How to "break up" with a client?

>>>Like in Japanese culture, make sure that everyone saves face. <<<

Okay I missed page two of these posts. Eliza, ignore the [now deleted] drivel above. Carrie has it right. Talk to the other ladies that have BT, DT.

From a guy's perspective, I would be hurt if a woman (paid or not) said she must move on and not see me anymore (I mean I'm such a catch!). But if the proximity had you running for cover in a bathroom, you have to end the relationship. Okay the saving face part above still makes sense.

At the end of the day, there might come a social situation where you both are in attendance and there won't be much you can do outside of excusing yourself.

I have never met anyone from this part of my life on the other side. it would be an eye opener to say the least. Personally I would keep it down low, and not say anything unless an opportunity to speak in private presented itself.

Rakuguy,



He DOES know that the faint of heart have never f*cked the upstairs maid!! Originally Posted by Cumandgitit

LOL

If I lived closer, I would take him off your hands.
But, seriously, find a local girl to take him off your hands. I don't know what your rates are, but since he saw you monthly, I'm sure you could easily find someone (even with higher rates) willing to step in for you. And knowing that he was a good, well behaved regular to you, the new girl should be extra nice knowing there is the potential for a long term connection and income for her. I did this for a fellow provider once who felt her client was getting too involved with her. She told him she was taking a short break and she wanted to introduce him to a friend he might like. Then the three of us went to dinner. I didn't charge, it was just a social "meet my client" type date. I knew what she was trying to do, so I spent the evening focused on him and she left for long periods to the ladies room. As smitten as he was with her, he was still interested in getting together with me. He became a client of mine for several months, until she hit a low in income and wanted him back.
But, whether you tell him you are taking a short break, are getting too busy, or just can't be available to him any more; give him someone to distract him from you. It might just work.
My .02

With respect to the gentlemen who have replied, this is the kind of situation you really should listen other ladies' advice on, specifically those who have been there (needing to stop seeing a client for ANY reason) and done that. Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

Mostly true.

However, there are gents here that may have very well been on the other side of this at some point. Bottom line is however she does it the gent is likely to figure that there is something else going on aside from what she tells him. By her own account Eliza has been quite happy with him as a client. When an on-going thing is cut off out of the blue it makes the gent think hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

It sounds like the gent is not a loonie, but consider that if he really feels upset and does find out via a casual meeting that anonymous email is trivial to set up today. Something to consider.

... he was still interested in getting together with me. Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Of course he was! He just had to get to the end of the line of people like me in front!

Eliza MUST stroke his ego and tell him that she is concerned because she MIGHT be falling for him and she is not ready for any relationship at this time and it is not fair to him or to her to continue seeing one another.

This covers her even if she should meet him with her father. He wouldn't dare say anything to her father and she is safe and rid of a client that she doesn't want to see anymore anyway. Plus, he won't bad-mouth her to the clients that he has referred to her. Originally Posted by Cumandgitit

I agree with cumandgitit, stroking his ego in some fashion should accomplish these things. On the other hand,

" Simply tell him you regret that you have realized that you are no longer compatible, and stop seeing him. Refer him to another lady if he asks, and then cease all contact. Permanently. Even if he begs"

could promote a situation in which he may be upset and possibly angry due to the lack of an explanation (he would obviously think he had done something wrong, but not know what it was). The approach suggested here of cutting all ties with nothing more than "we are no longer compatible" would work fine if there was no chance he would ever figure out the truth. However, since there is that possibility, if he did ever figure out the truth (maybe run into you with your father at some lunch, etc), he may be more inclined to use that against you (vengeance) because of his frustrations about the way things ended so abruptly with no explanation....not saying that you owe him an explanation by any means....just that humans (men and women both) will generally have strong negative reactions/emotions to this type of ending.

I feel bad for both of you...this is one of those situations where nobody wins. In the end, you just have to do what you feel is right for you, and go with what you feel will best protect you and your privacy given the possible outcomes. Just my humble thoughts.

Eliza you have been lucky to hear many sides or views just how we suggest for you or how we would go about ending the situation, thou there are many options for the way out, the only thing that I want to stress to you, since you seem to enjoy and admire this man.....

Thou we (men) are known at times only thinking with the little head, we do think with the Big Head the majority of time and can analyze the situation, and handle the Truth. Not giving some of us the respect of that condition will only make us frustrated and mislead, which will most likely cause a domino effect on you and others down the road.

