A question/poll for the unhappily married hobbyists

For those of us on FB, we all have at least one friend - you know the one - who is always posting about how great her marriage is. I rolled my eyes every time before I got into the hobby, and now I roll my eyes *and* laugh, because if I had to wager a guess, I'd say her husband probably hobbies (or wishes he could). Well, she posted the other day again, some meme about cheating, and I had to weigh in (well, I didn't have to, but I honestly couldn't resist, especially when the person posting is also a holier-than-thou type). I said that if a wife isn't having sex with her husband, it's not a question of if he'll cheat, it's just a matter of when. Oh, then the fireworks started. "There's no excuse for cheating!" LOL. There are all sorts of excuses for cheating - like you're not fucking him enough but he can't afford to get divorced, doesn't want to break up his family, etc, but he's still a man with sexual needs. "Why does everything have to be about sex?!" For the record, that line was posted by one of her friends, and my instant thought was, "That chick isn't giving it up."

With that in mind, I'd like to do a little research and ask the poll question: how long were you married and not getting enough (if at all) before you found the hobby?

The second question: how much is enough? If your wife was banging you on the regular, how often is enough? Some guys might say once or twice a week, some might say once a month. It's a subjective question for sure, but I'm just curious.

To take it a step further, we could even say: if she's banging you all the time (or as often as you like), but you can tell that she's only doing it to check it off the to-do list (aka it's a chore to fuck you), is that enough? Or do you hobby because you want good/better IOP?

And to CLAIRE-ify, I'm only interested in hearing from the married hobbyists not getting it enough at home. Or the divorced guys who didn't get it enough and now they're divorced because of it. I'm not interested in hearing from the single guys, and I don't really care about the hobbyists who are married and getting it on the regular but just like a little strange. I just need the unhappily married hobbyists' opinions please.

It took me a while to realize that hobbying was even a thing. It was gradual for me, probably because the sex at home tapered off gradually. First it was once a week for about a year or so, then once very couple of weeks, then once a month, etc. Fast forward eleven years to when we have not had sex in over a year. She says she is menopausal and has insinuated that I'm free to do what I want. Kind of a don't ask don't tell agreement. I love her dearly, she is my best friend and I don't ever want to change that, so it is pretty liberating to be able to have ALL my needs met, just not necessarily with the same person. I mean, one person would be great, but that's just not the way it is. I've done AShley Madison and have only sporadic success there. In between those, I turn to the hobby. So, I'm not unhappily married as the title of this thread suggests, but marriage is not complete. That doesn't mean I'm not happy and it doesn't mean it needs to end. No thing, and no relationship, is perfect.

Much like Wandering, my marriage is actually quite good. We are best friends and have built up a wondering life together. My SO is menopausal and that affected her dramatically. The physical aspect is what has been most absent. Emotional and intimate connection is still very strong, as I work hard to maintain that. However, the sexual component is a natural part of being. So that is an area I have discretely and conscientiously met with providers on a semi-regular basis.

Married 30 years, sex has been on the decline for the last 10 or so. I never strayed until I started in the hobby last year. My wife will still do it if I ask but clearly has no desire of her own, which kills it for me. I spent 10 years doing everything I could think of - getting her all kinds of toys, doing extra household chores so she wouldn't be so tired, doing date nights, etc. The last straw was when she started faking, thinking I couldn't tell. So last year I decided to try the hobby. Like someone previously mentioned, I didn't even know it was a thing until then. I can honestly say if my wife had been even a little bit interested in the last couple of years, I wouldn't be here now. However, the hobby has changed me. As I said in another similar thread, I now no longer want what I once so desperately sought. Maybe that's for the best.

How many married hobbyists only hobby because the wife refuses to blow them? Blow jobs are exquisite pleasure of their own and the only reason I hobby. And yes I go down on her regularly and judging by her love of that, I must be doing it well. But what is good for the goose should be good for the gander and since its not, thus my reason for hobbying.

