I figure I might be unique here since I am married and my wife is totally getting into the whole hobby thing (although we have only had one three-way with a provider we met in Dallas last month). Her rules are simple and work for me. Oral and hand, no insertion. Hey, since she is willing to join me and give me a show with the provider, who am I to complain about such rules (grin).
We figure the donation is for the time, not the activities and our rules get us off and make us very happy.
We hope to be finally meeting with a provider here in KC. If it happens, I will be happy to report on it.