Vulnerability

I know emmotional attachments has been discussed and dissected before here, and that the general concensus is to stay the hell away from emmotional attachments in the Hobby.

In the Hobby world, it's about sex and not intimacy. And for the most part, all of the Ladies that I have seen have had sort of a "force field" or "wall" or something like that protecting themselves and keeping real intimacy and emotions in check. I am always amazed at how tough these girls really are. They seem to be able to handle anything or any situation.

However, what do you do when the "force field" is not in place? When for some reason there is vulnerability? I have encountered this phenomenon a couple of times so far in the Hobby. Where she lets her guard down. Where she lets you inside the "force field".

OK. I know the stock answer. Run like hell. But it's not always that simple.

Last night my Sugarbaby (petite little 100 lb girl but tough as nails) wasn't so tough. Last night there was vulnerability. The "force field" was turned off. Vulnerability. Malfunctioning "force field". Something of the sort.

So, first of all, a Sugarbaby is quite different than a Provider. I am not sure if the same set of guidelines still apply here. And maybe this was just a momentary glitch in the "force field" and all systems will be funtioning properly today. Who knows.

Ladies, what or how do you Ladies handle it when your "force field" is malfunctioning and vulnerability or emotions or whatever happens?

Guys, since this is a SB not a Provider, should I just embrace this? Go with the flow?

If she is as you say 'vulnerable' give her a breather let her regain her composure. Take a step back have a few drinks at some place that

a) has lots of eye candy ( for ass watchin' )
b) good atmosphere ( so you're comfortable )
c) good sports channels ( to keep you from drunk dialin' )

Watch a game or the Olympics and let her get in touch with you. If you don't hear from her in a day or two or three check on her see if she's cool.

Just my thoughts...

If it is not an exclusive arrangement you should never get attached emotionally.
It will come back to hurt you in the future, especially if you have been in the relationship for awhile.
Wish that is what I would have done.

I hurry and put it back up!

Talk to her, tell her you are not looking for a certain type of commitment, she is a SB right? Did you discuss rules before you two start, if so, she broke one of the rules.

Is this something you want to pursue, meaning you want something more than a SB relationship, if so go with the flow, if not talk to her ASAP. If the conversation is not going as you like. R.U.N.

Ladies, what or how do you Ladies handle it when your "force field" is malfunctioning and vulnerability or emotions or whatever happens?

Guys, since this is a SB not a Provider, should I just embrace this? Go with the flow? Originally Posted by omaha2dallas

Well, it happens and this "malfunctioning" that you mentioned generally happens when one leasts expects it. I have cried twice in front of a client. (I know. Jeez.)

The first time was when I was stuck in a torrential downpour in Houston trying to get to my hotel. I could not see in front of me, I was scared, my car was teeny tiny and new and I had missed my exit and was running late.

Although Houston is my second home, the drivers there are psychotic and don't seem to have the same apprehensions while driving in inclement weather as I do.

I called my client and asked him to stay on the phone with me. He helped me find the hotel while I drove like ten miles an hour. He was waiting for me when I got there and I was soaking wet. We walked into this beautiful suite, he was very handsome ... and I just broke down in tears and cried.

He was great. The time we had together was even better. But he was calm and just comforted me.

The second time it happened, with a client who I've seen several times, and it was a similar situation. He just offered me a glass of wine, we visited and everything was great.

I guess that what I'm suggesting is to just be thoughtful and let her get it out of her system. She is probably slightly embarrassed that she became unglued. But we're women!!!

Also, some affection goes a long way rather than rolling your eyes at her and getting pissed off that her emotional state is getting in the way of you getting some attention.

And don't you think that since she's a sb that she might just have more than a mere attachment to you? I would guess that it's likely she really likes you on some level. I would if I had some sort of sd-type of thing going.

With clients, I've become emotionally involved with them so I'm probably not the best person to offer an opinion. But generally, when it happens and sometimes it just broadsides you, I try to just talk to myself ... say it's part of the job and that we do meet interesting and very sensual people and go forward.

But since women who are escorts are just like everyone else in the sense of emotion, I'm not sure that we can completely turn it off (whatever "it" is).

I cannot. Hope this helps on some level.

Elisabeth

You didn't explain the vulnerability part though. She became vulnerable? How so? Did she express feelings for you? Or... in fact, are you the one becoming vulnerable? Are you not watching out for your own emotions and spilling everything out?

Careful now

or perhaps she was just playing the "game" a little better, just to keep you sucked in? no i am no jaded, just playing devils advocate and reminding people that even when you think its "real" it can still be fake.. i mean if a girl knew a guy would be "moved" by her "force field" being let down..what better way to ensure he stays in the web eagerly then giving the impression it was "down". just saying.. i know i know.. girls really do lean on hobbyiest from time to time..blah blah blah.. fact still remains..as long as someone is being paid to be in the presence of the other person, it can't be to "real".. don't pay, don't pay again, and see how the relationship works..

besides that.. a real professional, with her stuff in order in her personal life should never bring the baggage to a client..sugardaddy setup or not..its still a client and her personal problems don't belong in it.. so

#1 no one should see the "force field" if your good

#2 no one should ever see it "down" because the guy your with is suppose to be escaping the day to day hassles, getting away from reality and drama..and if the girl is bringing it with her, it really doesn't let the guy escape

I dont understand the idea behind keeping the force field up all the time. I mean if you ladies are seeing a guy fairly regularly, and both of you know the boundaries of the relationship, why can't you also be real friends in the moments you are together. I am not talking about falling in love, or sharing your most intimate feelings. I just mean why can;t you let your hair down and just be who you are? What is the harm in that? Seems like there would be less pressure. Pretending is such a waste of energy.

