Question for everyone

So then, we "hobbyist's" are all dogs incapable of never straying from the farm? Slaves to our habits? And giving up your "time" for $ keeps your conciensce clean? Good luck with that! Originally Posted by Out_of_Bounds

I don't feel "proud" of what I do, but I am not lying to a mate either. I made this decision on my own and I lie only to myself and my family to protect their reputation and sanity. No father wants to see his little girl doing this. If I met Mr. Right tomorrow and he could afford to put me through school or let me work some 9-5, I would never look back at this business....period! I do this for money, not lust or self gratification so it's not so hard to walk away from.

I have never dated anyone while doing this and never will. I know many men here who would NOT be here if they were to find true love, but the majority would still cheat regardless of whether they were married to a porn star. I mean seriously...as if all wives don't want sex anymore.

I don't buy it! Umm I was a wife..TWICE, and I gave the 2nd hubby a bj in the car after we signed the divorce papers lmao! I also provided pretty much whatever including anal, and I actually do less as an escort than I did with someone I was in love with....so there goes the notion that only escorts do this and that.

I just think for most men that is a weak excuse as to why they do things. I am not judging anyone, but at the same time I think too many guys are full of crap and want someone to feel sorry for them and their reasons...not all, but many.

Bottom line is NO ONE ELSE can MAKE you do anything...you decide your course of action and deal with the consequences. We all have our own demons to deal with...I just prefer being real about it.

Trust, Faith, Hope, Love, happiness....I think many people assume these words to mean the same thing to everyone, the reality is they don't. Trust for some is different than trust for others. There are many reasons why people do the things we do, and everyones isn't the same.

If I "cheat" and the spouse doesn't know, then did I "cheat"? What is "cheating"? Mental, Physical, Psychological, Physiological, sociological? Is it in the flesh or in the mind, or both? Does it take another person to cheat or can you cheat by yourself? If it wasn't "cheating" (sociological), would it be ok?

Suppose you tell your spouse that niether of you can spend any money without the other knowing and your spouse does, and you catch them... Is that "cheating"? We always consider "cheating" to be sexual but "cheating" can be so much more. What is Love? Can you love more than one? Is sex "love" is "love" sex? What is sex? Can you have sex mentally without having sex physically? I don't have all the answers just the questions.

People go through "seasons" in thier life, I know my seasons have changed and I seek things I never sought after before, this too will change with time. I don't think dismantling your entire life to find ways through these seasons seems the best thing to do, and doing the best thing isn't always doing the right thing. I do believe you are accountable for what you do and how you do it, so I don't think blaming someone for what you do is appropriate in any scenario, but to each thier own!

Perspective is the great equalizer, age, knowledge, and experiences is what gives you perspective and the more you have the better you understand why people behave the way they do. I don't think I know everything but I do have my perspective that gives me peace and lets me deal with my actions. Happiness is what makes you make it in any given situation. I'm not trying to justify just give a little perspective.

Trust, Faith, Hope, Love, happiness....I think many people assume these words to mean the same thing to everyone, the reality is they don't. Trust for some is different than trust for others. There are many reasons why people do the things we do, and everyones isn't the same.

If I "cheat" and the spouse doesn't know, then did I "cheat"? What is "cheating"? Mental, Physical, Psychological, Physiological, sociological? Is it in the flesh or in the mind, or both? Does it take another person to cheat or can you cheat by yourself? If it wasn't "cheating" (sociological), would it be ok?

Suppose you tell your spouse that niether of you can spend any money without the other knowing and your spouse does, and you catch them... Is that "cheating"? We always consider "cheating" to be sexual but "cheating" can be so much more. What is Love? Can you love more than one? Is sex "love" is "love" sex? What is sex? Can you have sex mentally without having sex physically? I don't have all the answers just the questions.

People go through "seasons" in thier life, I know my seasons have changed and I seek things I never sought after before, this too will change with time. I don't think dismantling your entire life to find ways through these seasons seems the best thing to do, and doing the best thing isn't always doing the right thing. I do believe you are accountable for what you do and how you do it, so I don't think blaming someone for what you do is appropriate in any scenario, but to each thier own!

