Because there is a certain amount of look at me! look at me! In any National Coed post, we'll start with my stupid human trick, we can down a 12 oz beer in about 1.4-1.5 seconds. Do six in a row or a pitcher or two at the same speed and you win a few bar bets. We are the size of a building with legs so we never really get drunk unless enjoying several chilled water glasses full of vodka with olive juice, then more often than not someone has to call SWAT. The days of ordering an ice cube shot glass with an imported vodka chilling in a champagne bucket are long over. North of forty power drinking gets kind of silly, just for us, I try not to cast judgment on others vices.
While this lovely creature is kind of slow, it's a hell of lot better than any picture of Father Wayward.
Now days I might enjoy one glass of wine, but more often that not, it's just iced tea or water.