this is an odd question

Do you men ever meet a provider and feel an over whelming sense of guilt if you are married or separated? If so how do you handle it? or do you detach yourselves?

I have been single now for years but when I was attached it was making the actual phone call that bothered me the most,by the time I got to the door it was easy enough to leave the baggage outside,I never answered the "are you married" question and always changed the subject.I didnt want to be reminded that I was doing something wrong.(and no hobbying had nothing to do with the divorce) It was a mutual decision,not a good thing anyway.Interesting question,thanks for making me stop and think for a change..lol

i have respect a man feelings and support him if he feels bad but I am not only here for sex but as a friend a true GFE...to me being someone you can talk to and vent to is part of the gfe...perhaps my thinking is wrong..

I have been single now for years but when I was attached it was making the actual phone call that bothered me the most,by the time I got to the door it was easy enough to leave the baggage outside,I never answered the "are you married" question and always changed the subject.I didn't want to be reminded that I was doing something wrong.(and no hobbying had nothing to do with the divorce) It was a mutual decision,not a good thing anyway.Interesting question,thanks for making me stop and think for a change..lol Originally Posted by jfarmer

No, I have never felt guilty since I started this because I know that when the session is over... that's it. No phone calls the next day to say I love you or whatever. Also since I'm having protected sex, I don't feel as if I'm cheating.

I do not feel guilty about being in the hobby. Sometimes when money gets tight I feel like should not have spent money on myself and paid a bill or two instead. If meeting a Woman for the first time I am nervous about that and not about what will happen after I leave.

i have respect a man feelings and support him if he feels bad but I am not only here for sex but as a friend a true GFE...to me being someone you can talk to and vent to is part of the gfe...perhaps my thinking is wrong.. Originally Posted by Irish Vixen

Irish, I know you enjoy the whole GFE/BFE aspect of the hobby; however, there is a line where both provider and client must not cross. This is especially true when SOs are involved for both parties. I appreciate the fact you are willing to listen and all that, but for me personally, I'd never confide with a provider in terms of personal matters. Sure, I don't mind the typical BS talk about general things-- crappy government, sports, TV shows-- but nothing personal. When I want a GFE session, the GFE for me is strictly activity related. I'd just assume to leave out the personal drama.

As to the original question, yeah I feel guilty--sometimes to the point of not being able to perform as I'd like. I've almost gotten to the point of quitting.

I don't have an SO but..... I like the sessions where we don't discuss the wife problems or the kids problems. Not to be mean but I am not a shrink. I am just a gurl who loves to have fun and want those around me to have fun as well. Life is already depressing and I feel that men come to see me not to talk of their personal issues but of the moment. I know that when the door closes and they have left I might have a satisfied smile of content of what a great time we just had but I am happy I don't have to call or email or text to them constantly and that it was another moment in my life I can chalk up to another great time. I want our time to be that "our time". A time we both enjoy and can forget about all the stress of life even if it is only for the time of our appt. But I have been told by guys that it leaves them with a glow or a smile for hours afterwards LOL

I see your point,however,if the gentlemen wants to talk or vent than I am not going to be rude and tell him I am not willing to listen. I try and keep it light and fun..and as far as crossing "that line" I never let true emotional feelings come into it..I have one gentlemen who wanted to marry me and I said "no you have fallen for the illusion"

Irish, I know you enjoy the whole GFE/BFE aspect of the hobby; however, there is a line where both provider and client must not cross. This is especially true when SOs are involved for both parties. I appreciate the fact you are willing to listen and all that, but for me personally, I'd never confide with a provider in terms of personal matters. Sure, I don't mind the typical BS talk about general things-- crappy government, sports, TV shows-- but nothing personal. When I want a GFE session, the GFE for me is strictly activity related. I'd just assume to leave out the personal drama.

As to the original question, yeah I feel guilty--sometimes to the point of not being able to perform as I'd like. I've almost gotten to the point of quitting. Originally Posted by Cpalmson

I am able to totally detach from my civilian life and responsibilities and focus on the encounter. You have to be able to compartmentalize your life.

