When a regular no longer is, or can be, your regular

Taking advantage of my time is the worse, I hate that the most. If I say "Sorry I have to get ready for someone" they pull the "You said you aren't high volume, I thought I was special" card. I take 2 hours to get ready unless I am all fresh sitting around dolled up texting with nothing else to so which is rare. I also like to get cleaned up and start my process all over with hair and makeup even if I don't have someone scheduled for later ( I can't even go to the grocery store without my makeup perfect). I can't get ready with a regular up my ass. I explain that they either need to tip me a lot, book multi hours, or leave and text me and I will get back to them when I can.
Everyone that has seen me knows I am by no means a clock watcher but I become one when someone constantly abuses my extra 10-20 minutes for pillow talk/clean up/extended play and expects the extra time every time.

it was more difficult, when I started the hobby, it was difficult NOT to let attachment develop with a really good provider. To me a really good provider can make you believe. I have matured more and realize that this is fun, and I enjoy exploring and developing my sexuality. I have managed to do one long date (6hours), and had an awesome duo as of late. I am at the point where my favorites, we can call ourselves friends, nothing more. I might even accept a johnny-do list LOL. However I am still paying friends of course, as that is line not to be crossed. I sort have a policy, where the max I will see same person no more than twice per month to keep the engines cool. Originally Posted by lostforkate

LFK, I think this is a great method!! However, everyone has different financial situations. Keep in mind many gents can't afford to hobby 2 X or more per month. Some only hobby 1 X per month, or even less than that. So you are very lucky in that respect, you have the option of having a few different experiences a month. But some men can only afford to meet 1 time once in awhile, so when they meet someone they really, really like, they stick to her only instead of risking their hobby dollar on someone they might not mesh with. Whether you have an ATF or meet several ladies, I think it's great to try to seperate NSA from a commitment type based relationship. Use whatever methods you have to. And like I said I love having regulars, I just don't like it when lines get blurred because then problems happen.

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby.

People are crazy. People have their own agendas. I can't imagine trying to have a relationship with a provider beyond the basic point of it being a business transaction.

Trying to start something "real" on a foundation as dicey as the hobby is a recipe for hurt and or disaster in my book.

I think you are wise to dismiss any regular you don't wish to deal with.

My .02 Originally Posted by Maximum4

There it is, in a nutshell. Very well said.

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby. Originally Posted by Doove

100% absolutely true!!! Very insightful post.
I have made solid friendships, I know 100% that if something tragic happened I could turn to a very tight handful of Gents to be there for me under any and every circumstance.
My grandmother was my absolute everything in the world I was extremely close with her and had a bond stronger than words could describe. I was on a week long trip and it was my 2nd night in town. My grandma was the only number in my phone set to come through even on silent. A close regular was over, it rang, he told me to take the call, I answered and it wasn't my grandma... it was my parents telling me she just passed away. I dropped to my knees crying and then passed out instantly. He could have robbed me and done terrible things to me ... he didn't, he helped me up and calmed me down. He went to the bank near my hotel and withdrew a large amount of money and gave it to me, I kept refusing and telling him no thank you he told me it should cover my entire trip, time for me to take time off, and flowers for her funeral. He said I had to go home to my family that night then offered to drive me the 4 hours home and rent a car to drive himself back. He literally expected nothing in return at all. People can joke about us just being hookers and tricks and how everything is superficial but that simply isn't true, real friendships do form.

The guy that did that for Lexxxy is a keeper. Sweet guys are hard to find and rarely appreciated. I hope you do appreciate him. Im still waiting for a woman to appreciate what I do for them even when they are not looking. Not even my spouse does..

I know that there have been many threads pertaining to having a regular. I apologize if this has been discussed before, I've only been participating in the boards for about a month now. Anyway, my question is, what would constitute ending a courtship with a regular? Either with a provider or a hobbyists? Unfortunitely, I've had to tell a couple regulars I could no longer see them, the reasons were various in nature, but it's never an easy thing to do. Some were becoming a little too attached and jelouse, some started to abuse my time to the extreme (example) paying for 1 hour but expecting an overnight, some started to hassle me for BBFS, some invaded my privacy and wanted to know my addresse and other personal details, and one gent did an illegal substance around me. Out of all of these circumstances, I've only had one regular get angry when I told him I could no longer see him. The rest took it in stride, they were mature about it. And frankly, I'm surprised. So what have your experiences been like? Guys, did you have a regular provider but had to end things? What was the reason? Ladies, what about you? What have been your experiences in the past? Having a regular is great. But what about when you can no longer see that regular? How does it end? What is the best thing to say? Did you lie, or did you tell the truth? My curious mind wants to know what y'all have to say. Luv, T Originally Posted by Tatiana M.

Welcome!

I wouldn't say I've ever had "a regular" - I tend to prefer to sample, versus always going to the same girl - but I have had providers that I've had to stop seeing in one sense or another.

I was on vacation out of town, made arrangements with one BP girl, and it was obvious from about 5 minutes into her arriving that we connected, and we were both very attracted to each other. For me, it was fireworks and stars and every other metaphor for instantly connecting intensely with someone. Yes, I know women are being paid to pretend to be interested, but either she really sold me and was AN AMAZING actress, or it was legit. Trust me, shit went down between us that clearly indicated she was as into me as I was into her.

She agreed to two consecutive overnights (at very, very cheap rates, which I took to mean "I need to make money, but I genuinely want to see you as well), and we spent considerable non-sexual time together outside of the paid time over the next couple days.

We exchanged contact info and kept in touch after I left town. She then offered to make a very long trip for several days to see me. I asked her if it was paid time, or a social visit. She said she needed to get paid, but gave me a crazy cheap price for what was being offered. I had to tell her that I would love to see her, but I was developing feelings and was genuinely attracted to her, and at that point I needed to not be paying for her time. If she wanted to come visit me, I would love to see her, but it needed to be because she wanted to see ME, not because I was paying.

