How do I give an honest reference???

I answered your question here.

To answer your insinuating question, idk and idc. I do the best I can do and if someone doesn't like it they can post a review about it. I have no problem with that.
Originally Posted by Ebony Jasmine Love Austin

Keep on tho! The RTM is one click away.

JY brings up a point: a gent's freedom to give a NO review has been, in parts of the board, affected by the way some women have chosen to reply to those reviews. They usually go for the "smelly/bumpy dick" attack.


Even if that was really the case, posting as a coed reply, she loses credibility and now looks like someone who retaliates. If her intent was just to alert the women, then why use coed?

The thing is, I think EJ is a lot smarter than that. If she was to have a NO review, there are several better ways to deal with it, than to attack the client. Heck, in fact, if someone plays her cards right, she can turn a bad day, into a good one by providing some "Client Recovery".

Or I think she may just let it die under all her YES reviews. Experienced providers should know better than to feed the fire.


I also see why JY would be skeptical. Why would EJ post this thread here and not on Infoshare? Well, maybe she is speaking up or creating a discussion opportunity for a lot of us to express that it is difficult for some to give a positive reference, when someone lacks hygiene or does not respect our boundaries.

An elegant voice of reason.

CF, I see why he's skeptical too.

I would never bring attention to a no review.
Why are we even discussing this?

If I were doing damage control wouldn't I have mentioned handles, like others have?

So if anyone else has input or opinions, even if it's opposite of what is suggested here, feel free to speak up. I ask you keep it on topic and not flip shit around to help your own imaginary agenda. Thanks.

... I also see why JY would be skeptical. Why would EJ post this thread here and not on Infoshare?

Well, maybe she is speaking up or creating a discussion opportunity for a lot of us to express that it is difficult for some to give a positive reference, when someone lacks hygiene or does not respect our boundaries. Originally Posted by Camille Fox

Right, maybe it's a discussion topic. Or a slow day threAD.

Or maybe it's sending out a public message to an as yet unnamed gent who likely wants to remain that way, now that he's been labeled as unsafe, unhealthy and of extremely poor hygiene.

... If I were doing damage control wouldn't I have mentioned handles, like others have ... Originally Posted by Ebony Jasmine Love Austin

Right. Because those threads do such a good job controlling the damage. They never end up in flame wars, right?

Now, if the gent's name is not mentioned and the thread is started before he's posted his unfavorable NCNS or NO review, then he has a decision to make: does he want to be named and defend himself (and his bumpy smelly dick)? Wouldn't he be better off just tossing his review and moving on without the resultant drama? Would the stink (pun intended) of engagement ever wear off him? Wouldn't he always be the bumpy smelly dick, even to those who believe his side of the story?

Seems to me not naming the gent, at least initially, is the percentage play. Why fight a fire if you can put it out before it starts?

If i wouldnt see him again for any reason i usually say... 'hes not le ... but i had issue <insert issue here> so that the provider can be informed and decide with their own discretion. Some girls see the guy anyway... some decline. But i always give the provider whatever info i have available so she can make her own decision.

Recently, i had a gent provide me as a reference that I couldnt quite remember so i asked him to contact me to refresh my memory.. and i hadnt seen him in 4 or 5 years . Lol i told him politely that i couldnt provide him a recent reference n he should use more recent references in the future. I also let the lady know as well.
As a common courtesy, i always provide whatever info i can that i have. ESPECIALLY if it concerns safety , health, or compensation issues... otherwise what the hell is the point of references in the first place ? Lol

Honestly, I am still questioning if why I won't see him is even worth saying.

Does no one fear the consequences that might follow with giving specifics?

Im still more inclined to just saying no I won't see him again and leaving it at that.
Even saying just that can lead to bunch of bs.

Honestly I would prefer to just not reply to a reference request which I would say no to.
I know some might say that isn't acceptable, but when you think about it references are not 100%. They are subjective. I have got yes references on guys I know had some of these issues mentioned here. Should I blame the lady who gave me a yes, when I would definitely give him a no?

Perhaps I'm answering my own question here...

Things aren't so black and white with this one folks.

I've had some who have given me bad reference and straight up lied to me. Some give vague answers, that isn't helpful either. You don't want to put another provider in a dangerous situation.

When I give references I tell it as it is, I have nothing to lose being honest. If they were respectful, clean, personality...anything that can help or answering minor questions. I wish safety for all.

Best of luck

What the fuck is the point of giving references if you're not going to be honest?!

The reference thing has been somewhat baffling to me:
- sharing information with an unknown third party that confirms events of the past.
- one provider asking competitor for help which may take away business from the helper. What is the incentive?
- players / providers in the hobby come and go
- people are vindictive at times and there is a lot of drama in the hobby, even if you personally do not engage adding third party increases the chance that unwanted drama will appear
- When hiring employees, I weigh references with a grain of salt. Would think this would be the same.

I place a TON of importance on their online persona.

What the fuck is the point of giving references if you're not going to be honest?! Originally Posted by Claire She Blows

The reference thing has been somewhat baffling to me:
- sharing information with an unknown third party that confirms events of the past.
- one provider asking competitor for help which may take away business from the helper. What is the incentive?
- players / providers in the hobby come and go
- people are vindictive at times and there is a lot of drama in the hobby, even if you personally do not engage adding third party increases the chance that unwanted drama will appear
- When hiring employees, I weigh references with a grain of salt. Would think this would be the same.

I place a TON of importance on their online persona. Originally Posted by KissLover

Thank you kiss lover who understands why thinking a couple of steps ahead can save you a lot of bs.

I too give little importance to references but I want to respect those who base/place their comfort level decisions on other peoples subjective opinion.

I can't with the simpletons today.
I want to see some real fireworks, today!

:/

Still lots to think about. I am still hoping we can come to a concensus and for the most part get on the same page around here. That would be a first!

That said, I still respect the yes be honest idea.
I'd rather be honest to the guys face when the issue is presented so he doesn't use me as a reference and makes sure to get him self all the way together before he goes and sees the next provider; instead of putting me in a position to have to tell his business. I can do that in a diplomatic way; but I've seen that go sour in so many review/coed-rebuttals so many times.

I usually tell the guy if he can use me as a reference.
Giving a yes is no problem for me and those who have asked one from me know I'm pretty prompt. Honestly I have not had very many no's over time but lately I have had a few no's and I hope they don't use me as a reference because I don't have anything nice to say and the last thing I want to do is seem like more of a bitch than I already do.

Shout out to the guys who keep it 100% right with both of their heads.

P.S.
I have done bookings for ladies on the past. Often times one ladies delight was another's upset stomach: subjective.

This is a YMMV hobby/business, too many factors for any guarantees.

I think a reference should let a provider know he's not LE, paid the amount agreed to, and provider was safe.

Anything else is subject to factors that can change and/or personal preference.

^Word^

That sounds like the best idea/mindset to me.
I know and appreciate the variations of that conclusion already stated too; well said.

Question, so when you ladies get a request for a date do you take consideration to there board history/ reviews/ posts. Or do you always reqier references regardless, thanks.

IB