Stupid Jokes Thread

Most husbands never know what real happiness is until they get married... And then it's too late.

Drunk man to his wife of 20 years after climbing into bed...... "damn it, Sable, your tits are getting smaller and your pussy tastes like shit"



Wife to drunk man " Get off my back!"

Sarge, now that was funny!

What do you call it if the chick is not the chick in the pic?

"slightly bait and switch" if you wanna have her give you a hand job again.....

LMAO.

BTW, I am with you Buckskin, that joke above was funny. I had to read it twicet.

Blow jobs are like flowers for men.... Sometimes you should give them just because :-)

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for over an hour?


Duh, the label said "concentrate".

How can a woman get mad and pack up her stuff and leave in under 30 seconds but need a week to get ready for a vacation?

How do you get a blonde OFF her knees?



You cum.

LMAO!

How do you tell the "head nurse" at the local hospital?

She is the one with the dirty knees

What’s the ideal breakfast setting?
Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette found themselves shipwrecked on a deserted tropical island.

They found a lamp half buried in the sand and rubbed it clean. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be with her soldier boyfriend. Poof! She was suddenly in Killeen.

The brunette wished to be with her BFF at Baylor. Poof! She was transported to Waco.

The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.

He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.

The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”

Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?



She will blow your mind, too.

Why can't blondes count to 70?


Because 69 is quite the mouthful......