Sex, roleplay, intimacy and delusion

For obvious reasons, I can't divulge my kinks to friends, casual acquaintances or even a trusted friend because doing so would mean revealing that part of me that society, in most cases, would label as abnormal. I am talking the D/s scene, roleplaying, fetishes, etc. I am a playful guy, generally do not seek out anything of a vanilla nature when I play because I have plenty of vanilla in my real life. The craving I have which I try to satisfy (usually without success) in the P4P arena is that of being sensually, playfully submissive to a sensual, playful domme. It does not fit into the BDSM scene in the strictest sense, no whips, bondage, etc. More mind games than anything else.

I have been lucky probably 2-3 times in meeting ladies who "get" me without feeling as if I am being judged as a weirdo. One is now retired, one lives too far away and still another and I seem to be star crossed when it comes to setting appointments.

Believe it or not, what I miss most is the feeling of intimacy I got when I was with these ladies. Sharing my inner most thoughts and desires and feeling accepted in spite of them was a very fulfilling, satisfying feeling. In short, the relationship meant something to me beyond the physical, although I recognized that there were obvious boundaries which needed to be respected and observed.

I guess my question is, do you other guys who play like this, and you ladies who provide in this space, feel a stronger sense of intimacy because of the somewhat "taboo" nature of the activity, as opposed to the normal "vanilla" stuff most people on this board seem to engage in? I mean, do you ladies recognize that for some of us men (me-especially) divulging this aspect of ourselves requires a bit of courage and trust and being accepted by you gives you a place of importance in my life beyond just the service provided?

I hope this makes sense to someone besides me.

I fully understand your concerns. I too have a fetish that is somewhat embarrassing to talk about and enjoy some roleplay that some consider taboo. As far as the fetish is concerned, Bdsm providers tend to want to impose their own thoughts about the sessions often wanting to go places that are beyond my limits. I am not into pain and many of the bdsm providers want to go there even when I don't. As far as regular providers, many of them say they are willing to accommodate it, then spend 5 minutes on it before moving on to what I would call a regular session.

As far as my roleplay likes, some regular providers won't accommodate it or will even refuse to see me. I fully understand this but it makes finding the right provider difficult. Again, both bdsm and regular providers tend not to be able to make the roleplay last as long as I would like it or don't really get into it.

Not withstanding, I have been able to find some great providers (both bdsm & regular).

I would be happy to more specific about what I am into with you or anyone else - feel free to pm me.

It's not that I am concerned. I was just wondering if the ladies are aware (and I am only speaking for myself here) know that by sharing these taboo subjects makes me feel a kindred intimacy with them, and if they are aware, do they care and understand it? Also wondered if the men felt that same feeling that I do, or if I am the only one.

Just as an aside, what I am talking about won't work with a pro domme. This is totally a case where they would call it topping from the bottom (I think). I want what I want, not what a pro domme wants. That's someone else's cup of tea, not mine.

I have great intimacy with my ATF who posts to this area... YMMV is the best way i can explain. Also I think the longer you see one provider the better the sessions become due to comfort.