If asked about sexual history in legitimate relationship

"legitimate relationship"? What's that?

I think your first approach works best. Seems as though you care for this person and divulging all of your sexual history may scare her away. If she attempts to dig deeper show her your most recent medical testing and that should put her at ease for sure.

Just my 1+1 cent :-)

Lie out your ass is my humble advice. If you fess up the questions will never stop and be thrown in your face forever. Plus it is something she then has an upper hand to hold over you forever. Just say you have had a few bar pickups/casual sex, never about any paid encounters Do I sound bitter? Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

Its a no-win situation. Just shut-up about the entire hobby thing with her. Trust me on this matter!

Ike and Darth, my friends, you speak the truth! Women who are not IN the hobby have a very low tolerance or understanding for men who ARE in the hobby.

Dune, you have some heavy horsepower here all telling you the same thing. I hope you are listening, Sir! Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

It would be a mistake to admit anything. Many people do not agree with the hobby, nor do they understand the reasoning. They will perceive you as an untrustworthy individual who has low character moral. Leave the past to rest... if others cannot accept this, then maybe it is time to move on. Originally Posted by LAVixian

Lie, lie, lie. Stick to the lie. Never vary from the lie. Ever.

If your relationship progresses, she may eventually want you tested for STDs. Fine, as long is she is tested also. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If yours comes back positive, stick to the lie. There are innocent ways in which to contract most STDs. Research them, and have your answers at the ready. (You might prepare by getting yourself tested now secretly so you know which lies to have at the ready.)

If you value your relationship with her, keep her in the dark. She has no need to know this side of your history.

dune, I'd be up front with her, since you say she's been active, you let her know you enjoy the SC scene and visits to the amp's. My SO is pretty straight laced as for as being monogamist, so I guess I don't really have the right to say anything. Both of you knowing your past exploits may be a plus for your future BCD experiences.

Good luck

The only thing that really matters is what you do AFTER you meet her/him. She most likely has done things she isn't telling you as she may fear you judging her.

dune975:

There is some well-ment, sensative advice on this thread. What ever you do . . .do not tell her you have ever been a hobbyist.

Best wishes to you and your Lady

Oh I know right! Totally agree, what the hell is that?

"legitimate relationship"? What's that? Originally Posted by Wakeuр

Again...do not tell her! And probably not a good idea to tell her about casual relationship or bar pick-up or one night stands. No good woman wants to hear that. It's none of her business and you don't have the obligation to tell her. Again...keep your answer ambiguous and non-committal. :-) Just say you dated a few in search for a relationship, but nothing worked. Leave it at that.

Sam, sweetheart, I'm hurt, I want to tell you the truth but you won't listen !!!!

This is a situation that plays more toward maybe age, maturity, and life experiences, as to whether or not a person can handle this information. You can see that Sam and I are now mad at each other!

I think it comes down to this............dune, you're on your own, good luck with that.

Best to not dwell on the past exploits of either of yours. The past is exactly that, the past. If you and she connect and maybe go forward it is best to plan a future than debate the past.

When I read your post the first thing that came to mind is gentlemen don't kiss and tell. Someone else gave that advice. I'd keep to that. It's none of her business really.

When I read your post the first thing that came to mind is gentlemen don't kiss and tell. Someone else gave that advice. I'd keep to that. It's none of her business really. Originally Posted by OliviaHoward

If you do tell her you can bet the farm that at some point it WILL be thrown back in your face. They say they forgive and they may well, but they will never forget past sins, trust me. Good luck with your new relationship, there are plenty of obstacles ahead without supplying your own minefield. Lies by omission are somewhat easier to keep up with [grin]

Stick to your story re. one night stands. She has known you all this time, and it's plausible, and that's all you should say. I have rarely been asked that question. And whenever it has been asked, it was the last time it was ever asked in that relationship.

Especially do not mention any P4P at all, period, no way, nada, nothing, never; in fact, you really know nothing at all about, and have no interest in, that. If asked about it, make your disinterest in both the subject and the discussion clear. If you're going to admit any of this, you might as well walk away from the relationship right then.

I'm middle-aged, and the only sex I've had has been paid-for. Now I have a "real-life" relationship that may be getting to the sexual stage, and the woman may ask about my sexual history. She knew me as a shy teen, and I've told her I pretty much haven't been in a serious relationship. Originally Posted by dune975

When I met my fiancee (I no longer hobby), I told her my sexual history and it wasn't a big deal. She was rather curious about the providers though. Apparently no one she had ever met admitted to paying for sex.

She has a lot of sexual history. So any thoughts?

I wouldn't think it's going to be big deal. My fiancee has very little sexual history and it didn't bother her.

If you do tell her you can bet the farm that at some point it WILL be thrown back in your face.

The only way someone can do that is if you feel guilty about it. My fiancee has never done that in the 2 years we've known each other and I think if she ever were to consider it, she knows I'd just look at her and say, ``And?''

[quote=npita ...My fiancee has never done that in the 2 years we've known each other ... [/quote]

You'll see, npita. Everyone is on their best behavior until the engagement is over, then things will get real.