Alright, how's everybody? Good! Good! Good!
Now, as you may know, my name is Boardman, and I am a Motivational Speaker!
Now, let's get started by me giving you a little bit of a scenario of what my life is all about! First off, I am 8 years old.. I am a Sugar Daddy.. and I live in a van down by the river!
Now, you fucktards are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get me the sweetest sugar baby in the world, and wrap her up and put the little bitch in my pocket!!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to Jack....Flash!!" You're gonna end up reading a steady diet of the Jack Flash Experience, you’re gonna continue buying overpriced pussy and your gonna be living in a van down by the river! Now, young men, what do you want to do with your lives?
A young man in the audience says he wants to be like Rogerdodger.
We-e-e-elll.. la-de-freakin'-da! We've got ourselves a web surfer here!
Hey, I can't see real good.. [ lifts his glasses off and on his face ] ..is that II2 over there?
Now, I wonder.. Mr dodger, from what I've heard, you're using your cards not for handing out to sugar babies, but for rolling doobies!! You're gonna be doing a lot of doobie-rolling by yourself....... in a van down by the river!
This 50 something looking gentleman says he wants to be like Capt. Jack
Har, har, har!
Well, you'll have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river when you're....
...living in a van down by the river!
I know why you are really here. You think you’re gonna be Like NaN?
You are already living in a van down by the river aren’t you .
Now, you wannabes are probably asking yourself, "Hey, Boardman, how can we get back on the right track?!" Well, as I see it, there is only one solution! And this ain’t gonna happen overnight. First you gotta be willing to learn the tricks of the trade.
You gotta learn to make good decisions. You gotta get that modtard pimp non-sense out of your head.
Forget the bull shit that you’ve heard from TG, dh, wayward(RIP) and WTF. They pay for their pussy just like you do now.
So let me tell you what you’re gonna do if you want to be like NaN.
Don’t be dumb like CK or BP.
Use your big head first. Be smart like JaD, SKF and Ender. Keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open for a while, learn from the best not some silly website. Then get mean, I mean really nasty like chicagoboy and wakeup. Let the bitches know you don’t take any shit.
Then, when you’re ready, you’re gonna take what you learned and run your game. Sure, you’re gonna get your face slapped, you’re gonna get your balls busted but let me tell you something, it’s gonna work and you’re gonna get those girls to bunk with you, buddy! In your van…down at Academy.
That’s right, we’re all moving to Academy, I’m gonna teach you how to be like NaN. We're gonna be buddies! We're gonna be pals! Ol' Boardman’s gonna be your shadow!
Here's Boardman, here's you! There's Boardman, there's you! Me and my buddies! My pals! My amigos!
Now lets get out there and convince those girls, and ourselves, we aren't buying their pussy we're buying their friendship!
