Stupid Jokes Thread

What's the difference between a bolt, a screw and a nail?

I've never been bolted.

But have you been "forked"?

But have you been "forked"? Originally Posted by OldSarge

I've spooned once or twice.

Was it the front spoon or back spoon? And do you know which one is the cheating spoon?

Question? Why did God create women?
Answer: Sheep cant cook

Man walks into a local crowded bar brandishing a revolver yelling " Who's been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar shouts back "Dude, you didn't bring enough ammo!"

I was playing in the park over the weekend, and wondering why the Frisbee kept getting larger, and then it hit me.

How many Waco city councelmen does it take to change a lightbulb?A: ZERO, Waco city councelmen dont change a thing.

What is blue and smells like red paint?





Blue paint

How are women and tornadoes alike?




They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.
It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell says one girl.
How can you tell says the other.
I can smell cock in the air say the first girl.
Sorry replied the other I just burped.

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years go." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he
notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dixx, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot all, 350 pounds, 20 inch dixx, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around".

An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father,I'm 81 married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice."

"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never,Father", replied the old man. "I'm Jewish"

"So why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!"

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend, After having great sex. She spent a hour just rubbing his balls. It was something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned over and asked why do you love doing that? She said "because..... I miss mine."