needing a little extra help please

I'm surprised that they are suggesting adoption so soon.
My nephew had a similar situation in OH but because of his wife being neglectful, not someone else abusing the kids.
CPS had been trying to work with them for a year before the kids were taken. One was taken straight from the hospital, never even made it home. The kids were in different homes over the course of the next year or more. (The baby had major health issues due to being preemie and most foster homes thought she was too much trouble)
All 3 eventually ended up in the same home and it took the kids being with this family for 6 months before they were able to adopt them.
My nephew and his wife actually had to sign their kids over before they could be adopted.

I'm surprised that they are suggesting adoption so soon. Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

That's because she didn't get there when it happened. Once she was notified that her kids were in foster care, she had a window of time to get there before they cited abandonment on her part.

Had she got there on time, they would have kept the kids until she went to parenting class, and got on her feet. I don't know how long it's been either, but I'm with Whispers on this one. There's no real excuse for not being in town with her kids.
(OMG I just agreed with Whispers!)

That's because she didn't get there when it happened. Once she was notified that her kids were in foster care, she had a window of time to get there before they cited abandonment on her part.

Had she got there on time, they would have kept the kids until she went to parenting class, and got on her feet. I don't know how long it's been either, but I'm with Whispers on this one. There's no real excuse for not being in town with her kids.
(OMG I just agreed with Whispers!) Originally Posted by Tiffani Jameson

Could have been worse... it could have been me LOL

Could have been worse... it could have been me LOL Originally Posted by Still Looking

You've actually had your moments of clarity over the years. But for the most part, you're like the crazy uncle harassing passers-by from the porch. It's best I don't pay any attention to you... LOL

People,
Shayla put out her story TO GET MORE BUSINESS, not to have us publicly discuss it. While some of these very thoughtful posts may be useful for others who are in a similar situation, most advice could have been sent to her PM. Please send referrals her way.

People,
Shayla put out her story TO GET MORE BUSINESS, not to have us publicly discuss it. While some of these very thoughtful posts may be useful for others who are in a similar situation, most advice could have been sent to her PM. Please send referrals her way. Originally Posted by douglas_m

So it is your opinion that this is a threAD?

Here is the main idea of Co-ed:
Hobby-related discussions belong here. Let's keep these discussions on-topic, thought-provoking, and more importantly...entertaining!

If a provider wants more biz, shouldn't she put it out in the 2 Ad sections, where discussion is not allowed? and then you can send PMs to her.

People,
Shayla put out her story TO GET MORE BUSINESS, not to have us publicly discuss it. While some of these very thoughtful posts may be useful for others who are in a similar situation, most advice could have been sent to her PM. Please send referrals her way. Originally Posted by douglas_m

Well, someone has FINALLY admitted that this is a ThreAD. But, I do have a question here: does this ThreAD violate this guideline?


#10 - Topics regarding children, and certain images depicting children are not material for an adult-themed board. You must be at least 18 years of age to register and participate here, and along those lines, our subject matter is to surround individuals of the proper age range. Any mention or reference to underage sex is strictly forbidden and may result in loss of your posting privileges.

Shayla, just my 2 cents, dear -- This isn't Facebook. I hate that you are dealing with this issue. But, I don't believe it is a good choice to post something like this in this forum. You know some of us posters and how we post. You need to keep in mind that ANYTIME you do this you are opening yourself up to ANY kind of criticism, and response.

I date many single moms. I know from maternal instinct that there is hell to pay from momma bear when someone or something messes with her cubs (don't misinterpret that sentence. I never "mess" with the cubs, but I have seen it happen). Honestly Shayla, I will be saying a prayer for you. Hope things work out the best way they can.

You've actually had your moments of clarity over the years. But for the most part, you're like the crazy uncle harassing passers-by from the porch. It's best I don't pay any attention to you... LOL

Originally Posted by Tiffani Jameson

YOu know I love you SL but that's hilarious!!

People,
Shayla put out her story TO GET MORE BUSINESS, not to have us publicly discuss it. While some of these very thoughtful posts may be useful for others who are in a similar situation, most advice could have been sent to her PM. Please send referrals her way. Originally Posted by douglas_m

I agree.

