Got caught but didn't get CAUGHT!!!!! Have a question for veterans

I guess I am lucky.I have a lucrative sideline/hobby that pays really well.The money I earn at my real job takes care of my family, my side money is my play money and my wife has no idea what I have, when I have it or what I do with it, plus separate accounts for this money, so the sideline/ hobby idea is a very good one, just keep it separate from your joint finances and your problems will be solved.

this is why joint accounts are a bad idea. try opening up a savings/checking account at another bank, then have a portion of your check deposited into it every payday. Originally Posted by JCM800

Take up a hobby.... Originally Posted by PFCffff

Also, if you haven't already, join a gym. Dual purpose of coming home showered and unaccounted for time. But the new past time is a great way to get some independent funds, Originally Posted by LilMynx69

All excellent, And don't forget the PO Box. In addition, might as well get another credit card in just your name. All good for Hobby cover. Here's the punch line, she's already hacked off, so you need to be prepared anyway (new CC, PO Box, and already have new hobbys). Or quit the hobby in question. But, aren't you stepping out already for a reason?

If my husband confessed to having a gambling problem and funding it with cash advances from credit cards, you'd better believe I'd be pulling his credit report to make sure he wasn't just opening new ones.

I mean, that's just plain common sense and not in a nosey way...in a trying to help him battle his addition, looking out for our family finances sort of way.

Fuck the accountant wife ... see who you want to see, when you want to see them. What is the worse that could happen? I see downloading porn in your future.

Im not a veteran but have been doin it a couple years. When I go to the store or anywhere that has cash back I always get $10-20 back not matter what. It can take a lil while but it works for me. Hope this helps ya some. Originally Posted by Thurgood Jenkins

That is very good advice. You can also buy things and return them to places you know will give you cash back for a debit card purchase return. Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Careful, some banks will list the cash back on the statement, and receipts could be produced indicating it too.

Next time you get a raise maybe you can set up that portion of your direct deposit to a new bank account you set up through your work address or a PO box. Skimp a little more off with the excuse that insurance went up, and maybe you could manipulate the retirement account.

You certainly have to squirrel away what you can. If she's a good forensic $ gal, you lost the moment you gave access. Give hummers on the side, if you're good at it, maybe the hobby will pay back.

Careful, some banks will list the cash back on the statement, and receipts could be produced indicating it too.

Next time you get a raise maybe you can set up that portion of your direct deposit to a new bank account you set up through your work address or a PO box. Skimp a little more off with the excuse that insurance went up, and maybe you could manipulate the retirement account.

You certainly have to squirrel away what you can. If she's a good forensic $ gal, you lost the moment you gave access. Give hummers on the side, if you're good at it, maybe the hobby will pay back. Originally Posted by JohnnyCap

To the OP, unfortunately you were careless and it didn't take much effort for her to notice cash advances...not too smart. Sorry, but true. Now you're stuck with a story about a compulsive problem.

Pretend to go to counseling for it every week. Claim it's a $50 copay but you found someone to see you for $75 cash in order to keep it off your medical record. Find a provider near your "counselor's" office and park at the office and walk to the location. Leave your phone in the trunk. Have your wife control the finances and track all your spending and give you $75 in an envelope each week for your counseling. On the weeks you don't hobby, go to the location anyway and sit and drink coffee.

That's the best I've got.

But my real advice is...

You were careless and now you should be sentenced to a Hobby Timeout.
{{{pounds her gavel}}}

Just divorce the wife.

It sounds to me like you just were very careless and wrongly assumed your wife would never notice the ATM withdrawals or credit card cash advances whichever you were doing. This is a good lesson for all hobbyists, always act like your SO is suspicious even when she isn't. Consider what she would be able to uncover were she to look, and be sure the answer is as close to nothing as possible. Unless your goal is to hurt her, you'd better keep this side of your life compartmentalized.

Your main problem now is going to be that your wife now has her antennae up regarding your financial behavior so any attempts to funnel cashflow to your hobby fund will be that much more difficult. Also be ready for her to be suspicious of your whereabouts now too as she is now tuned into potential abnormal behavior from you. As Mynx said, she now thinks you have an addiction and , in her attempts to help you, will most likely be vigilant in spotting any "backsliding".

In my opinion you should scale back the hobbying for awhile until things cool off. If not, then I'd funnel cash very slowly using a multipronged approach utilizing all the methods people have mentioned here plus any others you can think of.