If I was married or if I had an SO then I wouldn't hobby. But that's just me and how I feel. Now if she wanted to participate in the hobby and wanted me with her....well.....insn't that every guy's fantasy lol.

i have respect a man feelings and support him if he feels bad but I am not only here for sex but as a friend a true GFE...to me being someone you can talk to and vent to is part of the gfe...perhaps my thinking is wrong.. Originally Posted by Irish Vixen

I realize that some gentlemen will limit their involvement emotionally to a very thin and finite line, not reveal any of their personal lives at all, but that hasn't been many in my experience. It IS part of the GFE for gentlemen to talk, vent, share their hope and fantasies, establish that closer connection even if only for a brief time, and just having someone listen sympathetically and not judge (not tell them how stupid they're being and to get up and go to work, like a spouse might) is often very satisfying to them along WITH the tactile sensations. Each fellow is different in his expectations, so I try to ease in and go with the flow until I see how deep he wants to swim and what boundaries he sets.

I do see the guilt some gentlemen feel, especially those new to the hobby, but it's usually quickly rationalized away when the realization hits that this is not a relationship that will tear their world apart, but I neither encourage or discourage their acceptance as that is totally up to them.

However, I did have a fellow go off the deep end once, jump up right after we "knew each other in the Biblical way," call me the "Whore of Babylon" and scream at me for "making" him commit adultery, and pull me down to my knees - to pray for forgiveness with him. (God knows I'm usually down there to GIVE a man a reason to take the Lord's name in vain, along with mine.) I thought he was one step away from making me flog him in penance. Showed him the little leather cat-o-nine-tails I have (really just as a prop for effect), and he grabbed his clothes and got out of there before I gave him a flashback to the Catholic school nun program of discipline. At least he left his donation to my charitable works.

He later called me and told me I should "repent" and ask for God's mercy, that what would a woman like me do if I met Jesus? Guess he never considered Mary Magdalene's reputation.

Prior to finding my way into the "Hobby", an occasional "affair" would fill (sort of) the sexual gap, (needs, wants, etc) but those affairs certainly created many feelings of guilt for me! BIG BIG difference (for me anyway) between having an affair and seeing/visiting a lady on the provider side of the hobby! I feel that the more I let my emotions get involved, the greater the "guilt" factor kicks in!! Since I found my way into the "hobby" arena, I've really not had any of those "guilt" feelings that I had when I became emotionally involved with someone on the "civvie" side!

I kind of understand where your coming from though I.V. and when you come up this way we can discuss it (maybe )!!!

I realize that some gentlemen will limit their involvement emotionally to a very thin and finite line, not reveal any of their personal lives at all, but that hasn't been many in my experience. It IS part of the GFE for gentlemen to talk, vent, share their hope and fantasies, establish that closer connection even if only for a brief time, and just having someone listen sympathetically and not judge (not tell them how stupid they're being and to get up and go to work, like a spouse might) is often very satisfying to them along WITH the tactile sensations. Each fellow is different in his expectations, so I try to ease in and go with the flow until I see how deep he wants to swim and what boundaries he sets. Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

I've been pondering this subject since I first read the OP.

I don't feel guilt, I guess for a number of reasons, I think mostly as hugbuddy said, it's not an emotional connection. Also, I think unlike Fancy's experience, I do not tend to see the same provider more than once, so there's little chance to build up a "relationship" over time.

Mostly, I try to limit conversations to very neutral subjects. Personally, I enjoy politics, history, art & religion, but not in a session with a provider I'll see only once. Safe is best. The best session I ever had, we were on the subject of sports (mostly football). My knowledge of sports is pretty thin, and hers was pretty deep. She must have been laughing inside all the time. It was, however, a great session.

And, I don't tend to "unload" during a session, probably b/c I don't know her at all.

The last time I felt a little guilt is when a lady friend and I discovered that we communicated so basically that we could almost complete each other's sentences. Did we have sex? No. But I did confide in her to the extent that I felt guilt.

Betrayal is not sex. It is more.

now the the reason i asked this question was I was seeing a new person from this site and he all of of a sudden said he had to go he feel overwhelmed with guilt and missed his wife. I had already known they had issues. I have never had that happen and was just curious. He has only seen one other provider. That is the reasoning behind my question. Completely caught me off guard

If he was feeling guilt then he did the right thing by stopping. I never felt that way. I was married for 27 years and never once strayed. Since my divorce I went thru a real man whore phase. Now I am off the hobby market. I guess I got it out of my system for awhile at least.