Is This The Greatest Obituary Ever Published In The History Of Death?
Reports of Michael Blanchard's death may not have been exaggerated, but his obit might be a tad over the top.
Blanchard — better known as "Flathead" — was born in July 1944 to unassuming Coloradan couple Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A lifetime later, Blanchard passed away leaving behind a son, an ex-wife, a brother, two sets of uncles and aunts, an untold number of cousins and nephews, a cat named Chopper, and by far the most badass obituary you will read today.
From Thursday's Denver Post:Though Blanchard died nearly a year ago from colon cancer, his family waited until now to hold a memorial and publish his obit, most of which he wrote himself.
Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died...
Mike was preceded in death by Clyde and Ethel Blanchard, survived by his beloved sons Mike and Chopper, former wife Jane Transue, brother Stephen Blanchard (Susan), Uncle Don and Aunt Cynthia Blanchard(his favorite); Uncle Dill and Aunt Dot, cousins and nephews, Baba Yaga can kiss his butt. So many of his childhood friends that weren’t killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats...
...He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend. Blanchard was 67. Rest in peace, Flathead.