Then again, as mentioned earlier, does a gentleman every really know if the girl is being genuine or not? Sucking a guy in to earn a few more bucks could be the MO.

I just think it sucks that two people who get together can't be real with each other on some level if they get together often.

I hate to agree with DeAnn, but she could very well be playing you. If you do not think so, I would get the boundries back in place very quickly.

I have been a provider for a long time and like a DUMB ASS from time to time have let my guard down. Being real and just being yourself with someone is VERY different than letting your guard down and getting attached.

It is not smart and someone always get hurts. NO matter where the lines need to be, remember to keep them there and if need be, get another distraction.

Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. It is very easy to connect in our world with someone on a different level. Remember it is what it is and to keep things in perspective. If you need to put some space between you and the provider or SB, do it. Are you really ready for the emotional hurt it could cause you?

I did not say you could not be friends or have friends. But if it is becoming something more, RUN LIKE HELL. This is not the world you want to be looking for love and happily ever after in...

What Summer said. +1
Excellent advice.

Made some mistakes in this area myself. I'd like to think I've learned from them, but sometimes you just can't help yourself.

Whatever you decide, give yourself some time, and think it through.

I dont understand the idea behind keeping the force field up all the time. I mean if you ladies are seeing a guy fairly regularly, and both of you know the boundaries of the relationship, why can't you also be real friends in the moments you are together. I am not talking about falling in love, or sharing your most intimate feelings. I just mean why can;t you let your hair down and just be who you are? What is the harm in that? Seems like there would be less pressure. Pretending is such a waste of energy.

Then again, as mentioned earlier, does a gentleman every really know if the girl is being genuine or not? Sucking a guy in to earn a few more bucks could be the MO.

I just think it sucks that two people who get together can't be real with each other on some level if they get together often. Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Although the posters above make some good points, I can tell you that I HAVE continued in a more-than-a-friendship type of situation when his financial situation changed. Was I an idiot? Well, maybe a little bit. It was my choice, though, and I didn't care. Not much.

I believe that if an escort allows herself to be a hard hearted Hannah then that is certainly going to spill over a little bit in her own life. Shrug. Whatever works for the individual, I suppose.

But what rubble wrote above just works for me most of the time. And I've heard this expressed by others. When your'e together, you're "there" and focused on the man's attentions and needs. And usually your own as well! Sometimes the time just stands still in that moment.

It's not love but it could be. Sortof. Have a physical relationship with someone you love is a lot more intense then a shorter sexual experience or sex with a stranger. But it doesn't have to mean that there isn't affection, to some degree, at the time.

Perhaps I haven't hardened up enough but I feel that I can be pretty emotionally tough, if need be.

These are all good comments, though. I'm sure that the OP is sincerely appreciating them!!!

Warmly,
Elisabeth

I believe that if an escort allows herself to be a hard hearted Hannah then that is certainly going to spill over a little bit in her own life. Shrug. Whatever works for the individual, I suppose.
Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

I can promise I am nowhere near a hard hearted Hannah. Some would say in my real life I am probably to soft. I was just giving my personal experience from a situation that has happened to me VERY recently. I allowed my guard to come down with someone that I should have not. He and I will probably remian great friends, but somewhere along the line, I started to adore him and that was not a good thing. I was not or am not looking for him to save me. I am provider by choice and love what I do.

I have had some clients for over 9 years and have never had an issue with letting my guard down to far as I did with this certian person. I am not sorry for it, NOT ONE BIT. It did give me a reality check that I am not untouchable or unreachable like I thought I was. The experience will not harden me, but make me more aware and watch for the signs in the future.

THe funny thing is I was not looking for someone to connect with when I met this person. In fact, it was the furthest thing from my mind or agenda. Oddly enough, not sure if some of the other posters will admit this or not, but my person in question is not usually what I am attracted to either. He is not really my opposite, but he is definitely not my type. He is not ugly or hideous or maimed.


Does this mean I will become a Hard Heart Hannah in the future? Not at all. I will carry this lesson with me and keep it as a reminder of what can happen if I totally let go of control of the situation and do not try to keep some control over all of it...

I certainly wasn't referring to you, Summer. I have a lot of respect for you and your reputation proceeds you. I was making a general comment.

Actually, I wish that I would toughen up a bit. Probably would make me a better escort overall. Who knows? And it's very tough to have those gray areas that happen in our business, isn't it? Jeez. It happens more than many realize.

I was just giving my perspective to the question asked, that's all.

Take care!!!

Elisabeth

EW, I know your comment was not directly meant at me. I was just sharing my own personal experience to show that even I am not 100% bulletproof.

We are all human and crave to be wanted,desired and understood. Sometimes we find it when we are least looking for it and sometimes when we are not even realizing we are wanting to find it.

Ty EW for the compliment. But, I am just me and just sharing something very personal that might help someone else along the way...