We still talk and keep in touch, but I haven't paid to see her since that initial two day meeting. For me, hobbying is fun, sexual, an adventure. It's not a place to get your regular sexual or emotional needs met. Once it moves into that realm, for me, either the relationship has to transition into something different than provider/client, or I need to stop seeing her. Originally Posted by oliassunhillow

IMHO it sounds like she offered great deals to a preferred client rather than a prospective emotional relationship.

Great questions Tat.

From my prospective I like the idea of a more regular relationship with a provider than jumping around from one to another. Over the years with this hobby I have found there are three types of reactions after leaving an appointment. 1) I wish I could have that hour of my life and the $$ back again! 2) That was pretty good and I might want to see her again. 3) That was awesome and I can't wait to see her again!

For me anyway it just makes more sense to become a regular with the #3 type than to keep bouncing around with the 1's and 2's plus I like the comfort level that familiarity brings.

Obviously these are "fantasy dates" and you always have to keep that in mind but you make some really good points.

Jealousy - Remember the "Fantasy Date" part.....she has many other clients, you are not the only one with a fantasy.

Attachment - Again..."Fantasy Date" With familiarity comes comfort and possibly a genuine feeling of liking the other person but know where the lines are and don't cross them.

Personal Questions - Know where the lines are and don't cross them. Everyone needs a level of discretion and separation from their hobby and personal lives.

Expecting extras - That is a question of respect..... Originally Posted by cny6969

The anger for spending cash on the hobby is quite common. It is comparable to managing the finances at home. Would you do it again? Perhaps and depending.....

People are crazy. People have their own agendas. I can't imagine trying to have a relationship with a provider beyond the basic point of it being a business transaction.

Trying to start something "real" on a foundation as dicey as the hobby is a recipe for hurt and or disaster in my book.

I think you are wise to dismiss any regular you don't wish to deal with.

My .02 Originally Posted by Maximum4

Absolutely dismiss if you wish, on both parties!!

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby. Originally Posted by Doove

And the friendship is formed through the hobby, so it may have limitations...

The guy that did that for Lexxxy is a keeper. Sweet guys are hard to find and rarely appreciated. I hope you do appreciate him. Im still waiting for a woman to appreciate what I do for them even when they are not looking. Not even my spouse does.. Originally Posted by Reincarnated

Nice is nice. Motives are motives. Let's hope it was altruistic and they visit again!

I do try my best to stay on course. BBFS, illegal substances and trying to pry into my personal life are all reasons to end the fun. I just think that safety needs to come first before anything else. It upsets me to know that providers will stop trying once they think they "got" you. Personally, if a regular is respectful, fun, enjoyable and sane, he should be rewarded with a little extra time, not the opposite. of course, a little "extra time" shouldn't be misconstrued to be an overnighter either. Originally Posted by Tatiana M.

I couldn't agree more. Safety overrides everything. It all boils down to mutual respect.

I know that there have been many threads pertaining to having a regular. I apologize if this has been discussed before, I've only been participating in the boards for about a month now.T Originally Posted by Tatiana M.

I like your board presence as it doesnt come off as some concocted crap..

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby. Originally Posted by Doove

Dam it Doove. ya know I hate agreeing with ya.

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby. Originally Posted by Doove

Of course I love making friends and getting to that level where we both feel most comfortable. I like your rule of thumb, as it's awesome to know that many do keep that perspective on things. It's unfortunite when you have a regular who loses that perspective on things, you know? But, losing perspective on things can go both ways. Some providers lose their perspective, when they expect a regular to only see THEM, and no one else, then refuse to give a reference for when the gent wants to see someone new. Now that is an entirely different thread, but a prime example of how BOTH women and men can lose perspective.

p.s. I'm loving your avatar.

I like your board presence as it doesnt come off as some concocted crap.. Originally Posted by JONBALLS

Thanks Luv, I'm a pretty genuine person with everyone in every situation. Both inside the hobby and outside. Plus, I have this curious mind that always wants to know more, like a sponge. So yeah, I genuinely like being here and chatting with the Eccie crowd about all kinds of crazy stuff.

Unfortunately, some bad eggs on both ends of the hobby can spoil things for others. From a providers prospective, it can be extremely emotionally draining when regulars take advantage of your kindness. Sometimes, The more you give, the more they expect.

I had a regular that constantly said, "I want you to want to be with me without money. I feel like you are my girlfriend"

I said "if I'm your girlfriend, I must have a lot of boyfriends.". I said, "that will never happen because you are married and I'm a hooker".

Did you ever wonder how he would act if you did want him around but you still wanted to keep at your current work.

I think true friendships can occur within the hobby, and i don't think that's a bad thing so long as proper perspective is kept between the two parties.

I think a good rule of thumb is to simply keep in mind that the friendship itself, while it may be real, is also hobby related in that it, as with the sex, only exists because of the hobby. Originally Posted by Doove

Well said I coudn't have said it better!! In the end you still end up $$$ for it!! But boy do I love to $$$ for it!!

I had to go through this recently with a gent i have seen for over 5 years...it was really hard for me to make this choice..however..his behavior has made it easier on me...
he makes the appointment.. confirms an hour prior... then stands me up..

he states his nerves get the best of him..thought we had it worked out..till he stood me up again...how many times do i have to go through getting ready for him ..it takes time to look human in the morning..i put a least 3 hours into getting ready since i have very long hair and i love to wear it curled...
I dont have time to set up with him to not show up..it messes up me and potential gents that could see me...he still calls..i cant take his calls any longer...sad...he was a great guy..

just kinda shows me women are interior and men are exterior...