Dating a provider or hobbiest

I've tried it before...it's always ended in disappointment.

My all-time favorite situation (<------sarcasm) is when the hobbyist that says he wants to date me...says he wants to simultaneously continue hobbying.

Maybe my self-esteem is just too healthy... But I'll be damned if I'm doling out references for my boyfriend. Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

seems like all the ladies would want a man to accept their profession, without having to accept their man's hobby. humm...

seems like all the ladies would want a man to accept their profession, without having to accept their man's hobby. humm... Originally Posted by rharley

As long as my hobbyist SO doesn't have any problems with me fucking his co-workers for the pure thrill of it, I'm fine.

This is what we do for a living. You guys do it simply for fun. There is a difference.

Just my experiences and my .02 Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

Closer to $1.00, but other than that, not agreeing or disagreeing with the content.

In my experience the sex is the least of the issues. I know the lady does not want to have sex with all these other men, it is tiring, becomes mundane, and it is a job for her.

I am a monogamous man, and if dating or committed she has to stop and I must stop Hobbying. That is really the simple part.

The problems start when I am supporting the ex-provider and she wants to buy something expensive out side her budget or living expenses, in the past she just took on more dates and earned the extra cash, now it is up to me and if I do not do it, will she take a few Johns in to get that item or trip she wants? Trust is the issue. I cannot and will not be in a realtionahip without trust.

When a lady provides for years, sex becomes no big deal to her, she separates her ego from the act, and it is a job. Well, I, her partner do not see it that way, if she fucks another man it is cheating plain and simple. It is not a means to an end - it is infidelity. So, the issue is trust.

Another issue is most of these women, no not all, have a low self esteem and lower than most people. It is an issue to deal with, she needs constant reassurance that she is important, she is loved, and even with constant loving she still wonders do I love her for her pussy or for who she is. The women are in a profession that is not always legal, cannot be discussed with outside friends or family, it isolates us all, which creates low self esteem. When asked what do you do for a living, she is lying and that chips away at the self worth as well. Whether most women want to admit it or not and I know the human brain tells each and everyone of us, to include me, "that I am different, the job does not effect me like all the rest, I love sex and I orgasm, getting paid for it is good" That is merely a self defense mechanism in the ego to protect ourselves from doing things that could be considered disgraceful. It is the BS we all tell ourselves.

How many women here do this because they have to and how many do it because they enjoy it. I will bet most replies are because they enjoy it. I call BS on that one, most women do it because there is no other way to earn that much cash in that short period of time or because their lifestyle tells them they need to. It all chips away at the self esteem.

So, dating a woman that will wonder if I love her truly or not is not easy, dating a woman that may easily break my trust of fidelity is not easy, dating a woman that boasts about herself because she really feels inadequate inside from so providing is not easy. The boasting is called Grandiosity, when people brag on themselves, it is another lie we tell ourselves to hide our inadequacies.

A woman outside provinding can have these issues as well, but in my experience not to the degree that I have seen inside the Hobby, just me.

Just my experiences and my .02 Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

I do date...I just don't date hobbyists. I lie about my job...I have to. What guy would take me seriously or look at me as a real person with relationship potential, if I didn't?

Despite what you say...I have a very healthy self-esteem. I am one of the top providers in my state...despite the fact that I am competing with girls half my age. And I definitely don't think sex is anything to be ashamed of. It's a natural thing. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't look at things the way those in this community do. It's a sad fact, but one we must accept and live with.

I don't do this to buy Gucci bags or Manolo Blahnik shoes, or go on vacations...I'm supporting my family. I have to do this to make enough money to support my family--but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy doing it!

I would quit providing in a heartbeat, if I met the right guy. One that was willing to be a financial partner, so the burden wasn't solely on me. That's a fact. And I'd never betray him to buy a new designer purse. The hobby offers a lot of benefits, but none of the benefits can compare to a real relationship. Most often, it is a very lonely life.

I've been married twice...infidelity was never an issue with me. I don't think that the hobby has changed me so significantly that I couldn't be faithful to someone I loved. Money and material possessions are not the be-all end-all of my existence. I'm grounded, and I know what's important.

Iv'e been asked to date clients, but I know better! I'm not dating material!

I am not commenting on any particular person, only on my experiences, that's all I have to rely on. I do not know you Ginger and I accept that your self esteem is healthy.

I also agree if I met the right woman i would stop Hobbying in a heartbeat. Fidelity has never been an issue with me either. My problem is finding the right woman. And I like you lie as well.

