If you passed today, would you leave behind a huge mess?

I regularly am in complete agreement with TinMan and Iaintliein, regardless of thread topic. Odd to find you two in different schools of thought.

Interesting though, because the topic speaks to our SO relationships and how we view them; while also, it speaks to who we are, as men, concerning our death, aftermath, and how we view all that.

My take would be to imagine how you would want things to go, if you were to 'kick it' unexpectedly, both in your affairs and relationships. Then, take the necessary steps to make that vision occur.

Legal: SJon would be better for this, but wills, living wills, resuscitation orders, etc.
Financial: life insurance, burial expenses & plot planning, plans for the family, trusts, etc.
Personal: "beard" arrangement, last thoughts to others, info. control, damage control, etc.

You can be a risk-taker, as we all are, and still be prepared and take care of your business. It aint no guilt trip Iaintliein, just complete planning. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Good thread OP!

I have a Living Will with plans detailed to toast me like a Viking on my antique bed with a Hellacious Irish wake following, life insurance to pay for the party and take care of my chihuahuas, and I did have a "beard" ready to crash my websites, take down all my ads, and inform ECCIE, P411, and my gentleman friends of my demise, but I need to ask that favor of another person, now. You have to really know and trust someone to do that, because you'll have to give them your passwords. Might just have to leave instructions with my lawyer.

Interesting topic....

I don't think it would matter in the end. People are not perfect and everyone has their little secrets that come out after taking their last breath.

While its something a concern, the mess you leave others after you are dead... if its that much of a concern, you shouldn't be doing it while living.

I have a will, and update a cheat sheet with accounts and passcodes etc and have that with insurance policies etc as well as a 'contact list' should something happen. Not all my friends know each other and I have met folks all over the country that I would want notified. From a financial or estate aspect I am covered as best as I can be.

Not to get into a moral debate, but if you have to cover your tracks to protect those you 'care' for after your dead for their benefit or save them from being embarassed or humiliated, it should probably not be something you should be doing while alive for the exact same reasons.

I mean what's worse? Doing it while alive and getting away with it keeping them ignorant or them finding out after you have died? I think they are both problematic and neither is better than the other they are just different aspects of the same lie.

The only difference is you don't have to face the music personally if you die and they find out. A case can be made for ignorance is bliss... but in this case its really ignorance is bliss for the one living and doing those activities more than it is for the ones that would be left behind. Keeping them ignorant while living serves the person doing it, not them. After death, that dynamic changes the balance but either way its still fucked up.

Life is a series of choices.. some good and some bad and no one is perfect so its better to be true to yourself and the ones you love and care for while living than doing it after your dead.... because once your dead its too late and really doesn't matter. Legacy only matters if its a honest and true account of how we lived otherwise its just a continuation of the fraud we put out while alive, after we have passed.

I can't remember who said it... but I remember a quote I read once...

"Remember me the way I want you to remember me and how you think I should be remembered... now how I actually lived."

Being the imperfect people we are, that's usually how we prefer things to be. But we really should strive for living how we want to be remembered.

If everyone that shouldn't be doing this quit, you'd have a bunch of starving women looking for another way to make a living.

Interesting topic....

I don't think it would matter in the end. People are not perfect and everyone has their little secrets that come out after taking their last breath.

While its something a concern, the mess you leave others after you are dead... if its that much of a concern, you shouldn't be doing it while living.

I have a will, and update a cheat sheet with accounts and passcodes etc and have that with insurance policies etc as well as a 'contact list' should something happen. Not all my friends know each other and I have met folks all over the country that I would want notified. From a financial or estate aspect I am covered as best as I can be.

Not to get into a moral debate, but if you have to cover your tracks to protect those you 'care' for after your dead for their benefit or save them from being embarassed or humiliated, it should probably not be something you should be doing while alive for the exact same reasons.

I mean what's worse? Doing it while alive and getting away with it keeping them ignorant or them finding out after you have died? I think they are both problematic and neither is better than the other they are just different aspects of the same lie.

The only difference is you don't have to face the music personally if you die and they find out. A case can be made for ignorance is bliss... but in this case its really ignorance is bliss for the one living and doing those activities more than it is for the ones that would be left behind. Keeping them ignorant while living serves the person doing it, not them. After death, that dynamic changes the balance but either way its still fucked up.

