Stupid newbie question: Proper etiquette for cancelling a session

I elected to cancel a session at the last minute with a provider last week, and she is pissed.

I only have the soft-cover edition of “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior” here at home, and it doesn’t include the chapter on “Proper Etiquette in Dealing with Providers”. I guess that’s only in the hard-cover version – so, I thought that I would seek the advice of the ladies and gentlemen of the Board…

How does the “gentlemanly client” handle this situation?

• I’ve been seeing a particular provider for two months -- four sessions, each 90 to 120 minutes, $400 each time.
• On my way to the last session 3 weeks ago, she texts me to pick her up in a nearby shopping center, and she’ll ride to her North Austin incall with me. She explains she doesn’t want her new boyfriend to know she’s still hobbying. Even though having an angry boyfriend bust in on me would make a great “Newbie Boot Camp” story, I decide this will be our last session.
• A week ago, this provider texts me to ask why I haven’t come to see her lately. I text back, kidding her about her boyfriend, and she suggests (after several texts) a session at a South Austin incall (I’m a Southie) to which she has access (another provider’s apartment).
• I foolishly agree (first mistake), and a date and time are set. The day before the appointment, I confirm, and she acknowledges. Assuming the standard $400, I fail to confirm the fee (second mistake).
• On my way to the session, I text her I’m en route and receive a response saying, “Just wanted to make sure you knew that the session will be $480”. I’m surprised.
• I respond, “$480?? I thought it was $400”
• She responds that the incall will cost $60, and “since it was for my convenience”, she expects me to pay for it. This is the first mention of a cost associated with this borrowed incall, which I figured was as much about dodging her boyfriend as accommodating me. This also doesn’t explain why the fee went up $80, not $60.
• When I point that out, she replies that I really owed her $480 for our session two weeks earlier and “shorted her” $80 when I only paid $400. Funny, first I’d heard about this...
• Still en route, I text her that I only brought the usual $400, and the full contents of my wallet amount to another $54. She responds (instantaneously), “OK. I’ll take $454.”
• Something about the whole way this went down really rubbed me the wrong way, so I text her that “I’m not feeling it today”, cancel the session and suggest she go back north. I tell her that I will drop off $160 at her north incall ($100 for her time spent driving and $60 for the south incall) in the next day or two.
• My phone then blows up with a long, long series of angry texts – she wasted her afternoon, she hired a babysitter, she has to drive back in traffic, yada yada yada.
• Brought to tears by her awful hardship, I offer to drop off $200 ($140 for her time and $60 for the south incall), instead of $160.
• Two days later, I drop off the promised $200 – and receive a text saying that it should have been the full $400, plus the $80 she was previously shorted. Furthermore, I can eat shit and die.

Given how things unfolded, I feel like I handled this situation in a gentlemanly and, IMHO, generous fashion. I suspect my fellow mongers will tell me I’m a sucker.

Even though I feel I handled it fairly, I am troubled by how angry this young lady is with me.

How should I have handled this differently?

• Gentlemen, what do you do when you receive a “surprise” when en route to, or just arrived at, a session?
• Ladies, if a client elects to cancel on you at the last minute due to some perceived slight, how do you reasonably expect to be treated?

How should I have handled this? Originally Posted by The Allnighter

Uhh....you guys really do go for the bat shit crazy ones. There's no professional way to deal with such an unprofessional girl. She saw that you were a nice guy and got extra cash out of you. She got pissed because she realized you started catching on.

Wow, that's pretty rude of her, IMO. I think that your suggesting to pay the cancellation fee plus more for her convenience was more than polite. She possibly could have just been in a tight $ situation and had other personal issues going on fueling her curtness.. but I don't think that's ever an excuse to treat respectful, paying clients however you want. Things happen, sometimes people can't/don't come through and that's okay-work something else out. You sound like an empathetic guy, some "providers" can prey on this and try to just milk you. i.e.: character defects. I think you did what you could plus a little more. Sorry about this situation.

