How to get into being a Dominatrix?

You may want join Fetlife and read through the forums and also check out The Sanctuary

https://fetlife.com/

http://www.sanctuarylifestyle.com/

Another thing to bear in mind is this:

Personality plays a key role in it. If you don't have it in you to be a Domme, you won't be good at it, regardless of training. Likewise, a non-submissive person will not make a good sub, no matter how much money is put on the table.

Another thing to bear in mind is this:

Personality plays a key role in it. ... Likewise, a non-submissive person will not make a good sub, no matter how much money is put on the table. Originally Posted by GracePreston

per my experiences, i agree!

tho i put my money on the table, i was a so-so sub.
but it was a deliteful and educational experience.

You may want join Fetlife and read through the forums and also check out The Sanctuary

https://fetlife.com/

http://www.sanctuarylifestyle.com/ Originally Posted by Indefinable Ms. M

Thank You Ms. M,

I was going to suggest https://fetlife.com but you beat me to it. I'm not sure but a group of fetlife.com folks met at the local BBQ Restaurant that I frequent in White Settlement about 6 mos ago I was eavesdropping on the conversation cause I was interested in what they were discussing and wanted to learn more. One of the hobknob male members gave me a business card and told me to research the website and learn more. It is interesting but like Melannie said it's not something you can do overnight, experience comes with time...

Start reading. Read. And then, read some more. I have a whole library of such books and would be more than willing to let you BORROW a few of them, if you would like.

I have a collection of everything from the classics (Marquis de Sade) to a plethora of "how to" books ranging from CBT to general suggestions of BDSM work to fireplay.

I would make one, and a bit harsh, suggestion, though.

Don't try to do Domme work if you're doing it to make a few extra bucks. You have to learn and if you're interested, I'm always around to answer questions ... and other ladies will, too.

And I'm not really directing that message to you, honey, but more to the others reading this. When an escort says something like "I'll do fetish work" or something along those lines, often that translates to "I'll penetrate your bottom" or something like that.

They know nothing of subspace, or any of the more simple terms often used with D/s, BDSM or other sorts of play. Basically, I'm a Top. But inside, I'm submissive. But I make for a DAMN good top and Domme. Often, the more submissive women (who are very in tune with their sexuality) will make the best Dommes. Also, learn how to spell, and pronounce "Domme".

It's not pronounced with a soft "e" at the end. It sounds like "Dom".

And what you're seeking, if you're truly wishing to experience this type of play, is being able to find that certain mind space, that everyone has, but you have to KNOW how to tap into that. Get them to a head space that causes them to melt into the mattress and be in a different dimension.

THAT different dimension, where time/space and passion collide, THAT is what your client base will be trying to get to. And you have to know how to help them achieve that sort of nirvana. Subspace. And it's not always that simple.

However, it's really a difficult role to play, if you do it right. It's a LOT tougher than doing just regular GFE sex work. And sometimes, it can be downright WOW.

Also, you have to make a huge investment in cuffs, collars, toys, floggers, shibari rope, dildos, etc. I don't have boxes and boxes of the stuff. I keep my tools simple. But even with a simple array of items, it would be in the hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to get just basic stuff.

You have to be almost a mind reader to figure out what a man is craving because often, he just doesn't know himself.

So I start out slow with each person. And even then, it can be too slow or too much.

It's difficult to gauge someone's passion at times. Especially when this type of "play" is going on.

If there is a client of yours that is interested in having extreme nipple play, or extreme teasing or CBT, then have THAT client show you some things that he likes.

That is really how I started to learn. I had clients open that door. (That's why you'll always hear from women that men in the "hobby", and I hate that term, are just better lovers and more knowledgeable, overall. They have more of a skill set than most guys who aren't out there getting experience with lots of women!)

Then, go to conferences. Really, those conferences are where you're going to learn the most, hands on often, unless you find an experienced Dom or someone to show you the ropes , so to speak.

In September, Dallas has Beyond Vanilla. It's not the best set of classes out there but the presenters have always been good, for the most part. If you're interested in going and have questions, call me sometime. I've been there several times.

I've been to KinkyKollege twice. I cannot recommend that one enough. It's in Chicago and happens in the fall.

http://kinkykollege.com

Although there are plenty of similar programs around all over the place, I cannot recommend kinkykollege enough. Although it's a similar type of program as Beyond Vanilla in Dallas, in Dallas ... everyone is clannish and it's not a good vibe, unless you take the time to get to know people.

There is a 4th Friday munch (PM) in Dallas for the BDSM community, if you're interested, I could go there with you sometime. I haven't been there in forever, years, but I do know some of the people and I've been telling myself that I need to return.

In Chicago, there are a lot of heterosexuals and they're more kink focused and less "cliquish", although you'll have to deal with that somewhat, the openness is much more evident.

Chicago has a HUGE kink community. I would think that it's only third to San Fran and NY.

Anyway ... good luck if this is what you desire to do. Read.

I have a book list on my blog somewhere. I'll try to find it for you in a few moments and link it here.

There is a lot of emotional growth, too, that is a benefit of learning about this type of sexuality, if you do it with the heart that it deserves. Personally, some of my very best appointments have been with guys and dealing with a lot of heady alternative action.