Life is a series of choices.. some good and some bad and no one is perfect so its better to be true to yourself and the ones you love and care for while living than doing it after your dead.... because once your dead its too late and really doesn't matter. Legacy only matters if its a honest and true account of how we lived otherwise its just a continuation of the fraud we put out while alive, after we have passed.

I can't remember who said it... but I remember a quote I read once...

"Remember me the way I want you to remember me and how you think I should be remembered... now how I actually lived." Originally Posted by TexasDave555

What he said.

I'm not terribly worried about any embarrassment anyone who is related to me or knows me personally may feel after I pass. I chose my life and accepted the consequences. I've never posted a public photo anywhere tawdry enough to embarrass ME or couldn't be explained as "art" or "modeling." (No "horse auction" shots of spread you-know-what.) I'm just anal (no, not Greek anal) about wrapping up loose ends. It bothers me to think about leaving a presence on the net as if I'm still around yet not be part of this reality anymore, and I think it polite to shut down my business and inform people so they won't wonder what happened.

No spouse, no kids. WHO"S GOING TO FEED MY DOGS?

If everyone that shouldn't be doing this quit, you'd have a bunch of starving women looking for another way to make a living. Originally Posted by TinMan

So its the economic humanitarianism that wins out! Gotcha

Nah... plenty would still do it. They should just 'own' it and realize that this kind of thing is for their benefit and not try to pass it off as a protection of those they claim to care about. Narcissism does not account for that tho.... by definition or practice.

In a perfect world of course, which we do not live in.

FIH...

I can understand the desire to let folks know what happened. We do touch each other in this thing of ours in many ways. Some shallow, some more substantial... so that makes perfect sense.

In the UK series "Coupling", the pilot episode brought up the term "porn buddy". This is a person whom you trust to remove all objectionable materials once you have died before any relatives could find it.

May be we need to have a "hobby buddy"? This person would be responsible for discarding any incriminating evidence, such as, hobby phone, email accounts, incriminating photos, etc.

No spouse, no kids. WHO"S GOING TO FEED MY DOGS? Originally Posted by boomvang

What kind? If they won't eat the chihuahuas, I'll take 'em and/or find them a good home together.

I worry about that, myself. Whoever keeps my pups, keeps all my stuff, house, car, and life insurance money. If nobody's left in the family, all goes to the Best Friends Animal Society Sanctuary. (May all go there anyway once my geriatric chihuahuas cross the Rainbow Bridge.)

In the UK series "Coupling", the pilot episode brought up the term "porn buddy". This is a person whom you trust to remove all objectionable materials once you have died before any relatives could find it.

May be we need to have a "hobby buddy"? This person would be responsible for discarding any incriminating evidence, such as, hobby phone, email accounts, incriminating photos, etc. Originally Posted by S-Man

Exactly...we refer to this person (in the hobby) as the 'Beard'

I really wouldn't mind at all if the ladies I'd seen in my hobby career showed up en masse at the funeral: "Hey, can you believe it? Roaringfork actually had sex with dozens of real live women!"

I actually wouldn't mind at all if the ladies I'd seen in my hobby career showed up en masse at the funeral: "Hey, can you believe it? Roaringfork actually had sex with dozens of real live women!" Originally Posted by roaringfork

My buddies would call bullshit.lol

No mess for me -updated will and HCPA in place, insured for $xxxMM+, little debt, kids college funded, she is gainfully employed and very successful.... frankly she and her next husband would probably have a really cushy life LOL

what little I do on the side, is, she says, of little concern to her - my tracks are pretty well covered anyways, based upon my expertise in the data and technology fields.... that said, EVERYTHING is ultimately discoverable... but the relevance thereof is what is key (IMHO of course)

Be like James Bond. A secret agent

Couple months back I had to sneak in and "purge" a computer of a friend who passed. The last thing his family needed to see were the photos and videos he had downloaded on his computer.

if you use a Yahoo email for all hobby stuff, after you fail to log in for I think 90 days it goes into an inactive status and unless they can answer questions it stays inactive.

BUT clearing cache and not saving passwords and bookmarks is important. Turning off quickfill.

Things that any married guy should do is what anyone else who would not want their family to learn about what you do in this hobby.

I really wouldn't mind at all if the ladies I'd seen in my hobby career showed up en masse at the funeral: "Hey, can you believe it? Roaringfork actually had sex with dozens of real live women!" Originally Posted by roaringfork

madddog's service was memorable due to the number of single hotties showing up to pay their respects.......