*whew* barely even want to get my hands dirty here but...here goes.
I think you did right. The last minute cancellation no..but the still trying to make it right part with no session ever occurring, you not knowing why you owed the 80 from last time and then the 60 (she conviently makes 80) that you were never told about for this time....you did the best you could. I know if I forget to tell a gent about a certain incall charge or what not I very timidly mention it and if he doesnt have it on him thats MY bad business or forgetfullness rather that was at fault.

So...this is a sticky situation indeed. I would be mad that you cancled when we already had things set up ie. Confirmation txts and you are on the way and i am already there....but you would still get partial credit for trying to make it right.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions sir...tis my demise as well

I have to agree with what's been said already. She shouldn't have changed the rate at the last minute, when you were on your way. If you had not paid her proper rate the previous visit, she should have told you at that time, not at an appointment that she initiated contact for. Since she initiated contact and wanted the appointment, she should have covered the room, not you.
I think you showed alot of respect in paying a cancellation fee, there are many guys that don't even offer one.

Hobbying should never be this complicated. I get canceled on all the time last minute and just move on, yes my whole day was waisted and so on but that's just the way it is.......theses days.

OP, you went way beyond what most would have done. Just shows that nice guys always get stepped on. Take this expieriance and better your hobby. You don't have to be a jerk to be a nice guy, just keep it simple. Your situation was one I would never find myself in, but I totally understand it, thanks for shearing.

IB

So...this is a sticky situation indeed. I would be mad that you cancled when we already had things set up ie. Confirmation txts and you are on the way and i am already there....but you would still get partial credit for trying to make it right. Originally Posted by gingerpie

They already had things set up and he was on his way. True. However, at what point do you think it's ok to walk when the provider starts upselling?

This is all my fault. If I would have paid more attention, you would have been hooked on me.
Come over!

They already had things set up and he was on his way. True. However, at what point do you think it's ok to walk when the provider starts upselling? Originally Posted by Gamer

Ahh yah i suppose that just up to the guy. as i said she forgot to mention the incall price than that is her fault. He shouldnt be faulted for her not handling her businesss correctly.
Another point is she could have had a good full pice session had she just dropped the issue instead of becoming insistant

Jenn really hit the nail on the head though

Wonder if the other side is going to find this an chime in.

I think you were more than fair. It doesn't seem to have been your fault that things got weird.

I think that it's important for all parties in an agreement to be comfortable with the agreement. and a last minute rate increase would make me uncomfortable, especially with the "oh, and you owe me more for last time too" kicker.

I've had a couple of appointments go south for various "shit happens" reasons, both my fault and theirs, and we've always been able to work it out afterward to maintain the relationship. That said, I've never had an issue where the other party was unreasonable or weird about things so I guess I've been kinda lucky.

I'd hate to leave someone mad too, but sometimes even the best you can do to fix it won't be good enough.

Dayum, is it just me??? But that is just way too complicated!!!!

Wonder if the other side is going to find this an chime in. Originally Posted by Precious_b

IB

I'm sure inquiring minds want to know who this up seller is.
That's not standard around here. However, being unreasonable and making much ado about something completely avoidable is. Obviously this lady doesn't think straight when negotiating. Her hot head got in the way of measuring which loss was greater. Sounds like a case of good old self sabotage and then blaming everyone else for her problems. We got another one for team BSC!!!

*sigh* Had you only driven east…

Jenns called it, as usual.

I think she saw a nice guy with a soft heart, generous spirit and healthy libido.
Some women appreciate and respect that in a man. Some women see that as an opportunity for exploitation.

I don't know who the provider is but, it is scary (for anyone) when a woman goes completely off her nut. A very unfeminine, low-value and ungoddess-like thing to do, imho. Couple that with a reaction that is completely out of proportion to the perceived 'slight' = " run, Forrest, run!"

It's rather sad how few providers understand the basics of business practices and how those apply to their current "career-choice". Anyone here who currently owns or who has owned a business understands how this works. Business 101

I think you were generous in how you handled it- offering the $200, is fair.

You are an intelligent man ( that is evident in the way you write), and I loathe offering advice to any man-it's like nailing Jell-O to a wall, so I will resist that tiniest urge.
You have received some excellent feedback and I am sure things will be much better by tomorrow… Or at least by tomorrow night.

A