I AM NOT A SMART MAN...PROVIDERS, HELP!

The civilain ladies/war analogy blows my mind!!!

"Cheating" implies a certain level of dishonesty. I think what most ladies are trying to say is that when a SO is aware of her occupation and has no problem with it, there is no 'cheating' because there is open and honest communication as opposed to any lying or deception. If, however no money is exchanged, that is when the fine line is crossed between business and cheating.

Longer to respond specifically to your point that having any kind of sex is cheating, you couldn't possibly be more wrong. It is more accurate to say that if *your* SO has sex with anyone else - male or female - that is cheating, period. And there is nothing wrong with that. Presumably your relationship expectation is that you will each remain monogamous to one another, and failure on either part to do is cheating. Nothing at all wrong with that. Most people would agree with that sentiment.

However, not all of us are wired that way. I've always sucked at relationships because monogamy is quite simply, something I have no interest in. The majority of my relationships generally entailed some amount of swinging, and my SO's were all perfectly OK with that. To be honest, if an SO wasn't ok with swinging, our relationship tended to be very short lived. This is one of the reasons why I believe I am perfectly suited to escorting. I simply love variety, and no matter how much I care for a man, the desire for variety doesn't change. So does that make me a cheater? I don't believe so. Never once have I snuck around behind a man's back to fool around with someone else without his knowledge.

Furthermore, since I am the one that prefers this lifestyle, am I being used if my SO (I do not have one, and am not really interested in finding one at the moment) is aware that I am a provider and is ok with it? Is he using me if we attend swing parties together? Again, I don't think so since I was a swinger for many years, have now escorted for many years, and don't need a relationship to love what I do and continue doing it.

Longer your beliefs probably hold true for the majority of the population, but we aren't all wired to place a premium on monogamy, or view a lack of monogamy as a negative.

Equation: You seem to be surprised by the idea that even though we enjoyed our time with you, it is still only business in our eyes. Well, for 90% of the population just doing business is a negative not a positive. No one wakes up in the morning eager and excited to go to work. Or at least, very few among us do. That is the joy of this occupation though. I love my business. When I have to take time away, like last month when I went out of town for a week to welcome my sister home from Iraq, after a few days I couldn't WAIT to get home and get back to work. So yes, it is just business. But that doesn't mean we can't love what we do

As open-minded as I am- having a relationship with my so as a provider would be impossible. Even if the money was good it could never be enough. I don't buy that business is business crap. I do believe that it's possible to have a 'True Romance' situation- though that would entail leaving the business altogether. So I don't think it would be cheating since it's not a valid relationship to begin with. Those that believe they truly have a relationship with a provider are either lying to themselves or not facing reality. **

To each his/her own, it's that simple, as long as it's honest.

Saw the same Lady who worked from her home for over 5 years, Nice middle class neighborhood, House was immaculate, She kept a room just to do business in. her hubby was completely good with it. They had a completely open relationship.
She explained matter of factly ...If sex is the most impotant thing in there relationship they probably should not be together...!

I totally agree that sex isn't everything, and if they are happy with it then who am I do judge? I just really think it would be impossible to be happy in that situation.

Ever wonder why some providers don't allow DFK or DATY? This is why. Originally Posted by KCQuestor

I would allow DFK but too many fellas don't understand the concept of brushing your teeth/tongue/flossing and using mouth wash. In all my hobbying, maybe 1 or 2 fellas had nice breath. Men just have different smells then women. Now DATY/DATO I allow that because it's nothing but pleasure for me, without having to smell anything.

A lot of people like to break things down into categories of activities that are off limits... and I think this is an error in thinking here when it comes to this subject. Cheating (in general) is going outside the relationship to get something you should be getting inside the relationship... and, doing something you would not do if your significant other were standing right there.

When I was in a relationship with a provider, I knew about what she did and accepted her independence and desire to make a living in what way she saw fit. Having previously done porn (both in front of and behind the camera) I am less judgemental about such things. Sex is sex to me and nothing more.

Having said that... if I were to have seen a provider during that time frame she would have been PISSSSED! Just because I was open minded and understanding about her needs to make money, didn't mean she was just as understanding in my needs/desires. It leads one to wonder if you're getting paid to do it means it isn't cheating... does paying for it mean you're not cheating either? In her case... she thought not. I flipped it back to her with, "you see MARRIED men everyday and have no problem with that... to you it is okay. I'm not married to you at all, how is what I'm doing any worse?"

Logic is not a good defense when dealing with an angry lady.

I think Allie is on it in the "lifestyle" description.

Makes sense, sounds like Allie and how she thinks and all benefit as she has it figured out for herself.

No wait honey, it's not really cheating! I bought her dinner and paid for the room!

Cheating implies breaking rules. I'm assuming that some of the rules providers operate under differ than the rules of a more "normal" relationship that has roots in the Judeo-Christian interpretation of monogamy with your partner as being sacrosanct. I would imagine any relationship in which a provider is openly providing and the SO knows about it would fall outside that definition, therefore would be subject to different rules.

That being said, I have had issues with a girl telling me she doesn't kiss because she saves that "for her man", but will basically do everything else, including CIM. I understand the different relationship mindset. But I guess I don't understand how "kissing" is special, but swallowing my manhood and his juices isn't. Maybe it's me....

If a provider is in a relationship and the partner knows what they do for a living then its not "cheating" as long as they are honest and open. of course if she was to start seeing the client for free, then its no longer just business and that would be cheating. several years ago i was asked to go on an out of town trip and i was in a relationship. the guy was going to pay for hotel, airline ticket and dinners only. i did not go, to me that would have been cheating since thats what my boyfriend would have paid for on one of our vacations.

Interesting thread. I consider what I am doing "hobbying" as cheating on my SO. I, like all other hobbyist, have my reasons for doing what I do. IMO if a provider has a SO that is not aware of her profession then that is cheating. If he is aware and condones it then it is not. It's similar to an open marriage. My opinion is to each their own.
I don't judge providers and they don't judge me. That's why this "business" relationship works.

If a provider is in a relationship and the partner knows what they do for a living then its not "cheating" as long as they are honest and open. of course if she was to start seeing the client for free, then its no longer just business and that would be cheating. Originally Posted by stacy in kc

I agree with the first part Stacy, but I think that the second part about seeing someone for free may not necessarily be cheating. I think that it depends on the ground rules that they set and agreed upon. Cheating is when you break those rules. If a provider is also a swinger, I could certainly see where those lines could easily change back and forth but yet because of the openness of the relationship, encounters that met the criteria wouldn't be considered cheating.