I date outside the Hobby and no I do not tell the women I date, that I am fucking a hooker on the side. I do not commit to these women I date because when I do, I do stop seeing escorts, that simple. I do tell them I am seeing others but never do I admit to paying for sex. Does that chip away at my self esteeem, you betcha it does. When ever I feel the need to lie it is because I am doing something I am not proud of, or that I think I should not probably do, that simple. If I saw hookers and was really okay with it, I would not care what any other lady or person said about it and when asked on a date I would admit that yes I frequent escorts for sex. Because when I am self confident in what I do, I do not care what others think, simple. When someone asks me what i do for a living, I feel what I do is righteous and helpful so I readily admit what I do, that simple. Just me, I cannot speak for another.

Would never do it period. I don't want to date a hobbyist but at the same time, I would never expect ANY man to be "ok" with my current hooker status. When I leave here, I will date then...for now, it's better that I am single. I am a one man woman when it comes to my personal life, and am not into casual sex without the money.

I agree with Outdoorsman about the defense mechanism part. I can't see how "having to do this" warrants being able to love it 100 percent of the time. I sure as hell could not. If I knew I had to suck x amount of d*cks every week just to pay bills, I would shoot myself.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum in that I do NOT do this to support my family, but do it for the extras such as Real Estate and student loans that will someday benefit my financial future. I never tell myself this is ok, because I never thought it was. I am far from proud of what I do, and I make no bones about it.

I don't have to tell myself any lies, because I am not trying to convince anyone or myself that this is such a great career move lol. I know that right now, it's the best thing to do, but would never see myself here in another 5 years.

I also agree with Ginger in that men do this for lust not for money...which is harder to walk away from? Most of the women I know are not cheating on anyone to make money, but just about every guy I know IS cheating to fullfill that lustful desire. If I fell in love again, I would have no issues not providing any more. I may have to do without a few things, but so what. I don't need money from someone I am in love with, but I will also not support someone else either. It's 50/50.

...When ever I feel the need to lie it is because I am doing something I am not proud of, or that I think I should not probably do, that simple. If I saw hookers and was really okay with it, I would not care what any other lady or person said about it and when asked on a date I would admit that yes I frequent escorts for sex. Because when I am self confident in what I do, I do not care what others think, simple. When someone asks me what i do for a living, I feel what I do is righteous and helpful so I readily admit what I do, that simple. Just me, I cannot speak for another. Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

I neither feel ashamed of what I do, nor do I think it's wrong or something that I shouldn't be doing. But the simple fact is that the rest of the world outside of the hobby stigmatizes us and judges us. Whether we like it or not, we almost always care what others think. Especially when we want them to look at us in a certain way.

If I thought it was wrong, I wouldn't be doing it. If it made me miserable or screwed with my self esteem, I wouldnt be doing it. I am aware that others aren't so open minded, so I do have to be guarded about whom I let know.

I didn't create this world, but I do have to live in it.

I neither feel ashamed of what I do, nor do I think it's wrong or something that I shouldn't be doing. But the simple fact is that the rest of the world outside of the hobby stigmatizes us and judges us. Whether we like it or not, we almost always care what others think. Especially when we want them to look at us in a certain way.

If I thought it was wrong, I wouldn't be doing it. If it made me miserable or screwed with my self esteem, I wouldnt be doing it. I am aware that others aren't so open minded, so I do have to be guarded about whom I let know.

I didn't create this world, but I do have to live in it. Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

I agree. I really could care less what others think. I simply keep my business private to avoid having to tell someone just how much I DON'T CARE what they think about my line of work.

Would never do it period. I don't want to date a hobbyist but at the same time, I would never expect ANY man to be "ok" with my current hooker status. When I leave here, I will date then...for now, it's better that I am single. I am a one man woman when it comes to my personal life, and am not into casual sex without the money.

I agree with Outdoorsman about the defense mechanism part. I can't see how "having to do this" warrants being able to love it 100 percent of the time. I sure as hell could not. If I knew I had to suck x amount of d*cks every week just to pay bills, I would shoot myself.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum in that I do NOT do this to support my family, but do it for the extras such as Real Estate and student loans that will someday benefit my financial future. I never tell myself this is ok, because I never thought it was. I am far from proud of what I do, and I make no bones about it.

I don't have to tell myself any lies, because I am not trying to convince anyone or myself that this is such a great career move lol. I know that right now, it's the best thing to do, but would never see myself here in another 5 years.

