Stupid newbie question: Proper etiquette for cancelling a session

And if she would have NCNS you would she have given you a freebie to make up for it? Most definitely not. You cancelled and that should have been the end of it. People cancel. She tried to get more in my opinion. At least you know everything you need to know about her now.

Thanks to all the posters for your thoughtful opinions.

Most importantly, I would like to thank all the ladies who PM’d me with the location of their incalls and their generous “Cancel Anytime” policies (No booking required! Just cancel, and drop off the money!) It’s that kind of open-hearted generosity that makes me love the ladies of this Board.

To all the guys who PM’d me wondering who this provider is -- I’m not talking. Don’t assume this is a lady about whom I have published a review. I don’t think this provider is “bat-shit crazy” -- and if that’s “code” for SDR, it wasn’t her. She’s a sweetheart.

This was just an unfortunate situation between a provider and a client which both of us (or at least I) handled badly.

My post was not about the provider – it was about appropriate behavior for the guy who finds himself in this situation.

The specifics could have been different (for example, a lady you’ve seen four times suddenly stops offering GFE, and tells you at the beginning of the session), but the choices facing the monger would be the same:

• Do I swallow hard and proceed – even though this is not the deal I signed up for?
• Do I bargain and haggle and try to work out a compromise “on the spot” – and then proceed? (…although I have never found “angry sex” to be much fun)
• Or do I walk away? And if I do, what is fair treatment for the provider?

I think all your comments have helped me gain some perspective on this, and hopefully, will help me better handle something similar should it ever happen to me again.

Thanks!

Look, there are three sides to every story. I get it. Sometimes lines get blurred with regulars. The fact that you knew enough about her personal situation to even consider breaking things off because it felt weird means that boundaries were blurred, at best. And it isn't anyone's "fault," but it is a recipe for the clusterfuck outlined above (and in a few other threads this week). When people keep things professional on both ends, clusterfucks are less likely to occur.

But whatever. YOLO and chemistry and we've all been there. Sometimes really awesome friendships and fuck-buddyships and whateverships are formed out of blurred lines...which is why people keep fucking doing it. Be grateful you weren't the dude who got roofied before a double could start.

And yeah, if someone is shuffling around family and RW work and setting up a shared incall and driving across town in this motherfucking heat to just be cancelled on and lose $400-$480, she'll be pissed.

I’m not talking. Don’t assume this is a lady about whom I have published a review. I don’t think this provider is “bat-shit crazy” -- and if that’s “code” for SDR, it wasn’t her. She’s a sweetheart.
Originally Posted by The Allnighter

Uuuuuum ok. Speaking of assumptions.... I don't want to do that so I will just flat out ask: Who said all that about SDR (certainly not me)?? Are you referring to the guys who pm ed you or me who only said BSC in reference to your anonymous cautionary tale character?

Also, why wouldn't you think the provider you ARE talking about isn't BSC?
I guess it's a matter of opinion. Mine is that she (the anonymous cautionary tale character, not SDR, or anyone else since I don't know who this is about) is BSC.

Furthrrmore, imho you are doing a disservice to give the details of the problem and not saying who she is (just room for more assumptions). Perhapes it's better to just let someone else go through the same thing. Idk!

I have elected not to name the provider in question here because this isn't about singling her out, or cautioning others about her -- it's about "How do I become a more competent hobbyist?"

The circumstances which gave rise to this "clusterfuck" (to borrow Jenns' technical term) were so specific that it's probably a one-off occurrence. I don't see how this warrants an "alert" on the provider.

I posted because I've been mulling over my behavior, and debating "I shoulda done this...no, I shoulda done that..." and going around in circles.

That's the problem with being a newb -- you're at a loss as to how to handle a new situation when it comes up. Where's SL when I need him??

Jas, my statement about SDR was in response to PM's I received from some guys on the Board -- not anything you said.

...And Jenns, I think you hit the nail on the head...

They already had things set up and he was on his way. True. However, at what point do you think it's ok to walk when the provider starts upselling? Originally Posted by Gamer

At the very moment she changes a single term.

or at any moment you begin to feel uncomfortable or concerned for the outcome.

The only one with an obligation is the professional in the transaction.

Ha. Sounds like she got greedy. Most would take 400 over 0 any day but hey, you live and learn. You shouldn't feel bad about how this went down. It's her loss.

Dayum, Allnighter.. You really didn't have any good choices.

One fear that I would have about breaking off a hobby relationship in which emotional lines were blurred would be about how the lady would retaliate at the loss of income or personal rejection.

If I just walked away in your original example, how long would I have before the ladies' sections and client blacklist sites are blown up with reports of how horrible I treated her, how I have bumps on my cawk, etc, etc..?

If I didn't have to worry about the fallout from the lady's retaliation, then the main thing to determine is how much I value the relationship with the lady in question.

This lady's probably pretty special to you if you're putting this much thought into it, but she's already got a RW b/f. Back off before the drama gets deeper, and don't beat yourself up about your choices in the matter. You tried your best by her, and she still treated you like an ATM machine. That's what I took away from your OP.

First and foremost, this IS NOT directed at AllNighter or anyone else directly. Just my personal views on the subject and how to avoid the issue if it all possible. Period. The End. DO NOT READ ANYTHING MORE INTO IT. I also posted this in Dodger's thread as well but a portion of it is applicable here...

OK. Here goes - Observations From One Year In The Game:

1) First and foremost, good TCB and effective communication from the very outset are the key to your happiness. Think of it like the basics of writing a journalistic article: WHO (is the provider), WHAT (do you desire specifically), WHY (this one is simple...), WHEN (set a time and be ready then), WHERE (this is gonna vary due to safety / LE concerns - but its hard to be on time if you don't know where to go...) and, I cannot stress this enough, HOW MUCH is the donation.

2) Lets spend a few minutes on the HOW MUCH portion of the above PRE-GAME TCB REQUIREMENTS, as I have noticed that there has been a little confusion lately with regards to what is proper etiquette and the contractual obligations..... and yes, it is a contract between client and provider. Now, so that there is no confusion in the future, UNLESS YOU HAVE IT IN FUCKING WRITING FROM THE PROVIDER THAT YOU GET A SPECIAL DISCOUNTED RATE FOR ETERNITY, YOU PAY THE ECCIE ADVERTISED RATE IN THE PROVIDER'S SHOWCASE, ThreAD, Weekly Ad, SNATCH THREAD, of WEEKEND LINEUP post EACH AND EVERY TIME. And I'll add this, make sure that you fucking ask / verify if "pursuant to your SNATCH post, it will be "$X" for the desired individual session?" This really will save us all a lot of headaches.

If you have an alternate agreement / arrangement, as some regulars have with their providers, GET IT IN WRITING. None of us here are special..... WE ARE CLIENTS FIRST. Whatever else may develop is secondary to that basic relationship principle. If either client or the provider wish that to change, one will breach the subject to the other, but do not get all pissy and butt hurt if you "put your heart out there" or extend the "friendship invitation" and get rebuffed. We all have private lives and such are not required to be shared with anyone.

Now lets talk about specials and discounts. If you are fortunate enough, for whatever reason, to be graced with a discounted rate or have another arrangement with a provider, MAKE SURE THAT BOTH CLIENT AND PROVIDER ARE ON THE SAME EXACT PAGE with regard to that arrangement. As such, these questions need to be addressed: 1) Is this special rate for this session only? , 2) for a review special?, 3) do I always get this rate from here on out?, 4) do I get this rate only if I see you "X" number of times per month, 5) If I pay a monthly rate (SD/SB arrangement) what do I get and what are your obligations, 6) are there any additional amounts that I'd need to cover - incall location use, hotel rooms for an afternoon tryst, etc...., 7) and anything else that comes up regarding the basis of the bargain ("the deal") going forward.

I realize that this can be a somewhat uncomfortable conversation, especially if you are a newbie or relatively new, but IT MUST OCCUR - and not just the first meeting. If you see a provider more than twice, it is an evolving relationship and this conversation must occur frequently to ensure that all are on the same page. I'm not just preaching at the clients here - Ladies, its your business and you are responsible for clearly and effectively communicating the terms of the transaction(s) / relationship with the client - DO NOT THINK IT RUDE OR THAT ITS A MOOD KILLER - we are all here and understand the symbiotic relationship between the parties. I always think that this is best done by PM, right from the initial onset of communication that way everyone understands and everyone can keep a copy. And remember, this should all be TCB items addressed before any BCD occurs.

If I cancel within 24 hours of a session, my personal policy is that I pay the lady the agreed upon donation for the cancelled session as soon as I can. You would be amazed how many times that that simple act has led to amazing benefits and respect earned from the provider..... It automatically makes you a "stand up, solid guy". And since ladies talk.....it will pay you future dividends as well if a provider mentions in infoshare that "he was a complete gentleman, had to cancel, but paid me my donation anyways".....I promise after that you can probably see anyone you want to. And, as happened to me, the provider was graceful enough to allow me to see her the next time for free..... Kill em' with kindness! The NillaNice Motto....

-Nilla (provider of 4" of cold hard steel....if you get it, you got it)

You must really like this girl to 1) pay $400/hour and 2) to reimburse for her expenses/incidentals that are a part of the hobby. Of course, now that she told you to "eat shit and die" I hope you understand where you stood in this relationship, right behind your money.

No money = no love.

After making the decision to not see her again there was no reason to be concerned for how you would be perceived by her. Others only care about your money as well.

@PlainVanilla => Man you work way too hard at trying to get laid. It's much easier than you think. Give it some time and as special as you THINK you are you will come to find that you get nothing you are not paying for and are replaceable.

Allnighter, this was an interesting read.
It is all about contracts here. Because documentation is an enemy of the hobby it often ends in a he said/ she said argument. You technically were in default of the contract when you bailed. I would have continued with the session, but not paid any non-negotiated surcharges. If you had prepaid and she had bailed, what would you think an adequate remedy would be? Probably service in full. I know the Eccie code says that provider is always wrong, but a gentleman knows what is honorable.

Allnighter, this was an interesting read.
It is all about contracts here. Because documentation is an enemy of the hobby it often ends in a he said/ she said argument. You technically were in default of the contract when you bailed. I would have continued with the session, but not paid any non-negotiated surcharges. If you had prepaid and she had bailed, what would you think an adequate remedy would be? Probably service in full. I know the Eccie code says that provider is always wrong, but a gentleman knows what is honorable. Originally Posted by Mr Peabody

+1 Mr. P!