dirty joke...share yours

Dirty Joke of the Day

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and he sees another man on the 1st floor.

He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"

The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

A guy walks into the kitchen holding a duck and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says, "That's not a pig, it's a duck." The guy tells his wife, "I wasn't talking to you!"

Lol oh noooooo

Ouch ! Where was the Funeral ? LOL

If you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit with one hand and fondle your testicles with the other hand, it's difficult to tell the difference.

It's also a good way to get banned from HyVee

Lol good one!! Thx!

I’m Terrible at jokes. I can never remember the punchline. So I won’t try to post any..
Or you all would be saying “WHAT???”
But I’m trying to memorize the first one that you posted Dallas, as it made me literally LOL.

A man goes to a bar and orders 3 shots of tequila and downs them back to back.
The bartender asks, "what's the occasion?"
The man says "It's for my first blowjob!"
The bartender congratulates him and says "Here, have another one on the house!"
The man says "No thanks. If three shots of tequila didn't get rid of the taste, I doubt four will."

What’s a 6.9?

Another great thing screwed up by a period.

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

The difference between a girlfriend, a hooker and a wife


A girlfriend says, Oh don't stop, don't stop, oh my god don't stop.
A hooker says, Hey man, Are you done yet?
A wife says, Beige, I think we should paint the ceiling beige

A man goes into a bar and orders a drink. He noticed an attractive woman at the end of the bar so he asked if he could join her. Sure she says but I'm not sure I'd be very good company. My husband is divorcing me because I like kinky sex. He says wow my wife is divorcing me for the same reason. Long story short they ended up at her place. She said make yourself at home while I go change. She comes back out with only high heeled thigh high boots a studded collar and a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other hand. He's just heading out the door. She said hey wait, I thought you liked kinky sex ? He said, I do. I fucked your cat and shit in your purse. I'm done for the night.

Ouch lol

Good ones!