Pirate Walked Into A Bar

sympleman's Avatar
A little boy with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate for Halloween.

At the first house a woman opens the door, and the boy says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?"

The woman looks at him and says, "My, aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?"

The boy gets angry: "On the side of my buckin head, you buckin idiot."

Sympy.
O'Mike's Avatar
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!