In the spirit of the season:
This year I have completely bought into the philosophy of a green economy with renewable energy resources, and I have rejected the culture of commercial consumerism. Instead of giving everyone tangible gifts of cheap consumer products produced with slave labor in China, I have invested my entire gift budget for Christmas, Chanukah and Cuanza in improving the lives of the indigenous peoples of the third world.
A generous contribution has been made—in your name—to buy a 75 foot tall old-growth Rosewood tree which a local company has agreed (pro-bono) to harvest and turn into charcoal briquettes that will be donated to the local people for cooking during this holiday season.
In their name, I thank you.