negotiated infidelity

story at CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/03...ity/index.html
this makes sense to me. But I doubt many couples would be able to do this.

I recently proposed just such an arrangement to my s/o. To put it mildly, it was not openly received.

I may be in that situation. The deal is no sex at home until I 'fess up to what I've been doing. She knows I've been "out" because I've said enough and came stumbling in at 8am on two occasions. Asking her to consider swinging was also a very big clue. That conversation opened a few doors into what I'm thinking about the role of sex in a vastly long-term relationship.

In every other way, the relationship is very loving as though nothing was wrong in the slightest.

Since she hit menopause, intercourse usually hurts her. Maybe after nearly 30 years we have an unspoken negotiation?

Negotiation leads to compromise, and this won't work for everybody, but perhaps for some of us it's best to skip the negotiating. "Don't ask, don't tell" is a compromise that comes to mind.