I also agree with Ginger in that men do this for lust not for money...which is harder to walk away from? Most of the women I know are not cheating on anyone to make money, but just about every guy I know IS cheating to fullfill that lustful desire. If I fell in love again, I would have no issues not providing any more. I may have to do without a few things, but so what. I don't need money from someone I am in love with, but I will also not support someone else either. It's 50/50. Originally Posted by London Rayne

Every girl has her values and her boundaries regarding 'dating clients'. Many I know would never cross that boundary such as yourself. For me, I've dated and married clients, but the inevitable part of it not working out was that they became 'jealous' of me continuing to work.

I don't work because I HAVE to either, as I don't have a family to support or tons of bills. As a personal trainer my income is barely enough to cover my mortgage and my other bills, and escorting has been the most lucrative way to

1. SAVE AND INVEST for the future, in an IRA, for example
2. It bought my house before I was 30
3. It paid for wonderful vacations, a houseful of beautiful things
4. But the most important? Growing up sheltered and never having to even pump my own gas until I was 21, being an only child, this job has taught me independence that I never dreamed of having before I began making a lot of money, and learning about men, women, and the world. It opened my eyes to so many aspects of human nature, and while it has its pitfalls and I would NEVER say it's ok to do or recommend that a friend do it, it is what it is.


As an existential feminist, I consider escorting, prostitution, and other aspects of the sex industry to simply be what they are: they will never go away. I don't encourage women to get into it. I believe you have to be a strong individual with a strong self-esteem ( contrary to what all the old stereotypes say about women who get involved in the sex industry) to be able to DEAL with the pitfalls, which are often loneliness and seeing some of the worst sides of men ( and women as well). For me, I both enjoy what I do, but why fucking lie? I sure as shit enjoy the money and the rewards and freedoms it brings me.


I got my certification to do personal training and began competing in fitness shows because I have always loved fitness and being in shape, and that job is my 'time off' from this line of work (which I did exclusively for several years, and then took about two years off to regroup myself when I was feeling burned out...a very important thing for an escort to do!) and gives me another work realm to live and exist in. But I love escorting too much to give it up, and I want my next goal to materialize, and that's to pay off my entire mortgage in five years. Then, I quit.

I have learned one important thing though. While the relationships with other clients did not last, a few did last several years, and I simply did not have the emotional or spiritual makeup to continue working and dating/being married at the same time. And as long as I work from now on, I can't have a boyfriend and certainly never plan to be married again ( not the marrying type as I learned long ago) . That's the sacrifice I pay for wanting to work harder again and pay off my mortgage. And most of all I learned that I could never again be with a man who thinks it's okay for me to work as an escort. The jealousy factor I believe was natural for the men in my life who met me as an escort and then I continued to work ( my choice).

So it's just gonna be me and my cat from now on :P

I could easily see dating a provider since I look for providers who I respect as a person and not simply a handy pussy. However, if the dating evolved to a more serious relationship I don't think I could accept her continuing to provide. Given that I am a 52 year old fart I don't think this is a big issue for me to worry about.

I date most of them, but it still costs $$-$$$ each date! LOL

... If I thought it was wrong, I wouldn't be doing it. If it made me miserable or screwed with my self esteem, I wouldnt be doing it. I am aware that others aren't so open minded, so I do have to be guarded about whom I let know. . Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

+1

I agree. I really could care less what others think. I simply keep my business private to avoid having to tell someone just how much I DON'T CARE what they think about my line of work. Originally Posted by Lovelyelle_01

+2

Through the years... the only real learnings from these types of threads has been :
- many people have opinions
- very few people have long term, experienced opinions
- those few are split in their opinions
- if lust did not exist... neither would the hobby

All is fair, when posting opinions on a hooker board , no doubt... but it is rather humorous to continue to see the same, exactly worded mantra from those who really have no clue of the potential, other than their own unexperienced opinion!

More often than not... it appears to me... those with the most negative points of view, have zero record of successful relationships, in any social context!

just sayin...

I could easily see dating a provider since I look for providers who I respect as a person and not simply a handy pussy. However, if the dating evolved to a more serious relationship I don't think I could accept her continuing to provide. Given that I am a 52 year old fart I don't think this is a big issue for me to worry about. Originally Posted by Laz

If she said to you, " Well you'd have to help me out if you want me to quit" would you accept that?

If she said to you, " Well you'd have to help me out if you want me to quit" would you accept that? Originally Posted by alluringava

Define helping you out? If its a SD thing where you saw her once a week for X amount, then my answer would be NO! If its where she would be willing to move in with me, rent and utilities free, I would be good with that. Much more than that would get, I'll see you later!