I have NO control over what they do with that info.

Deva, I understand your point and agree that any situation which makes a lady stand out to the hotel staff, etc, is not good.

However I disagree with your solution--know the name and room number--as the only way around that. I do not give out my name early in any relationship--the ladies who know my real info are ones I have known a long while.

But I select my hotels with an eye towards entrances, elevators, etc. I make sure she as a good description of where to park, where to enter, how to get up to the room. I ask her which hotel works well for her and will often stay there when I'm going to see her. Or we meet somewhere else--coffee shop, restaurant, etc.--and go to the hotel together. There are a lot of options out there, and if the two people cannot come up with a mutually agreeable approach then that date wasn't meant to happen. Move on--from either side.

My preference is to meet for dinner or coffee somewhere. It allows each to back out gracefully if it's an obvious bad fit. It allows some flirting and anticipation. And as a side benefit it reduces the likelyhood of a LE problem.

You say- "I know better than to ask a lady for a real name though. How would you answer that?"

I have no desire to spend time with anyone, intimately in private alone, that I would not trust with my real name. If I want to see you, after our telephone conversation, then I am happy for you to know my real name. In fact, I don't want you coming to my hotel room unless you know my real name, and the occupation I use when I am traveling, because if security stops you and wants to know which guest you are visiting, I don't want you to look like an idiot because you know my room number, but not my name. And I want you to have a legitimate reason for coming to see me.

If I decide I want to see you, I will give you my real name, and you can look me up before you give me yours.

I reiterate that I most certainly don't want to spend time alone with anyone that I don't trust with my name. Meeting for coffee does not work to protect you. I have a girlfriend who met a gent for coffee, liked him, and invited him to her hotel room, where she promptly got arrested, and spent three days in jail, 1500 miles from home. As a general rule of thumb. My best clients volunteer their names. The people who don't want me to know their names have shame issues that are reflected in their sexual style. It is difficult to be with them. Not all, but the biggest majority.

So if I tell you mine ...will you tell me yours? BD Originally Posted by ben dover

If I want to see you after we have talked on the phone, then I am happy to give you my name. IN fact, if you are coming to see me, I want you to know what my name is, and the occupation I am using that will make it kosher for you to be visiting me at my hotel room.

My preference is to meet for dinner or coffee somewhere. It allows each to back out gracefully if it's an obvious bad fit. It allows some flirting and anticipation. And as a side benefit it reduces the likelyhood of a LE problem. Originally Posted by Old-T

If you are attending a work conference and your friends are staying in the same hotel, you cannot take the chance of anyone seeing us have coffee together. This happens frequently. I was explaining to one gentleman why I needed his name, and it was very likely that I would have to valet at the hotel where he was staying, and he wanted to stand downstairs, watch for me and have me walk 6 feet behind him to his room, as if that would make it ok to not know the name of the guy I am stalking. Me following an idiot to his room. Sure thing. I think prostitution should be legalized and it should be illegal to have sex with anyone who is ashamed or afraid to tell you his name.

I have no desire to spend time with anyone, intimately in private alone, that I would not trust with my real name. If I want to see you, after our telephone conversation, then I am happy for you to know my real name. In fact, I don't want you coming to my hotel room unless you know my real name, and the occupation I use when I am traveling, because if security stops you and wants to know which guest you are visiting, I don't want you to look like an idiot because you know my room number, but not my name. And I want you to have a legitimate reason for coming to see me. Deva, I am certainly not going to try and change your viewpoint on this. If it works for you, then by all means keep doing what works and what you are comfortable with. I am certain you know--long before this thread--that it will limit the gentlemen who will be willing to see you. There are a number of ladies who know my name, address, and a couple who have keys to my house--but never so quickly.

I reiterate that I most certainly don't want to spend time alone with anyone that I don't trust with my name. Meeting for coffee does not work to protect you. I have a girlfriend who met a gent for coffee, liked him, and invited him to her hotel room, where she promptly got arrested, and spent three days in jail, As the other current thread says, nothing is foolproof. I never meant to imply that coffee was a suitable substitute for good screening--I only mentioned it as a way to meet a lady and then return to the hotel without the issue of being asked for a name & room number. My bad if it came across as a substitute for screening.

My best clients volunteer their names. The people who don't want me to know their names have shame issues that are reflected in their sexual style. It is difficult to be with them. Not all, but the biggest majority. That may well be true, but for many others it is a safety issue--not physical safety as the lades should be concerned about, but fear of being outed/blackmailed to thier boss, family, friends, etc. Originally Posted by Deva Divine

If you are attending a work conference and your friends are staying in the same hotel, you cannot take the chance of anyone seeing us have coffee together. IThis happens frequently. disagree on two counts. First, if I am traveling I make sure I do not stay in the same hotel as others in my party. I acknowledge I have it easier in this regard than many might. Second, no matter who I am with in public I make sure there is a very plausable explaination. This "running into someone I know" has happened a number of times, always uneventfully. Prepairation is necessary--but not necessarilly real names. The same is true when we have run into someone "she" knows. When I'm home I never see someone I don't know well so it is easier, I admit.

I was explaining to one gentleman why I needed his name, and it was very likely that I would have to valet at the hotel where he was staying, and he wanted to stand downstairs, watch for me and have me walk 6 feet behind him to his room, as if that would make it ok to not know the name of the guy I am stalking. Me following an idiot to his room. I completely agree THAT is a way to look suspicious, not discrete. Originally Posted by Deva Divine

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I have yet to be asked by valet or hotel staff who I may be visiting or the room number I may be going to.

If I want to see you after we have talked on the phone, then I am happy to give you my name. IN fact, if you are coming to see me, I want you to know what my name is, and the occupation I am using that will make it kosher for you to be visiting me at my hotel room. Originally Posted by Deva Divine

I am stunned, in all my experience I have never run across a provider that would give her info out. The most I have ever gotten was a real first name after a few appointments and I don't need or want to know any more. I stand corrected in your case. I just don't see where it can be good. You can't undo that once it's done. You're a very trusting person, maybe too much for this type of work. I think of myself as a good guy and can provide plenty of references but i'm sure there are guys out there that can talk a good line on the phone, get your info and use it against you. BD

I am stunned, in all my experience I have never run across a provider that would give her info out. The most I have ever gotten was a real first name after a few appointments and I don't need or want to know any more. I stand corrected in your case. I just don't see where it can be good. You can't undo that once it's done. You're a very trusting person, maybe too much for this type of work. I think of myself as a good guy and can provide plenty of references but i'm sure there are guys out there that can talk a good line on the phone, get your info and use it against you. BD Originally Posted by ben dover

Ben, I agree with your sentiment. There are some very bad folks who lurk in this corner of the world and it scares me how trusting/naieve some ladies can be. I would guess I know real names--sometimes home addresses--for about 20% of the ladies before I meet them. And I have never asked for that information. Sometimes they have it show up on their e-mail address! Sometimes when I search their phone number to find reviews it pops up their real world info. Sometimes when I offer to meet her at a restaurant (to avoid the issue of stumbling around a hotel) and she writes back "Why don't you pick me up at XXXXX", and gives me her name and home address! After we know each other, fine. But not before we meet.

I have never been hauled off to the concierge because A) I check the hotel's website for parking information and B) if I am unfamiliar with the hotel I ask the client where to go when I walk in.


Just basic preparation stuff. If you haven't already, you might want to start a discussion in your local infoshare about screening/hotel etiquette/safety issues.

Good luck!