You can really get a rush while doing it that isn't unlike the experience of orgasm. But it's in your head. And spirit. Rather difficult to put into words, I think.

Best of luck to you!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

Wow. Thanks everyone. Are there any dommes out there willing to teach? Or maybe I should be asking guys if they wanna do a double sub with their fave domme?

One common saying is that subs create Doms. When someone responds to power exchange and gets off on it, it creates a feedback loop which leads to more power exchange and more getting off until the sub ends up in subspace and the Dom learns how to recognize that and help keep them there, usually a little bit longer each session.

Learning how to read a sub is the key skill. There are techniques you can use that you can learn from books or advice, but learning each subs tells and how to know how far you've pushed them and how far you can still push is really something that only experience with a particular partner can teach you.

Contact my girl Vanessa LeVeaux she's Queen of dominatrix!!!!

Start reading. Read. And then, read some more. I have a whole library of such books and would be more than willing to let you BORROW a few of them, if you would like.

I have a collection of everything from the classics (Marquis de Sade) to a plethora of "how to" books ranging from CBT to general suggestions of BDSM work to fireplay.

I would make one, and a bit harsh, suggestion, though.

Don't try to do Domme work if you're doing it to make a few extra bucks. You have to learn and if you're interested, I'm always around to answer questions ... and other ladies will, too.

And I'm not really directing that message to you, honey, but more to the others reading this. When an escort says something like "I'll do fetish work" or something along those lines, often that translates to "I'll penetrate your bottom" or something like that.

They know nothing of subspace, or any of the more simple terms often used with D/s, BDSM or other sorts of play. Basically, I'm a Top. But inside, I'm submissive. But I make for a DAMN good top and Domme. Often, the more submissive women (who are very in tune with their sexuality) will make the best Dommes. Also, learn how to spell, and pronounce "Domme".

It's not pronounced with a soft "e" at the end. It sounds like "Dom".

And what you're seeking, if you're truly wishing to experience this type of play, is being able to find that certain mind space, that everyone has, but you have to KNOW how to tap into that. Get them to a head space that causes them to melt into the mattress and be in a different dimension.

THAT different dimension, where time/space and passion collide, THAT is what your client base will be trying to get to. And you have to know how to help them achieve that sort of nirvana. Subspace. And it's not always that simple.

However, it's really a difficult role to play, if you do it right. It's a LOT tougher than doing just regular GFE sex work. And sometimes, it can be downright WOW.

Also, you have to make a huge investment in cuffs, collars, toys, floggers, shibari rope, dildos, etc. I don't have boxes and boxes of the stuff. I keep my tools simple. But even with a simple array of items, it would be in the hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to get just basic stuff.

You have to be almost a mind reader to figure out what a man is craving because often, he just doesn't know himself.

So I start out slow with each person. And even then, it can be too slow or too much.

It's difficult to gauge someone's passion at times. Especially when this type of "play" is going on.

If there is a client of yours that is interested in having extreme nipple play, or extreme teasing or CBT, then have THAT client show you some things that he likes.

That is really how I started to learn. I had clients open that door. (That's why you'll always hear from women that men in the "hobby", and I hate that term, are just better lovers and more knowledgeable, overall. They have more of a skill set than most guys who aren't out there getting experience with lots of women!)

Then, go to conferences. Really, those conferences are where you're going to learn the most, hands on often, unless you find an experienced Dom or someone to show you the ropes , so to speak.

In September, Dallas has Beyond Vanilla. It's not the best set of classes out there but the presenters have always been good, for the most part. If you're interested in going and have questions, call me sometime. I've been there several times.

I've been to KinkyKollege twice. I cannot recommend that one enough. It's in Chicago and happens in the fall.

http://kinkykollege.com

Although there are plenty of similar programs around all over the place, I cannot recommend kinkykollege enough. Although it's a similar type of program as Beyond Vanilla in Dallas, in Dallas ... everyone is clannish and it's not a good vibe, unless you take the time to get to know people.

There is a 4th Friday munch (PM) in Dallas for the BDSM community, if you're interested, I could go there with you sometime. I haven't been there in forever, years, but I do know some of the people and I've been telling myself that I need to return.

In Chicago, there are a lot of heterosexuals and they're more kink focused and less "cliquish", although you'll have to deal with that somewhat, the openness is much more evident.

Chicago has a HUGE kink community. I would think that it's only third to San Fran and NY.

Anyway ... good luck if this is what you desire to do. Read.

I have a book list on my blog somewhere. I'll try to find it for you in a few moments and link it here.

There is a lot of emotional growth, too, that is a benefit of learning about this type of sexuality, if you do it with the heart that it deserves. Personally, some of my very best appointments have been with guys and dealing with a lot of heady alternative action.

You can really get a rush while doing it that isn't unlike the experience of orgasm. But it's in your head. And spirit. Rather difficult to put into words, I think.

Best of luck to you!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

You'd do good to heed Ms Es advice. One does just not do a session and poof their a Domme. You have to have it in you, or a true sub will see right through you, if you are playing and putting on a act to make a buck. It starts with the desire, then you research and learn your skill set. Not something that happens over night. Domme's are trained for a reason....if you dont know your skills you can harm someone in more ways then one.