Reference etiquette

just one.
do you remember me?
i was the guy with the glasses

Unforgettable... that's what you are...

...and your tennis shoes are always IMPECCABLY white and clean! :-)

tho near or far

The whole reference thing seems a little off to me. You are giving a third party details or contact information of a lady. I'm just surprised they are comfortable with this.

I understand both sides, and I absolutely LOATHE having to deal with checking ref's and losing a client because ladies just never respond.

That's why I love an active poster and/or P411 account.

P411 okays have been one of the best screening tools I've used to date. That and seeing what a gent posts/says on forum and how he talks of the other providers.

That says it all to me. I tried the reference deal ONCE and it killed me. One of the providers provided a timely OK, one didn't remember him and the last just never responded! That's too much work.

Also, the BEST thing I've known so far is to follow my "gut feeling" I get while talking to a gent to schedule. How he speaks to me and how he requests and appointment as well as how quickly and smooth it goes says it all, imho.

The whole reference thing seems a little off to me. You are giving a third party details or contact information of a lady. I'm just surprised they are comfortable with this. Originally Posted by KissLover

EXCELLENT POINT! Craigslist was my entree to the hobby. Although there were lots of "tire kickers", only a small percentage of NC/NS's with no troublemakers I.e. shortage/no pay or abusive, stalkers, etc... I was contacted for a reference by a verified provider before I'd become aware of resource sites. I refused to give information or even acknowledge I was an escort.

Last week I got an anonymous text msg requesting a reference. Anonymous in this case being an unrecognized phone number gets my standard "Who is this?" reply. She politely supplied her working name which I found on ECCIE and used to cross-reference and verify the phone number for contacting her matched. You can never know the identity, intent, or necessity for a response from you makes a difference 100% of the time. In the end, it's always a judgement call.

Although I do still request at least one reference, a phone call to get a feel for each other still rates high as a certification tool. Nervous people need to be asked proving questions to help identify the source. Newbie, risk taker with lots to lose, cop, game player? Two minutes can cover some ground with the right questions and good instincts. Face it... there are some crazy motherfuckers out there these days! Male and female both... You have to show some interest in your safety and well-being by limiting exposure to those who may not respect your boundaries especially in the context we operate within. There is risk on both sides.

EXCELLENT POINT! Craigslist was my entree to the hobby. Although there were lots of "tire kickers", only a small percentage of NC/NS's with no troublemakers I.e. shortage/no pay or abusive, stalkers, etc... I was contacted for a reference by a verified provider before I'd become aware of resource sites. I refused to give information or even acknowledge I was an escort.

Last week I got an anonymous text msg requesting a reference. Anonymous in this case being an unrecognized phone number gets my standard "Who is this?" reply. She politely supplied her working name which I found on ECCIE and used to cross-reference and verify the phone number for contacting her matched. You can never know the identity, intent, or necessity for a response from you makes a difference 100% of the time. In the end, it's always a judgement call.

Although I do still request at least one reference, a phone call to get a feel for each other still rates high as a certification tool. Nervous people need to be asked proving questions to help identify the source. Newbie, risk taker with lots to lose, cop, game player? Two minutes can cover some ground with the right questions and good instincts. Face it... there are some crazy motherfuckers out there these days! Male and female both... You have to show some interest in your safety and well-being by limiting exposure to those who may not respect your boundaries especially in the context we operate within. There is risk on both sides. Originally Posted by Kit-4-Kat

Definitely! I always PM via here or P411 if I need to check someone as a reference. I NEVER text. Especially now that my working number is a need-to-know basis. I will never give it out if I can help it.

Personally, I am reluctant to provide providers' names or contact information for a reference. It seems that I would be stealing time and business from my current provider, and possible rude in doing so. Also, there is response time to consider with references.

(Note: my perspective is from a point of view where I have provider affinity and that I am too good of a client to lose. I do step out for a tryst with a tart occasionally on a whim.)

1) Seems that I am breaking private client-provider confidentiality and rude to share another provider's name without permission;

2) It is work for me to ask a current provider to be reference and get her approval to share her name and contact information; It takes time for this correspondence.

3) It is even more work for a current provider to share information about me with the potential future provider, all with the probability that my current provider will be losing future business from me. There is communication response time to consider here, as well.


Instead of providing reference names, I recommend to the potential future provider to search for my postings and reviews on ECCIE, or simply use P411 to view my OKs.

Perhaps, providers have a way to OK clients upfront on ECCIE as they do on P411 or similar web sites. Originally Posted by Wiley Fuchs

Yep, I agree with Wiley Fuchs Well said sir.