Being honest about the hobby. When is it okay? Or should you?

I doubt he is hurt. But then again, I have NO CLUE what goes on in his mind. He was a a GREAT lay and if he wasn't such a A HOLE, I would have kept screwing him as much as he wanted. It was great stuff! But the ego was the deal killer.

But boy, he sure is using the fact that I provide now as something as a verbal butt kicking.
Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

You were never in a committed relationship? Check
Was not and would never be a committed relationship? Check
He was an asshole? Check
His ego was a deal killer? Check
You now have confirmation that he's an even bigger asshole? Check
His ego has now gone supernova? Check
And for proof he's threatening to expose you even to your son? Check

Do you really need question your decision not to tell him to begin with?

What needs to happen to him should he do any of what he says is this:

kaylee, at least the sex was good while it lasted.

i agree w/ what everyone else as said.
as long as it was FWB or whatever you want to call it, you were in your right to not disclose everything about yourself to him [including finances, family matters, etc.].

you asked "Is it okay for a ex lover to try to use the fact you are the hobby as a source to hurt you?"
NO, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!
it is NOT okay for anyone to act in a vengeful, vindictive, negative, hurtful, or violent way against anybody. unfortunately, it happens all the time - always has since the beginning of time and always will. but we need to stand up against it!!

in my opinion, that he is reacting the way he is now is just further proof that he is an asshole who only knows how to communicate by not thinking things thru and just being a vengeful and/or vindictive asshole.

i am really sorry that you are having to go thru this.
and hopefully you will get thru this episode sooner rather than later.


wrt italiana's comment about good lays and nice guys. [her other comments are right on!!]
a woman friend of mine told her girlfriend "you got the last good one : responsible and loves to party."
sometimes nice guy and good lay are not mutually exclusive.
and sometimes nice guy and pretty good lay are very possible.
but you can always ask!!!

Even if you was in a relationship with him I still don't feel it would have been in your best interest to tell him so IMO you did what you should.

ALL the good lays are always ASSHOLES. Ive never found (in civi land) a nice guy who was glorious in bed. They get you hooked (on the D') and then turn into a big f'ing asshole. Originally Posted by ItalianaPrincess

When not in the hobby I like to think I am a good lay and not an ass hole but then again I guess all men like to think they are a good lay. LOL...

I guess I am not in the good lay category.

I guess I am not in the good lay category. Originally Posted by chester

Take heart friend, I may have the answer...

Secondly, ALL the good lays are always ASSHOLES. Ive never found (in civi land) a nice guy who was glorious in bed. They get you hooked (on the D') and then turn into a big f'ing asshole. IPrincess

So then it seems we nice guys should perhaps morph into 'little f'ing assholes' and become good lays

(In civi land) ---> not in hobbyland!

Hell, I've had better lovers in the hobby, but most of them have that little shiny thing on their finger -!

(In civi land) ---> not in hobbyland!

Hell, I've had better lovers in the hobby, but most of them have that little shiny thing on their finger -! Originally Posted by ItalianaPrincess

Even though I am married I don't have a shiny thing on my finger so I guess that makes me golden then. LOL...

Talk about a hijack! LOL

But I do agree, some of the best lovers I've had has been in the hobby. And not to mention, some of the best looking ones too. It's funny how people in the civil world think that this profession is just a bunch of dope head chick and guys how has to pay for kitty. Boy, that is far from the truth!

Thanks for you take on this subject. It has really worked on me in more ways then one. It is good to know that I'm not the only one who feels just because you are screwing someone means you should tell them the truth about the hobby.

Maybe you should start screwing him again long enough to workout a truce. He may respond to that type of negotiation. You just want him off your case.

Maybe you should start screwing him again long enough to workout a truce. He may respond to that type of negotiation. You just want him off your case. Originally Posted by whitechocolate

IMHO.... doubtful. I imagine he would become even more egotistical. Stretching things a bit, you could call it borderline rape or at least blackmail. If she didn't do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it... he blows up. If it's not as good as he wanted it, he blows up. Whatever loathing is already there would have to be building up and to keep servicing him....wow.

I'd hate our dear Kaylee to one day look up into that sneering face as he presents his all meat wiener to her mouth and she just has to take a bite.

Kaylee I would date you in a heartbeat.

Look, if a guy can't handle you as you are, then he is not worth your time and attention.

Wow, looks like I missed out on this one. Kaylee first off love the new avaitar, and second I too would date you in a heartbeat. Also just had to say how sorry I am about the hard time you are going through over this.
~
Yeah I know I'm a nice guy with a small dick who has to pay for it to get it --lol. But hey I really would love to have a FWB or hell even just friends with my top 3 ATF's.

There is always risk involved in getting into any type of relationship. Whether you admit it or not, you were in a relationship. You both provided each other mutual satisfaction and comfort at some level. That being said, you were not in a "committed relationship" and didn't owe him any information about what you did with your time when you weren't with him. People who think they can bed each other and NOT get some kind of emotional attachment are fooling themselves. Sex is one of the most intimate acts a person can engage in and thus, even casual sex will result in some emotional connection, even if those emotions aren't what you would normally classify as "love". He's not right for hurting you but you take a risk every time you let someone into your life, even a little bit. You didn't ask what to do about this particular guy so I'll return to the subject. You didn't owe him any information based on your mutual understanding of your relationship.

Just goes to show you that there's no such thing as free dick.....

I saw where the word "ego" was mentioned a couple of times by you so he's probably pissed at you daring to end the FWB "relationship."

Regarding the topic of the thread, I can't see what could have been gained by you mentioning that you were a provider unless you wanted him to know that you were giving him what others were willing to pay for. Since you mentioned that there was a downside to revealing your hobby connection, i.e. him bringing it up frequently to bash you, then there's more justification of not telling him.

Anyhow, it's bad for you that the situation has degraded to this point. You seem to be a pretty tough person (judging from some previous posts I haved read) so you will get through this even though you certainly will not enjoy the ride.

There is never a one size fits all answer to human relationships. Everyone is unique, couples are unique squared, the variables are uncountable, unknowable, and unpredictable.

The ONLY way to be absolutely sure the hobby won't affect a civilian relationship is to never be a part of the hobby.