…so, after I had been posting on the ECCIE board for a while, I mentioned in the MEN’S LOUNGE that, ever since I moved to Texas, I had dreamed of owning a ranch.
TOYZ responded that he had had the same dream, and had bought a little sheep ranch way out in the Texas Hill Country.
I went out to visit Toyz’ ranch, and it was, indeed, beautiful. I told him so.
“Well then, you’re in luck,” Toyz said. “It turns out the sheep ranch just next door is up for sale. You should buy it!”
So I did.
It didn’t take me long to discover that I loved ranching. But it is lonely.
One night, Toyz invited me over to his ranch for one of his famous barbeques.
While we were having beers afterwards, I broached my concern. “Toyz, ranching is fun, but don’t you ever get lonely?” I asked. "Aren’t there any women around?"
"You won’t find any women in these parts, I'm afraid.” Toyz said, shaking his head. “Not for miles and miles..."
"So, what do you do for…ummm…companionship?"
Toyz nodded in understanding. "Well, when the urge overwhelms me, I just grab me a sheep and give it a good shagging! No shame in that -- we all do it."
I was shocked! I could never do that, no matter how horny I got – but of course, I didn’t say that to my host.
But a month later, I was out in the sheep pasture, feeling so randy that I couldn't take it any more. So, I grabbed a sheep, got down on my knees and starting humping it.
Suddenly, I heard a roar of laughter behind me.
I spun my head around and see old Toyz. He’d cut across the field and snuck up on me -- pointing, laughing and slapping his knee. I’d been punk’d!
"Hey! -- you said that everyone around here fucks sheep!" I yelled, struggling to my feet and pulling up my pants.
"Yeah…" replied Toyz. "…but not the ugly ones!"