Providers Giving Other Providers References

If you post some taint then I will change my ways.

If this question to all you wonderful providers has been asked before, then I apologize for bringing it up again (I couldn't find a thread about it). As a little background prior to the question, I know the nature of human beings. We ALL have some form of jealosy, whether we repress it or not. Admit it - Deep down we do, regardless of how much we try to deny it.


So, if another provider emails you asking for a reference on a client, doesn't it at least make you wonder "Why didn't he just call ME again? Did I do something wrong? Did I not satisfy him enough to make me his ATF forever?"

Seriously, y'all - doesn't this at least cross your mind at some point, at least briefly?

I'm mostly wondering how honest you are, as a provider, when it comes to giving good references about clients to other providers. Comment away!!! Thanks. Originally Posted by hotindallas

Well, there is no denying that stuff happens when it comes to references. When I was very new to escorting, and just learning about the reference system, I was contacted by a provider looking for a reference. I had just seen the guy the week before, so being the nice lady that I am, I happily confirmed that I had seen him and that he was a nice guy.

Oops. She wasn't screening a new client. She was his ATF, and in *her* opinion, he should be seeing her exclusively. She was checking up to see if he was checking out the new talent.

Oh brother. She went spider monkey ape shit on him. Telling him she was going to call his wife, his work, etc.

Lesson learned: Never confirm a reference unless the guy confirms with me that he initiated it himself.

Regarding your specific question as to whether providers get jealous, sure they do. many providers can tell tales about contacting a fellow provider for a reference, only to have the provider turn around and contact the guy and offer him a discount to see her instead. Or contact him and go spider monkey on him. Or just flat refuse to give the reference at all, or even give a bad reference. All of the above happen from time to time.

But most providers respect the reference system for what it is, a shared pool of knowledge that keeps us safe. We don't provide references as a favor to you guys (at least, that's not the main reason), we do it to keep the next lady safe, so that she in turn will keep us safe. We know we get what we put into it.

Do we get jealous and wonder why he's not seeing us again? I don't. Some probably do. Variety is the spice of the hobby. I know I do my job well. Most men who see me will return again. They don't have to see me exclusively to be a loyal regular. So I don't have to wonder why he's not seeing me. Maybe he's just in the mood for a redhead this time. This time or next though, he will be back.

Thanks for all the responses!

SinsOfTheFlesh, I never thought about the aspect of references you brought up - that's definitely something to think about!


I'm seeing that it seems people are people in terms of the jealousy aspect, regardless of whether they are in the hobby business - some aren't at all, some are a little, some are a little crazy, and some are just complete and total nutjobs. Kinda like the real world...

HotinDallas, a seasoned provider won't have those types of feelings. Maybe a new girl might feel that way. After awhile, you understand that everyone is different. Some men like to taste a variety of women, and some guys like to stick to one taste. So really, if someone thinks "why didn't he just call me back" I would guess that type of thinking would be from a "newer" inexperienced provider. On a personal note, I always provide honest references for any gent who asks. At this point, I understand that some men want to see others. However, it is flattering when you have a gent call you, and only you, over and over again. But even regulars come and go. (I made a thread about this over in the upstate NY forums, I also started a thread on the subject of "references" because I think you've touched on something here with providers refusing to give references out of jelousy.) This is The Hobby, once you condition your thinking and realize that expecting devotion is fruitless, you simply won't have feelings of jelousy. Just my 2 cents.

I'm seeing that it seems people are people in terms of the jealousy aspect, regardless of whether they are in the hobby business - some aren't at all, some are a little, some are a little crazy, and some are just complete and total nutjobs. Kinda like the real world... Originally Posted by hotindallas

Yes, amazing as it might seem the ladies and gentlemen in this corner of the universe really are people first!

HotinDallas, a seasoned provider won't have those types of feelings. .... I would guess that type of thinking would be from a "newer" inexperienced provider. Originally Posted by Tatiana M.

Tatiana, I agree that is how the world should be, but that is not the reality of things. Chemistry does happen, people do become friends, and sometimes knowing he is going to see a different lady does hurt.

When she was still working my ATF always gave me excellent references. But I learned (she told me years ago) that it did hurt a little if I asked for a reference to see someone else when I was in her city, especially if I didn't also have time to see her on that trip. She had mostly regulars, and from what she said there were a few of us--a small minority--that she felt that way about. She was a complete professionsl, but we had become--and still are--close (non-sexual) friends. And I had been seeing her for 10 years so she was not new. In my case that is when I started using ladies from a different city when I needed to give references.

I just don't see any reason to even potentially hurt someone needlessly.

I agree with your method. If it is going to hurt someones feelings to ask for a reference, then I agree it would be best to ask another provider for the needed reference.

Thanks for all the responses!

SinsOfTheFlesh, I never thought about the aspect of references you brought up - that's definitely something to think about!


I'm seeing that it seems people are people in terms of the jealousy aspect, regardless of whether they are in the hobby business - some aren't at all, some are a little, some are a little crazy, and some are just complete and total nutjobs. Kinda like the real world... Originally Posted by hotindallas

PS. A fellow Douglas fan I see! Just remember, anytime you aren't sure about something in the hobby, just stop think WWFPD? What would Ford Prefect do? You'll never be stuck for an answer again