How important is appearance when selecting a Mistriss/DOM?

I enjoy a decently varied type of women, but my criteria is stricter when I am in the mood for role play, D/S, etc. due to it being more mental for me than physical. So, How important is appearance when selecting a Mistriss/DOM? My type is similar to Mistress Tracy http://www.eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=74299

To me, appearance is a secondary consideration. It is important, but there are other factors that overshadow that.

How competent is she at her skillset? Does she understand the psychology of BDSM and D/s interactions? Is she comfortable in herself and her ability to interact in a D/s situation? Can she carry herself with confidence?
Does her playspace support the activities she is competent in and I am looking for? Does she continue to grow as a Domme, seeking out new knowledge and ensuring her skills are up to date? How does her personality interact with mine? (They have to have a sense of humor while still being able to be in control - cause I'm a snarky little SAM with attitude issues and you have to be able to handle that.) Ultimately, it is the intangible connection that is hard to pin down - if it is there, if she is someone who I can give my trust to, then I'll make my move.

If everything else was equal, I would choose someone who I consider more attractive first, however there is usually something more important to me to consider before I get down to pure looks. Overall, appearance is maybe 10-15% of what I look for in a Domme. I'm sure other people have other criteria, and if it works for them, then it works for them. This is what works for me.

I enjoy a decently varied type of women, but my criteria is stricter when I am in the mood for role play, D/S, etc. due to it being more mental for me than physical. So, How important is appearance when selecting a Mistriss/DOM? My type is similar to Mistress Tracy http://www.eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=74299 Originally Posted by shortblkguy

Obviously you are going to be interested in looks first... but badbottom brings up some very valid points.

The chemistry you have with the domme is ultimately going to be the biggest determinant of whether or not your time spent with her was worth the cost.

Don't be afraid to find out ahead of time if they are compatible with you, and your interests. If they won't give you a reasonable amount of time to answer your questions, move on. There are many out there that will (but be respectful of their time as well - i.e. don't be a dick).

Sometimes it's hard (pardon the pun!) to not be distracted by pretty pictures or dommely-domme poses of a woman in a corset and boots. So unless you are paying for them to model for you, the pictures are nice to look at, but ultimately just there for the kicks.

I agree with you both, substance over style.

I also watch for age of provider... I do not play with folks under 35 as a general rule... the more mature the provider the better...

I also watch for age of provider... I do not play with folks under 35 as a general rule... the more mature the provider the better... Originally Posted by houston_switch

I enjoy having a younger provider strap one one for the first time and helping her learn her way around. It is really fun when they realize they can have an orgasm doing such naughty deeds.

Any young ones out there who want to try, email me

As in all things of this nature, attractiveness has to be an important deciding factor. Each guy has idea of what is attractive, so it will vary from individual to individual. I'm also going to assume when talking about attractiveness, we are talking about looks. Defining attractiveness can be esoteric, but I'm going to limit it to looks for this discussion.

Granted having a mistress/dom is playing in a different park than a "normal" encounter, but still, the "mistress" should be attractive in the eye of the man. Having said that, this is a specific type of encounter which requires the lady to have "special" skills for this type of fetish. A lady's performance, style and abilities have to weigh into the equation, but a guy should be able to have his cake and eat it to For me, I'd be willing to go with a 7-8 in the looks department if I knew the mistress/dom experience would be outstanding. Normally, I try to see providers whose looks would for me be 8-9-10. So, it would be not that big of a difference in my book, but still a "sacrifice" I'd be willing to make. Granted, I'd still be looking for that 9 or 10 in the looks department for a potential mistress/dom, but only if she is really good at the fetish.

As for age, it is a factor. An older mistress/dom would have more experience in the game than a younger one. If I were to seek a mistress/dom, the starting age would have to be 30 with a preferred target of 35-40. I think for a guy wanting this type of session, he'd want to have it with an experienced mistress/dom. I know some enjoy "teaching" a less experienced (younger) mistress/dom, but I think a guy is probably not the best "mentor"/teacher for this fetish. I think a younger girl wanting to be a mistress or dom should learn from a more experienced lady. BTW, I'd be willing to be the guinea pig for that experience

Just Make sure she has the Thigh high shiny boots!

I'd like to touch upon the age issue. For me, age is not set in stone, but experience is. While I enjoy playing at all levels, I definitely prefer to push boundaries and play on the harder edge. For that, you need someone with experience and training.

