You might JUST BE a dumb monger if ...

#1 Your doggy position partner says she prefers to look into your eyes during orgasm so you hand her a night stand photo of yourself. A friend told me this actually happened to her.

#2 You start a "BBFS offered" alert thread thinking it won't backfire.

#3 ...

#3 If you think the PMS does exist and the CBC does not

#4 ...

#4 You WK a provider actually expecting that you will get something in return.

#5...

#5 You rush to book that appointment before it's too late, amazed that Jeniffer Lopez and Scarlett Johansson are advertising doubles on Backpage...again...in five cities at once!

#6...

#6 You believe her when your habitual NSNC tells you that her phone or Grandmother has died yet again.

#7 You believe posting a public plea in Coed will result in the affection, attention and desired response you seek from a provider who has clearly been avoiding you privately.

#8 ...

#8 You rush to see that provider before she "retires", again.

#9 ...

#9 - You rush to see a provider because she says it's her last day!!!!

#10

#10. You place new $100 bills on a table for the donation. The provider asks you to prove they are real because she's been burned with fake $$ in the past. You are forced to do your best Henry Paulson impersonation.


#11

#11 You think you are just not an ATM to her/them

#12

#12: You ask where you can send flowers for her dead granmama.

#13: You prepay for her breast enlargement procedure, in exchange for X number of sessions she promises to deliver after her boob job.

#14 ...

14). You believe her when she says "that's my Mom" to the constant buzzing of her cell phone during your session.

15 - She tells you she was feeling sexually deprived until you pleased her and made her orgasm and you believe her!!!!

16....

#16. You meet a provider and realize she can barely put a sentence together with multisyllabic words. "Her" text communication prior to the session led you to believe she was somewhat intelligent and not ghetto. So you start to think "dayum, I probably sent texts to her pimp". Then you try to identify her based on pics from the ad. "i don't see a rose tattoo on her right leg. Where's the star tattoo on her wrist?" You think bait and switch BUT still go through with it because she gives you a discount for putting her sister's pics on the ad.

#17 ...

17). You notice the pungent scent of percolating semen and mention it and BELIEVE it when she says "oh baby I don't BB with anyone"

(((But then she admits it was BONN...James Bonn)))