How to communicate a fetish or fantasy to a provider ahead of time...

I guess it's a fine line between establishing the respect first - and THEN communicating the fetish request.

Too many guys start off with shit like...

"Hi, your hot, do you swallow?"

I know that's not even fetish...but it pisses me off. Go read my reviews dipshit.

Yeah, I know I sound like a dom right now, but I'm far from. I'll virtual bitch slap a guy for being a moron.

Make sure you have your manners about you.
Those of us who get kinky want someone who is going to be able to behave when it's time to stop.

You know?

I feel like what I'm asking for is not in line with what most guys ask for which is what makes it feel weird to ask I guess. I do appreciate the help in knowing more the timing when to ask. I could care less about things like CIM, DT, snowballing, greek and "physical" activities. I want a specific look, and preferably some acting to go with it. Actually, I don't feel that weird asking, I feel like after asking, the reply is going to be 'uhhmmm yeah right!'.

It may be a challenge but hopefully the search will be fun. Sadly, I have like 5 of these type of fantasies and they are all different!

I'm realizing I am like Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo.

Good Luck MC, You have taken the first BIG step to making your fantasies cum true, By being TRUE to yourself and bringing those fantasies out. This has to be the first step for us all, not being afraid of being judged by others for wanting to live as we choose........

Ladies - maybe sharing some of our "odd" requests here would help him out?

Mine have been pretty tame...you all have at it.

I get a good heads up from a provider's marketing & e-mails & texts while setting things up and/or testing the waters. Wit, good communication skills coupled w/getting a little saucy banter indicates someone could b a treat in this area. But at some point when the provider gives u the go ahead....be very, very specific about what you'd like. Can't expect these lovely lasses to read your mind.

Nice thread and good advice and information.

Communication is KEY.
Just be honest with your desires.
If she is into what you are into BOTH of you can have fun.

I don't believe that anyone really answred the OP's Q. Putting your request in your P411 profile is great, but if the provider is checking by phone or doesn't take the time to read it, you're SOL.

Is it appropriate, AFTER the date/time is set, to communicate a "special" request via text or email? Obviously, this souldn't be something that could been determined by reading reviews (CIM, BBBJ, greek, NQNS, etc.). e.g. "I like fishnet panytyhose, if I brought some would you wear them? And if so, what size?" Again AFTER a time/date has been set. Is this ok to do via email or text?

I do try and ask if there are any special request, once we agree on a meet. I also make sure and ask their limits and set up a safe word if needed. The more info I am given ahead of time the better I can fulfill their fantasy/fetish as I will be prepared mentally and physically for it. Once at the appt, I show them the toys I am playing on playing with and explain their uses, so we are both comfy with the play session. I encourage them to bring their own play equipment if they have it, and I am glad to use it along with my own to make the fun happen.

I have had several fantasy/fetish requests fulfilled by my retired and current ATF's. The first thing I suggest is don't attempt it for your first meeting. I did this with another provider who just didn't get it so the experience was disappointing for both of us.

Ask when you first meet if she's into role play/fetishes/whatever. If she answers affirmative leave it at that. Then work on getting to know her a little bit and vice versa. Once you have started to establish some trust you can start asking, "Hey, could/would you do..." Start off small. Immediately asking for the donkey, midget, nun's habit, and 10lbs of potato salad will probably put her off.

Once you've had some of your more minor fantasy/fetishes/whatever fulfilled the start slowly pushing the envelope. Ask her about her fantasies too. You may have some common ground and things could progress quicker. She could also put a better idea in your head (I helped fulfill certain fantasies/fetishes for both my retired and current ATF's and they repaid me by making my fantasy/fetish requests extra special. Give back a little and you can get a lot back).

Outfit requests are usually the simplest fantasies to ask for. Sometimes my girls had what I wanted or reasonable variation, other times I had to get it for them. When I first had to ask for sized I felt a little uncomfortable because I was raised that it was rude to ask a lady her weight/dress/shoe size. Luckily both my ladies were not shy about this. I would usually give them their outfits at a session prior to the special one. That way they had time to try them on and see if there were any issues. I would leave receipts with them in case they had to exchange or return anything. This would help the fantasy visit go off without a hitch.

I think it goes without saying that any outfits you purchase for a lady is theirs to keep. Asking for it back I feel is rude. They're going out of their way to please you so that's the least you can do. Both my retired and current ATF never up charge me so long as they keep clothes and accessories.

Which reminds me...make sure to discuss if they expect more than their normal donation. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won't. Get this out of the way before your special session so no moods are killed.

You've got everything set up, all accessories purchased, and you've communicated about your mutual expectations. Big day arrives, you get to the room...one hour later you leave with the biggest smile on your face despite the cracked rib and cauliflower ear. You left your lady on the bed dealing with a smoldering vagina while inhaling oxygen. Good job and congratulations! Make a note to buy her a little something before your next visit whether it's flowers, candy, wine, or a bottle of her favorite perfume.

Then again...

She agrees to the fantasy/fetish/whatever and is actually excited about it, you get all your outfits and props, you do a few sit ups during the week leading up to it, the big day arrives, she shaves extra close, and...it sucks. Neither of you enjoy it. Unfortunately it happens. Best thing to do is not get angry at her or yourself. Sometimes the fantasy is best left at that. My current ATF and I had a fetish session that was akin to the last few hours of the Titanic. We cut it short and sat on opposite sides of the bed in a very awkward silence. We finally looked at each other then started laughing about how awful it was. This is why getting to know each other is so important. If it's a bust there will be no hurt feelings and you will be able to talk it through.

Ultimately the key to having a great session of any sort with the lovely ladies here is communication. Let her know what you expect and listen to what she expects. If you're both on the same page, great. I'm sure that you two will have some fantastic times. If not, drop it. Trying to force her to do something she's not comfortable with is a recipe for disaster. Feelings will be hurt and a potentially great relationship destroyed. Life's to short for that.

Have fun and be safe!