Is it ok to be smitten with your ATF? Is it bad to tell her?

I told my ATF that I loved her (Sweet Juliette). We had a great relationship for well over a year (I had known her for about 3 years). I made it very clear when I told her I was in no way looking for anything beyond our hour together twice a month. It worked well for a while after I told her....then she abruptly dumped me with absolutely no explanation. Refused to see me. Refused to talk to me. Refused to text me explaining what happened.

So...my advice is don't ever tell a provider your feelings.

I agree with all of those who have said never to share your feelings. That is the only drawback to an ATF. Someone posted a while back when do you stop seeing a provider. My answer was: "When you start becoming attached to her."

I was with a provider only 1 time, and knew if I continued to see her I would get too attached, so I have not seen her again. Even in the SD/SB world you have to be able to realize it is a business relationship first -- that does not mean you can not become deeply attached, but you always need to control your emotions with someone you are paying to be with.

Those of us that want more than a quick hi, bang, see ya later have to understand that many providers and SBs may have great IOP, but in most cases it is still going to be for business...

I have followed this thread very closely, with a lot of mixed emotions, but held back long enough with my "opinion", so out it comes ....

First of, I am not experienced with falling in love with a provider nor have I attached emotionally to one other than picking a few Go To Ladies (GTLs), don't like the term ATF, it is so singular. So, YES. attached to the fantasy/dream/session we had and can have together in the future.

To the point: It is INCREDIBLY hard to find the right approach/mix/coming across with any Lady one likes to see again or often and over a longer period of time, especially when she is a GTL or has GTL potential.
It is frustrating in a sense. Say too much, write/text too much, and the GTL stops seeing you. But you are just in for a good time, live the fantasy and have FUN.

OR, she falls for YOU. Nice, but cannot have that either.

Once I find the right mix, I'll write a book and sell it to y'all.

In the meantime, I wonder, when one has identified a new GTL, just tell her up front, unromantically, this is a biz, I like the way you do biz with me, and I hope we can do a lot of biz together in the near future.

Let's see how that works .... and if that is believable, after all, they don't know me/you !!!

There is certainly a "lust" factor one has with some providers. But then there is what I call "hobby love". I have playfully told a few select providers that I am in "hobby love" with them....it's a concept easy to understand....both parties know the distinction.

I was with a provider only 1 time, and knew if I continued to see her I would get too attached, so I have not seen her again. Originally Posted by Gr8fun

Aaaahhhh, well now THAT explains it!

Agape, Eros, philia, storge.....look up these wonderful Greek words that might help us better understand our stirrings....

In my opinion, it is totally cool to have feelings for a provider. Totally cool to let her know. It's natural for feelings to come after you see someone a bunch and share parts of your self. however you need to know where to draw the line. When it turns NOT COOL is when you blow up her phone, and accuse her of things as to why she won't reply. It's NOT COOL to talk rudely to her and make assumptions of her via y'all's conversation. And it's even more NOT COOL to post on the board about these assumptions, hurting her and innocent by standers. I usually stay out of drama. But this involves someone I care about and have a great deal of respect or. Sooo... No bAbe, you took your "crush" WAY to far and have now hurt my friend.

I think it's great and all to be nice and have "humanity" as you say. But you should realize that this is all fantasy.

It's NOT real, and the women you pay to see you... see you because, well you PAY to see them.

It's a business. Don't confuse yourself.

Not to say that there aren't really awesome women that will be extremely fun to be around, and who may in fact genuinely like you as a person, because there might be.

BUT these ladies have their own lives away from this and that's not included in the fantasy you have built up in your mind. The fantasy that some providers create VERY well.

Hell in a sense, that's their job, is to create the fantasy. So don't penalize a provider because she's good at her job... just realize that she made you feel great for an hour or two and maybe you'll see her again and it will happen again.

Maybe this person has a husband and kids... who knows?? But it doesn't really matter, and it's really none of your business because it's not part of the fantasy.

If you can't live in that hour of fantasy and move on then you should definitely NOT do this anymore.

I've met women that I really like and get along with, once I thought I might actually date a particular provider... but then I realized that she was again... providing that fantasy. It wasn't clear to me at first because she seemed to go out of her way to make me believe it, but in the end... it wasn't real.

Hell maybe she DID want to meet me "in real life" so to speak, but then thought better of it. I have no idea, but it doesn't really matter.

This isn't a place to look for a girlfriend.

Match.com or something like that would be FAR better suited to that type of thing.

Good luck man and next time (if there is one) make sure you realize what your paying for is not reality.

Well said, Imatk. We are all "in search of more." Take the experience for what it is, enjoy the blessings and advantages offered by the illusion. Ironic that many of us come here for escape, and then try to recreate exactly what we are trying to escape from in the first place.

I told my ATF that I loved her (Sweet Juliette). We had a great relationship for well over a year (I had known her for about 3 years). I made it very clear when I told her I was in no way looking for anything beyond our hour together twice a month. It worked well for a while after I told her....then she abruptly dumped me with absolutely no explanation. Refused to see me. Refused to talk to me. Refused to text me explaining what happened.

So...my advice is don't ever tell a provider your feelings. Originally Posted by txrancher1

I said NOTHING and she still dumped me?