Both, and everything in between.
It all depends on chemistry and the vibe.
The first few moments together are time for sensing and testing, and the rest I just let myself get carried away and swept up in the moment.
Hell I've had a date start out very sweet and gentle.. work our way to sweaty speechless pounding and end up exhausted but cuddling on the soaked sheets.
The only thing I find that makes a date feel like I'm "working" is when someone is nervous and unsure of what he wants and a bit stand-offish.
I like to kiss, nibble, bite when allowed, it throws me off to have someone who isn't into kissing.
As for violent-rough.. my room mate in AIT was violent. I wasn't sure if I should step in and help the guy escape or just listen and play with myself. (we put our wall lockers between our beds as a divider)
She would start out playfully slapping, but as they knew each other longer, she'd punch and kick.
He stuck it out for 4 months though, so I guess he liked it.
Me? hold my neck, just don't cut off my air, or bite my neck and I'm all yours.