Shayla ran an ad in CoEd.

The thing about Coed is that it invites comments.

She could have run an ad in the Ad section and shared part of the story IN the ad and done so again in the weekend section and neither would have elicited any comments.

Lol. Get off my lawn . Back in 'nam, I got extra c rations for pickin off punks like you!!

It is a given that the OP should have been with her children. The point of my previous post is that it is not for me or anyone else to slam her for it. Look where we are here!

As the saying goes "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

I seriously doubt suddenly booking her will make one bit of difference in her family situation so in that sense yes this is a threAD

I also don't see how sitting over Sunday brunch with a few fellow providers will make a difference regarding the situation either. As a few mentioned it took a lot to get to this point.

Clearly as Whispers stated she has not taken steps to set up a better environment than foster care for these kids which is why they are where they are today and I believe whatever is best for the kids is all that matters. My previous point was foster care may be the best option for them to succeed in life but that doesn't necessarily equate to losing them.

Rather than feel empowered by kicking her while she is down regardless of her role in it, wouldn't it be more constructive to simply offer some degree of compassion and an alternate perspective for her to find some small degree of comfort in?

If this is 100% purely a pitch/ploy for business than so be it. Still no harm done in displaying empathy and humanity whether it falls by the wayside or not.

It still builds personal character so no loss to the grantor.

Lol. Get off my lawn . Back in 'nam, I got extra c rations for pickin off punks like you!! Originally Posted by knotty man

I just have to ask, is that from "Grand Torino?"

Naw, just my imitation of the crazy uncle sitting on the porch. Lol

It is a given that the OP should have been with her children. The point of my previous post is that it is not for me or anyone else to slam her for it. Look where we are here!

As the saying goes "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

Comments regarding opinions on the situation are not necessarily slamming. Although when someone does not hear what they want.... well... thye will take it in what every way justifies their view..

I seriously doubt suddenly booking her will make one bit of difference in her family situation so in that sense yes this is a threAD.

Exactly.

I also don't see how sitting over Sunday brunch with a few fellow providers will make a difference regarding the situation either. As a few mentioned it took a lot to get to this point.

Yup

Clearly as Whispers stated she has not taken steps to set up a better environment than foster care for these kids which is why they are where they are today and I believe whatever is best for the kids is all that matters. My previous point was foster care may be the best option for them to succeed in life but that doesn't necessarily equate to losing them.

Very accurate. I've met some very good people in the system that care for other people's children. Given choices it is not as bad as some tend to think.

Rather than feel empowered by kicking her while she is down regardless of her role in it, wouldn't it be more constructive to simply offer some degree of compassion and an alternate perspective for her to find some small degree of comfort in?

If this is 100% purely a pitch/ploy for business than so be it. Still no harm done in displaying empathy and humanity whether it falls by the wayside or not.

It still builds personal character so no loss to the grantor. Originally Posted by Listener

On first look there is not a lot family Protective Services will do other than determine if the current situation regarding the kids is a danger to them When it is they yank them and provide an immediate placement that is meant to be temporary. An emergency Hearing is held and over a short period of time they look at family and friends of family to determine if there is somewhere safe for them and that includes shipping them out of state if necessary.

For whatever reason there was no place for them during that initial period which in most states is 10 up to 30 days.

If they are not returned in that time frame than their initial investigations showed there existed pretty solid suspicion of reasons to not reunify them with parents or family.

At the next hearing, they put together a long term plan with the goal of reunification for not just the kids but the parents as well. MOST states have done away with CHILD protective services and restructured it as FAMILY protective services. Whatever concerns there are for the parents is addressed and there is usually a list of things they are going to need to accomplish over a period of time.

Hearings drag out every 3 months typically until a year when MOST states start looking to remove the children permanently from parental involvement. IF a parent has shown signs of improvement and is making progress a judge will usually extend this into a 2nd year....

If the state of Iowa is moving to sever parental rights than the parents have NOT shown progress towards fixing whatever was wrong and have NOT cooperated in the reunification plan.