I personally would hope if you and I were involved in the condition, I would expect that you would respect me as much as I would respect you. Be Truthful but remember the Truth does not have to include full descriptive details.

Of course he was! He just had to get to the end of the line of people like me in front! Originally Posted by SR Only

I'd say get a room, but then I would have to post that far too often with you

...
I personally would hope if you and I were involved in the condition, I would expect that you would respect me as much as I would respect you. Be Truthful but remember the Truth does not have to include full descriptive details. Originally Posted by Woody of TX

+1


and that is the attitude and approach in which to handle it.

Here's a thought.... There is a chance that you could lose the other two, and you will have to give them up for 2-3 months.

You could tell him you have got into some legal trouble due to your profession. Tell him his was a # that LEO pulled from your "work phone" or whatever. As such you need to end your relationship with him and a select # of clients. He will also be scared unless he's well versed in the law and likely avoid all contact with you. He will move on. Inform the other customers that you are having some legal issues as well, and while their #'s weren't confiscated, you would like to temporarily create some space. In 2 or 3 months you can contact the other customers again. If the primary contacts you during that time, tell him that you wish to permanently sever your relationship due to the direct link that LEO has between you and him.

If I lived closer, I would take him off your hands.
But, seriously, find a local girl to take him off your hands. I don't know what your rates are, but since he saw you monthly, I'm sure you could easily find someone (even with higher rates) willing to step in for you. And knowing that he was a good, well behaved regular to you, the new girl should be extra nice knowing there is the potential for a long term connection and income for her. I did this for a fellow provider once who felt her client was getting too involved with her. She told him she was taking a short break and she wanted to introduce him to a friend he might like. Then the three of us went to dinner. I didn't charge, it was just a social "meet my client" type date. I knew what she was trying to do, so I spent the evening focused on him and she left for long periods to the ladies room. As smitten as he was with her, he was still interested in getting together with me. He became a client of mine for several months, until she hit a low in income and wanted him back.
But, whether you tell him you are taking a short break, are getting too busy, or just can't be available to him any more; give him someone to distract him from you. It might just work.
My .02 Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Even though I know the others have posted what they think is best, a misdirection to another provider like Colette posted is your best approach with the understanding that you must never contact him again or return his contacts for any reason. The scenario Colette wrote makes the most sense to me since you want to reveal as little as possible while you maintain integrity for your own self-esteem as well as your client. Follow the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principal or Occam’s Razor (The Law of Parsippany) meaning the simplest solution is the right one to take.

Anything that is elaborate and contrived will mean you will have to remember far more and you can screw it up which could result in you being outed to your family. By having another provider help you, you possibly gain the new providers appreciation since the new provider gets new business while the gent does not get his ego smashed and he gains a new friend. Seems a win-win to me but whatdoiknow, I am just a humble bystander.

No matter what you tell him or how you end it there is a strong chance he could be bitter over it ending unexpectedly.

No matter how you end it there is STILL the possibility of running into him in the exact manner that concerns you.

Any hint or suggestion of dishonesty could bring some bitterness to light in that situation making your fears all the more worse.....

your both grown ups....

there is no substitution for the truth.....

I would begin with a "What If" scenario should you and he cross path's in real life how he would expect it to be handled by you...... It will give you an insite into how to proceed......

But be truthful.....

This is a toughie, a real quandary. I've seen several good suggestions, but none are perfect. I'm curious as to your final solution.


As for discreet and discrete, both are legitimate words in the English language, although they do not share the same meaning.

barney is absolutely correct! Lots of suggestions but none of them perfect.

This is one of the many problems that can happen to ladies who peddle their time.

It's a tough call and you just have to go with your gut feeling and do what is best for you.

I actually have a client currently who worked with MY dad until they both retired but (fortunately for me) they are no longer friends.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope everything works out well.

....... but if he can afford you, then it is also likely that he will be bright enough to spot--without understanding--any deception you proffer regarding your reason for the "break up." Also, if he can afford you, he might also be persistent, tenacious, and generally not the type of person willing to accept a casual dismissal without a credible explanation. Ultimately, the best result would be an honest explanation. And upon receiving same, your client would hopefully be as uncomfortable seeing the daughter of a friend as you are having a client who is friends with your dad.

Good luck with this, I fear you'll need it.