My Chopsticks Quandary

Just don't put the chopsticks ... in/behind your ear, and I'm sure no one is going to get huffy and ask you to leave the table. Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

You learn something new every day.

Should I relearn how to hold my chopsticks? Crap. I don't wish to insult anyone with my table manners. Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

Using chopsticks the right way really isn't very hard, sadly we're too far apart for me to be of any assistance. I'm sure you can find someone. Honestly, I don't think it's a big deal - it wouldn't hurt to do it the right way, but if you're comfortable with what you're doing - who cares? It's pretty shallow to be embarrassed by someone because of the way they hold their chopsticks.

If you intend on going to Japan, I do suggest doing it the right way. They will be far too polite to correct you, or say anything at all for that matter. However, they will notice. Being a society with many rules, and rules to govern their rules, proper etiquette is important to them. They'll realize you're a foreigner and be forgiving, but they'll also be constantly aware of your error.

Generally speaking, when eating at ethnic places in North America, where staff is actually of that ethnicity (meaning you're at a Japanese restaurant and the staff is Japanese not Korean or Chinese), they really do appreciate people who try to understand their culture and their table manners.

Another hint, never jab your chopsticks into the rice or food leaving them standing upright. That is done at funerals only, it is a sign of death and mourning. Doing it in any other context is bad luck and rude. Always lay them on the chopstick holder, or lay them across the plate/bowl.

The biggest mistake I see people make with chopsticks - when you are talking, and motioning your hand as part of expression - doing so while holding chopsticks is rude, both in China and Japan. If you tend to talk with your hands, put down your chopsticks. It's something I personally always have to make a conscious effort to do.

The way I was raised it is ruder to point out someone’s manners or rudeness. So, the way I see it, your friend was the one doing the no-no.

There is a difference between manners and etiquette. Manners to me are the small things that make others feel good or gracious behavior. Etiquette is, to me anyway, is the execution of socially preferred mannerism, i.e., using the right fork, buttering one piece of bread at a time, dressing for the occasion, etc. Unless someone is just hunched over their food with both elbows on the table; shoveling food into their mouth; and then letting the said food fly like shrapnel when they look up long enough to talk with their mouth full, then etiquette need not be brought up. Even then, I don’t think I’d say anything.

Out of curiosity which finger did you move improperly? The one that evokes the one finger salute to for pretentious bull shit?

I can eat just as fast with chop sticks as I can with a fork... I learned a a very young age in San Fran in China Town. The Japanese nationals I had dinner with in Japan were impressed that I could use them so well. To this day, I can't eat Asian cuisine without chop sticks, it just doesn't feel right.

I have a similar "problem". I hold on the top chop stick too much like a pencil. Asians do notice. However, when I travel to Japan, you can kind of see them look a bit, but they really don't seem to be upset. I discussed it once with a colleague and he indicated that it wasn't a big deal. I was reasonably adept at using them and that the Japaneses appreciated that I had learned and were likely curious what I was doing different, not being critical. (I think my relationship with this guy was such that he would tell me the truth -- he's a gaijin married to a Japanese girl who works for a U.S. law firm).

I do not care what utensil another uses to eat with and hope they do not care what I eat with. So I have never learnt the proper or improper way to eat with chopsticks. I have also never learnt to juggle or bounce on a pogo stick or ride a unicycle. I wasn't born into the circus and never had the desire to learn those things. Same with chopsticks.

I wasn't born into the circus ... Originally Posted by WTF

Thats not what I heard.

When they move dirt in China, do they use two sticks or a shovel?

Thats not what I heard. Originally Posted by pjorourke

LOL

When they move dirt in China, do they use two sticks or a shovel? Originally Posted by gnadfly

ROTFLMAO

The way I was raised it is ruder to point out someone’s manners or rudeness. So, the way I see it, your friend was the one doing the no-no. Originally Posted by OliviaHoward

I personally would prefer someone correct me so that I at least am aware I'm making an error. Now once I know what the proper etiquette is - I may or may not subscribe to it depending on who I'm with and where I am, and even my mood. However, to not be aware of it at all I cannot bare. That's like having food in my teeth and no one telling me - PLEASE say something!

That's like having food in my teeth and no one telling me - PLEASE say something! Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

L--As perfect as your looks are, it is hard for me to believe there is enough space between your teeth for a piece of food to become lodged.

I personally would prefer someone correct me so that I at least am aware I'm making an error. Now once I know what the proper etiquette is - I may or may not subscribe to it depending on who I'm with and where I am, and even my mood. However, to not be aware of it at all I cannot bare. That's like having food in my teeth and no one telling me - PLEASE say something! Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Olivia, I was raised in that same way! But as Lauren sweetly pointed out, I would really prefer to know if I was doing something that was incorrect. Another poster said while he was in Japan that people DID notice. My date said that while in Japan that others will look to see if you're holding your chopsticks correctly.

I have fairly good table manners, lol, I do!!!! But I'm sincerely glad that he brought it up. And then sweetly discounted it later saying that I used them with confidence. I'm good with those things!

I'll write more later ... just wanted to chime and and thank everyone for the comments and Sydney, I'll write more later but you know me so well for not knowing me that well (did that make sense?)!!!

Hugs,
Elisabeth

L--As perfect as your looks are, it is hard for me to believe there is enough space between your teeth for a piece of food to become lodged. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

My looks are far from perfect, and I anyone can get spinach or corn in their teeth!

I personally would prefer someone correct me so that I at least am aware I'm making an error. Now once I know what the proper etiquette is - I may or may not subscribe to it depending on who I'm with and where I am, and even my mood. However, to not be aware of it at all I cannot bare. That's like having food in my teeth and no one telling me - PLEASE say something! Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Of course I would tell you if you had something stuck in your teeth. But, it's a different matter all together to correct someone. I think are two exceptions. One is if someone is doing something that is egregious and not know it because of cultural differences. Two if I were on a very friendly basis with someone, and from EW’s post, I’m assuming she isn’t. Different stokes for different folks; everyone has their way of approaching things. I would never correct someone’s minor etiquette breaches or point if they are rude. I would, like I said, correct someone’s actions if it they were highly and unintentionally offensive, and they didn’t know it. Chopstick holding, to me, is very minor.

Incidentally, I tried eating with the chopsticks without moving the front chopstick. Can’t do it! How crazy is that! I tried and tried and tried. I guess it’s just like I can’t bend my pinkie finger without bending the other fingers – at all.

My experience has been.... if you can get anything to your mouth without dropping it using those things.... nobody has the right to bust your balls - or breastsies, as the case may be - as to how you got it there!

Carry on, Elizabeth!

Olivia, pinkie-only bending lessons....at your convenience!