Parents that lose their kids into the "system" and the friends and family around them will say all kinds of things for sympathy but no state WANTS to take and raise their kids. It is incredibly expensive to do so vs finding a way to reunify the families.

I can't really offer compassion to a situation at this stage knowing the system the way I do and having had so many children in my home with parents that could not or would not make the needed changes to have them back.

And come on..... There is no shortage of opportunity to make money that has been available to the OP over the many months she has been here doing what she has chosen to do.

Some of you need to stop and ask yourself where all the tax free dollars that came in has gone?

There are some extremely common reasons why parents lose their children and do not get them back and the most common is a subject matter we are not permitted to discuss here.... Even though it affects a majority of those that provide over extended periods of times.

SOMETHING has been more important for a year to the OP than being in Iowa with her kids.

I have compassion.

But it is for the kids in the system that are split up. Not only from their mom and dad whom no matter HOW BAD any of us might feel they are, the kids refuse to see them as anyone other than mommy or daddy.... But they are split from each other....

Keeping them together up till now has not been a priority, reunification of the whole family was. basically they have been "parked" whereever it was convenient to park them.

At the next hearing the decision will be to count any return to family out of the question... At that point they will begin to look for a family that will take the 3 of them in together as a family unit in order to reunite the kids. Adoption /Permancy will be the goal.

THAT is not an easy goal. MANY adoptive parents are looking for infants.... and some small children..... Taking in 3 siblings to adopt and raise as their own is a unique set.

I would not do it.

As Foster Parents it was tough because we always knew the kids were leaving us some day. But in getting to see and know the kids I can understand the difficulty for a set of parents to look at adopting what is already a "family" in the 3 of them.

The state will make an effort to place the kids together for a period of time.... Probably 6 months... After that they will start looking for families that will adopt 1 or two of them.

Adoption is permanent and the end of state involvement. more easily explained as end of spending money on the kid.

Foster Care is till they are 18 years of age and the state has massive expenses in regards to their care.

IF any of the kids have emotional difficulties or behavioral issues it becomes more difficult.

It is unfortunate but the system does develop these behavioral issues by the process. At their ages the kids are going to fight anything that means there not being a chance to be reunited with their siblings.

A family that would take the 6yo for example might come to find that the child intentionally acts out in school and sabotages her own chance for a stable family to remain in the system with her brother and sister.

Adopting them out of the State's care will remain a goal until they are 17 but all realistic effort will stop after about a year simply due to resources and then they will be in the Foster System till they age out.

I have a lot of compassion for the kids in these situations.

The fundraiser I do every year helps provide Christmas to many kids in this process that might be placed with foster families or relatives. What they endure.... what I saw of the system and families and the struggles of these kids..... led to the reasoning behind the goal that every single dollar or item collected makes it's way into the hands of a child that needed and asked for it. We by pass the system as well as the parents for a reason.

There are a lot of members of this community that share the same compassion for the kids.

I will not apologize for my opinions or statements made where parents are concerned.

there is simply NO EXCUSE I will accept.

Well over 200 kids in my home as foster kids and you want to know how many had parents that made efforts of any kind to be with them? to visit them? to send a birthday or Christmas card?

Less than 10 if I recall correctly....

I am not going to condemn the OP or her chosen lifestyle but that lifestyle could and should have resulted in her booking an appointment and getting on a bus the next day and being in Iowa today. turn another trick and get a room for a week.... and some food and be working on the problem THERE. Where the kids are. Seeing the kids as often as she can... participating in all the decisions regarding their education....

Post a thread that says " I got on a bus to Iowa to try to fix this leaving behind all my things... could someone please help me....." I would participate in organizing a few guys and a truck and the rental of a storage unit to store all her things in.

You know at first I was upset about what whispers was saying but then I thought about it and no I am not gonna be upset, some of what he says is true, its taken me way to long to get back, I have never dealt with this stuff before and almost felt like a deer in the road, but I can not justify. What is said is not bothering me, I am numb to what anyone has to say when its ignorant, or just trying to be mean, all I am focused on is what I got to get done so have at it.