twas the night before jimmie jesus birthday...an ol jimmie craps most cherished ...piece
...when all through the shithouse
...not a jimmie was stirring except ol mary forcing an oriental to comply
...the rubbers were hung by the crapper with care
...in hopes plastic man soon would be there
...the jimmies were snuggled all warm in their beds
...while visions of pt riddled snatch danced in their heads
...when out in the alley there arose such a clatter
...the jimmies sprang from their beds to see what the fuck was the matter
...away to the window they flew like a flash
...the moon on the tits of the new fallen snow
...made shit look like it was daytime below
...when what to jimmie eyes should appear
...but mouncers bimmer with eight tiny hos
...the jimmies knew in a moment it must be jolly plastic man!
...and he whistled and shouted and called them hos by name
...now sab now chloe now trisha and lee
...climb onto frankie onto deedee onto aj and big ol lexxxy
...now lick away lick away lick away all
...then the jimmies did hear on the roof
...the pissing and moaning of each little funnel
...down the shitters chimney plastic man came with a bound
...he was dressed all in pimp fur from his head to his foot
...a bundle of looted junk from ferguson was flung on his back
...he said fuck you all then went straight to his work
...there were gifts for the jimmies and given with love
...a treadmill for fat paulie
...a new walker for buffalo mummy
...a bottle of schnapps for jimmy cap the ol rummy
...boney got shells for his 45 acp
...jj a bucket of kfc
...and a retards crash helmet for osd
...for brave rodeo burger a medal that read
..."thanks fer yer service while layin in bed"
...then a book for greenpeace on how to wish people dead
... there was a fresh bag of dingle berries for goat
...and for dovlin a signed photo of obama that said "hi doof i done fucked yo mama"
...finally the mods all got coal to shove up their asses
...plastic man finished his work then turned with a jerk
...and cupping a hand around his sack up the chimney he rose
...he sprung to his sleigh and bitch slapped his hos
...away they all flew like shit through a goose
...the jimmies heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
...happy jesus to all and to all a gold dildo up the jimmie hole tonight!
Dedicated to Celso, by request....what ...love ...we have ...shared
'Twas the third day of hanukkah and the studio was full
With Jimmies to rub down and hard-ons to pull.
The far eastern ladies would giggle with glee
When Jimmie would blow they'd say, "Please now tip me."
With every new client the linens they'd change,
Until they were visited by a Jimmie most strange.
He was not a newbie, no he'd been there before;
In fact the mama-san yawned at the sight of the bore.
She wanted to slap him and tell him to leave,
But in the holiday spirit she thought, "Why not relieve
This weary old haggard man, in from the snow,
This miserable cheap haggler known as Celso."
So she swallowed her pride and showed him a room.
But then this rude ingrate asked, full of gloom,
"Surely you've someone who is prettier than you?
Please, mama-san, my balls are quite blue!
I've been texting and calling ladies all day
And have yet to find one to give me my way
For the meager pittance I offer in trade;
I feel it is due me, the disappointment life has made."
The madam by appearance took the insult in stride
But pointed to the door and said, "You get no such ride!"
At first the codger couldn't believe the ma'am and her word.
He stuttered and stammered, demeanor disturb'd.
But a new thought came upon him and with a grin
He round-housed the Madame square on the chin.
"No service," cried Celso, enraged with delight,
"There will be some bruised and battered Asians tonight!"
:mf_laughboun ce2:
