A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mum" the boy asks "What's a pussy?"
The mother being startled by this thinks quickly and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a pussy".
The son then asks "What's a bitch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a bitch".
The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a pussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says "Son, this is a pussy!"
The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a bitch?"
The dad replies "That's everything outside the circle!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.
No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her.
"I couldn't do that" he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar" she whispered back "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake him up now".
"I can't believe that" Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?" "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him".
Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her.
When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's asshole hairs.
The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sends her husband to a therapist who winds up treating him with self-hypnosis. To her joy, everything gets much better. However, she can't help but notice that each night, just before their lovemaking, the husband dashes out to the bathroom for several minutes. This torments her until finally, one night, she follows him. There, in front of the mirror, she finds him applying this therapeutic technique "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife".
----------------------------------------------------------------
On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed. When her husband wasn't shortly behind her, she got up and went looking for him - and found that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. She asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her. "I thought you realized" he replied. "It's Lent". "What?!" she shrieked, almost in tears. "Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" "Well, you asked, and that's the answer" he said, going back to his book. "But..." she said "Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Three guys are debating who has the best memory. First guy says "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class". Second guy says "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone, the third guy says "Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother".
----------------------------------------------------------------
A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch.
After an examination, the doctor sighs "I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?" "Yeah, it's really bad whenever it rains" she replies. "Well, then" says the Doc "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it".
Two weeks later, it's raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office. "Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help me!!" "Well, let's have a look" he says, as he lifts her up onto the table. "Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am, this won't hurt a bit".
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that". She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims "That's great, Doc, what did you do?"
"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots".