Be careful with a separate bank account, if you ever happen to earn more than $10 in interest the bank has to give you a 1099-INT for your taxes which would be difficult to explain. Also funneling a portion of paychecks is a bad idea because the amounts going into your joint account and the amounts on your W-2 come tax time will not be remotely close, also your paystubs will show the trail.

The thing for me would be to do it very slowly and sporadically funneling small amounts from different areas at once. Things you can do (many have already been mentioned):

• Always get $5-20 cash back from debit transactions when possible, vary the amount depending on purchase totals and be sure your bank doesn't record them
• starting a hobby that costs money is the easiest way to get no questions asked chunks of cash, you can even use your "gambling problem" as a reason for picking up something new to occupy your time in a "more healthy and non-destructive way"
• Go to lunch/drinks/dinner with colleagues/friends and pay for the tab having them give you cash for their portion
• Buy extra items when shopping at a place like Costco/Sam's on debit card, return them immediately after for cash back
• Tell your friends your wife is on your ass about the money you spend eating out, and offer to fill up their gas tanks for cash back to get her off your ass
• If your company reimburses small amounts with petty cash find ways to take advantage of that

The key is keeping the amounts relatively small and the number of them high, the more transactions you have in a month the harder it is for her or anyone to make sense of the pattern. If your gas charges per month suddenly double that's obvious, but if once a month you fill a friend's tank it's likely to go unnoticed. The same for everything else.

Sorry I can't think of anything else at the moment with my Scotch addled brain

Anyway, good luck!

All great advice. I didn't catch whether the OP was grounded from gambling or not. If he isn't, then take x amount once a month to go "gamble." Take it one step further and actually go to the casino to get your cash advance. If she starts looking at where the ca's come from and sees the casino, your cover story is intact.

I think all of the advice you've been given from the community should help you along the path of being able to stay active in the hobby. I would use a couple of the different ideas and you should be well on your way.

None of us know exactly what kind of person your SO is. Is she gullible or is she a modern day Sherlock Holmes? How would she react if she did find out? Would you get a slap on the wrist or in the face? Or would she leave you, and if your married, take half? Only you can answer that. If her 'radar' is up you need to be careful. A fellow hobbyist friend of mine went through a very similar situation and he played it off. Big mistake! She started tracking his every move. Now he wasn't too bright. He didn't have a hobby phone and he did most of his electronic communication when his wife was away or asleep on their computer. She tracked all of his phone calls like an itemized receipt and without him knowing, installed a key logger on their computer. Let's just say when the dust settled from the divorce, he had nothing.

Donning my flame-proof undies here:

Take up a hobby. What works for me is shooting and reloading. It really is a hell of a lot of fun. After you have a few guns, you can start to get into it and go to gun shows. Take your wife to a few. Let her see how everyone at the gun show pretty much just walks around with wads of cash to pay for guns and ammo, or guns to sell for cash.

Voila! You now have a reason to have large amounts of cash on hand, and a reason for the funds to get larger or smaller. Sometimes I go to the gun show and get a new toy! Sometimes I find a hooker with really big tits and get my brains fucked out! And I always have plausible deniability.

The shooting sports. Gotta love it! Originally Posted by PFCffff

So what happens when she notice that you don't have any new guns or ammo

To the OP, unfortunately you were careless and it didn't take much effort for her to notice cash advances...not too smart. Sorry, but true. Now you're stuck with a story about a compulsive problem.

Pretend to go to counseling for it every week. Claim it's a $50 copay but you found someone to see you for $75 cash in order to keep it off your medical record. Find a provider near your "counselor's" office and park at the office and walk to the location. Leave your phone in the trunk. Have your wife control the finances and track all your spending and give you $75 in an envelope each week for your counseling. On the weeks you don't hobby, go to the location anyway and sit and drink coffee.

That's the best I've got.

But my real advice is...

You were careless and now you should be sentenced to a Hobby Timeout.
{{{pounds her gavel}}} Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Unless his wife is as thick as a brick, which i suspect she is not, that suggestions isn't going to fly at all.

You are right that he was careless, very much so

All great advice. I didn't catch whether the OP was grounded from gambling or not. If he isn't, then take x amount once a month to go "gamble." Take it one step further and actually go to the casino to get your cash advance. If she starts looking at where the ca's come from and sees the casino, your cover story is intact. Originally Posted by GypsyHeart

works good as long as she doesn't want to go too, to monitor his spending.

When you go out to dinner with the guys withdraw $100 and order grilled cheese. Originally Posted by Alyssa Vegas

LOL

Just divorce the wife. Originally Posted by pyramider

Lmao