For example - how not to wrap a cane or whip and why, avoiding the kidneys/spinal area with certain types of toys. Where you can whallop and where you need to back it down. There are 25 year old women I know who I trust to take me to the edge - they have 5 years of dedicated experience, mentoring under what I consider to be world-class Dommes and spending the time with workshops, etc.
There are other providers here who I have seen in their 30's and 40's who it is obvious they picked up a whip because they were tired of BBBJ.
There are also providers who I consider a 8-9 in the looks department, an 8-9 in the skills department, but who I would NEVER play with because of their attitude and other things about them. (Being involved in the Dallas BDSM scene even peripherally makes a huge difference)

If you have been around the block, you can quickly discern whether someone is "for real" or not simply by the way they answer certain questions. If they promote rope bondage, the question "Do you have safety scissors" is a big one - if the answer is "no" or "what are they" I run away. Heck I think ALL providers should have a pair as you never know when something may go awry and need to get removed quickly, (think panties in a wad around the jewels) and having them handy can safe a trip to the hospital. I keep a set in my car and two in my house, plus one in the travelling toy bag.

Also, what kind and quality of gear? If they picked up their one crop from Condom Sense, from the half off bin after Halloween, it demonstrates inexperience or a lack of enthusiasm about the project. Yes it can be fun to "train" a beginner, but I have gotten a bruised kidney and exacerbated a broken tailbone from amateurs - won't go down that route again. Also, proper cleaning/sterilization of toys. If someone is using a cane, you can quite easily pass all sorts of nasties including the three H's if it is not sterilized properly (and most people don't know how) ESPECIALLY untreated canes. I have a set that I purchased that has 10 layers of marine lacquer/varnish on them and they are a breeze to clean. Delrin is easy to clean as well, however it HURTS LIKE A MOFO. It is those secondary skills that you won't see in a scene that can make the difference between a scene you enjoy at the time and in memory for years to come, and a scene you enjoy at the time and regret for years to come.

To summarize- age CAN be a factor, experience SHOULD ALWAYS BE a major factor. And make sure they are real about it - there is a bp ad somewhere in Texas (NOT dallas) where the "Domme" says she is "34 and has been a Domme for 20 years" in the same breath. Umm, yeah right. VERIFY VERIFY VERIFY - it's not just for providers.

(PM for a clue in the right direction if you'd like a chuckle, I'm not going to out someone in a public forum, nor will I provide direct links. But the smart ones can find it in a matter of minutes)

Badbottom i agree with your post... glad to see the "age" issue get some play here... i think it is important for ME whatever type of play I do... I just cant play with someone who could be my daughter's age....

It's not so much appearance as how comfortable you are with them. When I first saw Ms. Athena's profile I was intimidated and scared of her. But after pm's I received from her and talking to guys that have seen her, I have formed a trust with her though I've never met her. I'm both mentally and extremely physically attracted to her. This will make it all more intimate when I do get to see her. IMHO

Cum here NG, I will gentle until you tell me HARDER HARDER!!! Then game on sugar.......lol Anyway I cant wait to meet you as well..............

From my newbie perspective. I first did not look at any showcases, pictures etc. I want there to be a mental connection first. (95%) Does the physical appearance have an impact? Hell Yes..but if I am into the Mistress mentally and she has begun to take me to Sub Space..I am hers to command. Looks only intensifies the Lust portion. Being a Sub is about so much more than just sex. I can have a total orgasm just in subspace never obtaining an erection etc. It is a total mind fuck if I can call it that.

I am so new to this that I have only had one experience. It was awesome and I cannot believe I actually had tears run down my face ( I am a man for God's sake, but with a mistress I am not a man, I am whatever she wants me to be, feel, etc.). They were not tears of pain but tears of elation as I finally have found an existence that totally accepts me for who and what I am, without judgement. This was when I entered Sub Space.

I have never felt such peace and I cannot imagine how I have existed in life thus far not having experienced.

I wish I could put it into words but I have yet to conjur the creativity required as I simply will say, Peace, relaxation, not caring what happens to me as I know in my mistresses hands I will be safe as she is my lord and protector. SAFE

The above is just my personal preference and experience. Limited but it is mine.

So many of us continue to look for fulfilment, you already experienced it...
Well done!

So many of us continue to look for fulfilment, you already experienced it...
Well done! Originally Posted by houston_switch

HS Sir-

Mistress said I have only begun my journey. I must continue on my path of servitude to know the peace I seek. Because she was the person that found me, took me in and made me understand I will forever be in her debt. My heart moves forward caressing the words she whispered in my ear when breaking my will. Our souls forever intertwined.

Thank you for your kind words.