Well said. Humans react to the connotation of a word. The tone deaf will argue ad absurdum about the denotation, and will miss the point entirely.
The connotation of a word is solidified by the method of its delivery and the context in which it is used. The mindset of the listener can be taken into account when it is known, but when speaking to a large audience (as is done on Eccie) it becomes nearly impossible, and the wise err on the side of caution... unless they're trying specifically to inflame.
Thus when I call a woman a "whore" when we're playing D/s roles, I'm giving her what she wants in that context. It's not an insult, it's a sexually-charged term that is designed to excite her. In short, a positive thing. When a calls a provider a whore on Eccie, it's often meant as a way to "remind her of her place", and is meant as something far from positive.
And that's the crux of this. There are folks here (both providers and hobbyists) who seem to get great pleasure out of inflaming or insulting others. It says far more about them than it does the target of their words. What's sad are those that aren't man/woman enough to own up to doing it, and would prefer to blame the target of their vitriol instead of taking responsibility for their own words.
Some of us come to Eccie in order to find playmates for short-term encounters. Some come her in order to insult others in an attempt to make themselves feel significant and powerful by trying to put others down.
Every time you read an insult, don't get mad. Feel sorry for the pitiful little man (or woman) who is so powerless that he has to resort to the anonymous insulting of strangers on a hobby board in order to feel like he matters, and maybe feel a tiny bit better about himself.
These poor saps don't deserve your scorn - they deserve your pity.
That shifts the burden away from the responsible party ... the person speaking it.
I could apply the same standard to racial slurs. Meaning it's not the speaker's fault if someone is offended by a racial slur. That is simply not the case in our society.
Whether it is offensive or meant to be offensive depends on the SPEAKER and the CONTEXT in which the offending reference is made.
And that includes "son of a bitch" ... as well.
And Mojo, just because someone finds typically offensive words and phrases "acceptable" in a particular situation, like a sexual encounter or romantic environment with a particular person doesn't mean they "ought not to be" offended when outside of those circumstances. It is not "hypocritical," because the circumstances are factually distinguishable.
Originally Posted by LexusLover