I feel your pain -- I had a heck of a time getting my foot in the door when I started. Hang in there; it may take a while, but it does get easier.
You can join P411 if you have a review OR if you have a client already on P411 who will vouch for you. Also, according to the P411 site, in rare circumstances another provider can vouch for you. In the meantime, you can screen the old fashioned ways -- through references or personally verifying his employment info. Since you aren't very established, you may have some difficulty getting his references to reply to you. One way to help avoid this is to have him contact them beforehand to let them know you'll be asking for a reference. It probably won't always do the trick, but it should help some.
There are ladies-only forums here on ECCIE as well as most other sites. However, the same conundrum exists -- you have to be an established provider to be granted admission. Additionally, as soon as you can, request access to "bad client" sites such as providerbuzz.com and dangerzone411.com.
Free ads in as many places as you can find will be your best friend right now; get your name out there. Continue posting on the boards too. The more history and presence you have, the more you look like a real, live provider. It will also allow people to get a feel for your personality, which is vital when you have no reviews and an incomplete website. Most gentlemen won't give ads from ladies without good/clear photos a second glance, and I can't really say I blame them.
Not showing your face or distinctive marks (tattoos, birthmarks, fifth nipples, etc.) will help preserve your privacy, as well as taking photos in a location you don't frequent and in clothing you don't wear outside of your dates. But you never know who is going to be seeing your photos once they're online. Like the rest of what you do in this business, that risk vs. reward evaluation is up to you.
As far as fear of the unknown going away, it never does, and nor should it. Getting too comfortable or lax is dangerous; caution and guardedness is a good thing.
Also, this is an incredible resource:
http://www.myhoneysuckle.com and
http://www.myhoneysuckle.com/escort-marketing-tips/