How many married hobbyists only hobby because the wife refuses to blow them? Blow jobs are exquisite pleasure of their own and the only reason I hobby. And yes I go down on her regularly and judging by her love of that, I must be doing it well. But what is good for the goose should be good for the gander and since its not, thus my reason for hobbying. Originally Posted by mcangus53

I was married over 15 years before my wife would perform oral, though I did for her very often. Even then, it took another 5 years or so for her get any good at it and, eventually, even enjoy it some. But, still no CIM, and we've been married over 35 years. That's why I eventually strayed, I just had to experience that, and I'm so glad I did.

We love each other and have sex on occasion, 4 or 5 times a month, but she won't get adventurous enough for me. At my age it takes a bit more to get my motor revved up and I want to experience more than she is willing to do, so I hobby a couple of times a month to fulfil those urges.

During the marriage the man will ask for or mention greek,COB,3sum,strip club,lifestyle,etc.. and the wife will say NOoooo and then ask you do you want to do that and you say NOoooo honey to save face. After you get caught cheating she gets mad because she knows she's not taking care of busines BCD. The husband does bear some responablity for marrying a girl that he knows can't fufill his needs when you need her to be more then just mother of your children.

I have been married for 24 years I'll never forget the words of advice my father gave me when I told him about my plans to get married. Remember my father was the ultimate monger, he was a monger before there were mongers with his 4 marriages and divorces and his numerous girlfriends/SB. He told me that at the beginning of your marriage you won't be watching training videos(Porn)together but you will want to do those things in the videos so make sure you marry a girl that will eventually be willing to participate. You need her to be more then just the mother of your children or you'll be going down my road of not spending quality time with your mate, heartbreak and costly divorces.

Divorce means she would take half. Which in turn means you will no longer have the $$$ for your SB, GF, provider, etc. Ever heard of the saying, "It's cheaper to keep her!"

How many married hobbyists only hobby because the wife refuses to blow them? Blow jobs are exquisite pleasure of their own and the only reason I hobby. And yes I go down on her regularly and judging by her love of that, I must be doing it well. But what is good for the goose should be good for the gander and since its not, thus my reason for hobbying. Originally Posted by mcangus53

+1!

It's all about the blow jobs.
Some times you just want a break
.

Sex for me died on the honeymoon, 20 years ago. We "saved ourselves" for marriage, only to find out how sexually incompatible we were. I thought it was an initial hiccup, but that week turned into weeks, then months and so on. Finally we worked through it and were able to have a minimal sexual relationship but only through the child-bearing years. Once she got pregnant for the last time, it died. Altogether. There was one spark about five years ago where... God knows what happened... she came alive and for a solid week, we did it twice a night. I was overjoyed... till it suddenly stopped and has never sparked up again. Maybe she was giving it the final college try.

So the hobby is my way through... so that I'm not completely bitter. I don't want to be bitter, and this is how I cope. The marriage is great in all areas but that. Best friend. Same interests. Shared philosophy. Shared intelligence. Shared goals.

I've cut back on the hobby because too many girls have that "go through the motions" attitude. And I'm particularly sensitive to any "when are you going to be done" vibe. I've experienced that too much in my marriage, and it's a trigger point for me.

To finally answer your question, if we had shared, meaningful sex once a month, you'd never see me again!

My wife had an operation that stopped her desire to have sex.

After a couple of years of beating my dick I got a hooker.
It was ok but I needed something else

Got into the sugar baby thing and it has been great.
The wife knows I play and she has no issue with it.

It has been years since we had sex but I get it from someplace else and my wife and I have been together for 26 years next month.

My wife has met my girl and other girls before her.
We won’t throw away a relationship over sex or the inability of having it

Thanks guys for all of the inciteful answers! Y'all are awesome

What do you call a marriage that is sexually and emotionally fulfilling?...... a fantasy!
LoL
:-)

Since she went through menopause, my wife has been unable to have comfortable vaginal sex. It's extremely painful for her. I understand that. But she's also lost interest in other avenues of sexual fulfillment. Anal is way off her radar, and for me, an extremely occasional BJ, while good, just isn't enough. I very much miss the comfort of a warm, wet vagina. We are best of friends otherwise, and I'd never want to hurt her, but I have needs and I'm not dead yet.

I have needs and I'm not dead yet. Originally Posted by SlowHand50

Exactly!