To Plagiarize a phrase.... "What goes on in the hobby, stays in the hobby."
So far as encountering a provider I don't make a move unless the lady acknowledges me first. Since I'm flying solo there's little chance of any family being around for me to explain anything to.
The only problem I ever ran into was while attending M&Gs back in Ohio. Twice I ran into other hobbyists that I knew in civie life and had worked with in the past. Both times I quoted the above phrase. It's a risk that we all take on and accept the consequences of being "outed".
There's no one else outside of the "community" that'll protect us. Having reviews and alerts is what makes sites like ECCIE and others a value. For the Hobbying Outlaws this is our "Hole in the Wall".