Perspective is the great equalizer, age, knowledge, and experiences is what gives you perspective and the more you have the better you understand why people behave the way they do. I don't think I know everything but I do have my perspective that gives me peace and lets me deal with my actions. Happiness is what makes you make it in any given situation. I'm not trying to justify just give a little perspective. Originally Posted by lovinfun

+1.
And what about us single guys who hobby. ???
Yes I go out and date in real life... And I do so with full respect of the lady. But for those times "between" girlfriends does hobbying make me a cheater... I Think not.

I was recently asked if I would ever date a someone that I met through work. The answer is no because why would I date someone that has already proven that they are incapable of being faithful? Originally Posted by SillyGirl

Not all of us are married or seeing someone. I only hobby between relationships. My extremely guilty conscience would never allow me to do it while seeing someone.

Back on topic, I honestly can't judge other people that way. Some people may be very well justified in straying while others are just selfish indulgences.

If someone has a history of infidelity, I wouldn't expect that pattern to change with another partner. If it was a one time thing, well we are all human and make mistakes.

<bring on the slings and arrows!>

Not all of us are married or seeing someone. I only hobby between relationships. My extremely guilty conscience would never allow me to do it while seeing someone.

Back on topic, I honestly can't judge other people that way. Some people may be very well justified in straying while others are just selfish indulgences.

If someone has a history of infidelity, I wouldn't expect that pattern to change with another partner. If it was a one time thing, well we are all human and make mistakes.

<bring on the slings and arrows!> Originally Posted by Biggayal

That's actually admirable and I can't see how anyone would sling ya baby!

Once a cheater always a cheater.

So, what constitutes "cheating."

Is seeing a provider once "cheating?" What if you see her more than once? What if she becomes your ATF?

Is stepping out "cheating?" Or does it become cheating when an emotional attachment forms?

I've seen both men and ladies talk about the hobby and just call it "only sex."

So, if once a cheater, always a cheater, does a one night stand with a civvie or a provider constitute cheating? And if so, isn't a provider contributing positively to the act of cheating? And how does that make the providers on this board feel?

If I don't have sex with my SO, whom I love dearly, have I cheated on her when I have sex with a provider whom I don't love?

So, what constitutes "cheating."

Is seeing a provider once "cheating?" What if you see her more than once? What if she becomes your ATF? Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Is stepping out "cheating?" Or does it become cheating when an emotional attachment forms?

.......questions you men should ask your SO.

I've seen both men and ladies talk about the hobby and just call it "only sex."

To me? Yes.

So, if once a cheater, always a cheater, does a one night stand with a civvie or a provider constitute cheating?

Yes.. though emotional attachment is the worse kind of cheating. That can easily lead to a breakup/divorce.

If so, isn't a provider contributing positively to the act of cheating? And how does that make the providers on this board feel?

Yes and we know.

How does it make me feel? These wives/girlfriends could easily put us out of work. We'd be out of work if they gave their men bjs and some conversation every now and then! Do I feel guilty? NOPE!

If I don't have sex with my SO, whom I love dearly, have I cheated on her when I have sex with a provider whom I don't love?

yes!

Could you trust a new S.O. if you found out that they cheated on their previous spouse or in their previous relationship?

Could you completely trust them? Originally Posted by Spirit13

It's an interesting question. One I've thought much about too. The cheater probably has an excuse for why it was okay to cheat too. It's only natural for them to justify to themselves rather than hate themselves for it. Having been on the cheated-on side of it, I'm sure my ex has an excuse too, but it'd be all fucked up from her necessarily deluded point of view. So I would expect that is the context of any yarns the cheater my spin to explain it away.

If my ex had come clean before I busted her hard with evidence, or tried to atone, then I could see rebuilding trust and respect with her. Telling me your absolutely sick for days over me finding out, but not for the betrayal itself.... that loses all my respect.

But with somebody new - I don't think I could be long-term with them in this case. It's a big hump to get over without history. So it won't even get to be a trust issue. It would be a respect issue.